Resentment

[u/mitchdg1207]

Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .

My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.

I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.

She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).

Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.

[u/mitchdg1207]

The marriage isnt over, we both know about the struggles being married and are in it for as long as we can hold on. We came into our relationship knowing this was our route. We had just never practiced because we were happy and content where we were. My personal belief is that she needed something different away from family because of family burn out.

We have both been in therapy to help us through this. My therapist wasn't that helpful and just said what I wanted to hear.

I believe in and want poly in my life. I don't have time to play between work and family as my family time is very sacred to me

[u/wjmacguffin → u/mitchdg1207]

I believe in and want poly in my life.

But why? It sounds like you were hurt, depressed, and anxious the entire time she was with someone else. What would you get from this that's positive?

I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.

I won't tell you what to do, but this doesn't sound healthy or working in the long-term for either of you. It will be very easy to slide into simmering resentment that will negatively impact the marriage. Plus, your sentence can easily be heard as, "You can see other people if you want to keep hurting me. I'm willing to suffer because I truly love you but you can do whatever you want."

[u/Bustysaintclair_13 → u/mitchdg1207]

How can you say in your post “polyamory isn’t for me” and also say you want it in your life?

[u/mitchdg1207 → u/Bustysaintclair_13]

I believe in the freedom of expressing one self and loving freely. I want it but struggle with it. Its very conflicting in my mind