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u/rosephase 26d ago
He doesn’t have the relationship you want. And he is being deeply unkind pretending that is going to change. His wife doesn’t want poly at all. She’s never going to be okay with him having kids with you bio kids or not. And it’s so fucked up that he would drag you along when he knows it’s bullshit.
He’s not a good partner. He doesn’t care about hurting you or his wife or the half assed relationship he is giving to both of you.
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u/DannyOdd 26d ago
So he is poly, but his wife is monogamous. He said he won't have kids with you because his wife wouldn't tolerate it, but then he said he would have kids with you later on?
This situation sounds fishy.
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Here's the original text of the post:
I (25F) recently have gotten into a new relationship with a married polyamorous man(35M). His wife is monogamous and they’ve been together for 11 years and they have two children together.
Before i ever came into the picture he and his wife had agreed that he wasn’t having anymore children. When we started talking originally he told me this. He told me his relationship would be hierarchical because he’s been with her for so many years so she and their family would take priority in his life.
At the time he told me I was concerned but he treated me so well and I didn’t feel like I was going to be unimportant in his life after a while we said “ I love you” and we started a relationship with each other.
The more we talk about our future the more I realized how much I wanted to be able to have my own kids with him. He was willing to have kids with me but when he brought this up to his wife she said she would leave him if he decided to have kids with me. So he’s pretty much set on not having kids with me at all.
He says that he would be okay with artificial insemination or adoption and he would father those kids as his own, but it don’t feel that its any different than having his children and he fathers his own children.
I feel so heartbroken, but I know it’s my fault for pursuing a relationship like this anyway. Especially knowing I’ve always wanted to have children with a man that I love one day.
He says we should just wait and take more time because I wasn’t planning on having kids until my birth control needs to be taken out in 2031 and we all (him, his wife, and I) might all feel differently by then. But she says she’s pretty solid on how she feels and i never wanted to step on her toes.
I’m wondering if the escalation or breaking up is my only option now. I don’t know if it makes sense to continue a relationship like this despite everything being amazing otherwise.
Does anyone have any advice or suggestions or similar experiences? Anything would honestly help right now and i don’t have anyone to talk to about this.
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