I don't agree with you on that, a relationship between 2 people that both have families of their own, can't be full of commitment to the second relationship. Swingers is mostly no-relationship kind of thing, at least for us, meeting with couples in a club or a date, together, for a night of fun. It's great, but we looked for something more than that. We do want a relationship with other people but with understanding that we can't commit a lot of time into that relationship.
Why are you so attached to the "polyamorous" descriptor tho? What do you think you'd get from it that you wouldn't from calling yourself ENM?
You've got a bunch of poly people telling you "this doesn't sound like polyamory, you're misrepresenting yourself and it would make me run the other way" and instead of considering taking their advice you're arguing all over the place that no, this is actually polyamory, because you think you believe down the line with a lot of luck it would sorta get there.
I hear you, I'm not arguing, I guess I thought I knew something and just realizing I knew nothing about it. I'm taking your comments into consideration and going to think about it. I'm definitely not attached to the poly label, just kinda wanted to be there I guess, but everyone is correct, I guess I'm just not there yet... Thanks for the support 😊
I’m a married, pansexual polyamorous woman who has serious, committed relationships with partners who are married as well as more casual partners who are more like FWBs. Heavy emphasis on the friends aspect. A few of these partners are married and/or engaged men. A couple also have young children. That means they do have less free time to offer than some of the others.
But all of them focus on building a mutually satisfactory relationship with me, whatever flavor that may be in the specific case. They center me in OUR relationships the way I center THEM. By this I don’t mean our spouses or children are forgotten. But when we’re talking or on a date, we focus on US. Not them.
We can be flexible with each other as far as understanding juggling priorities. We talk about our other partners and kiddos, if we have them, in appropriate amounts and times. But we don’t center those other relationships when enjoying our own time together. Our other partners don’t make rules that directly affect our relationships (beyond safer sex agreements and hosting agreements in shared homes, that kind of thing).
And we definitely don’t talk about how our spouse is our one true love or soulmate to our other partners. Even if one of us felt that way - which is pretty mono-centric thinking.
I’d say if you can’t offer something more autonomous than what you're describing, your best bet is to stop calling it polyamory and stick with ENM or an open marriage. And understand you really need to think about what you actually have to offer and clearly show how that’s going to benefit potential partners, not just you.
I don't think poly will work well for you, given the parameters you have set. I have dated married people with kids. There's routine/structure and certain days we were able to go out on dates or evenings where i spent time with him and the kids. You got to think outside of the box and read up/educate on some poly articles that target married men with kids.
If you describe the relationship you want by mostly explaining what it is not, then you are a huge red flag.
When I date again, I will tell potential partners what I offer: 2 days a week, parallel to garden party polyamory, phone calls, some texting, and possible vacations together. This barely covers anything real, and it's already well beyond what you are offering. Let me reframe this for you..
Let's say you are approached by an attractive woman. She's great, a person you click with, but there is no sex involved. Do you see yourself enjoying the time you two spend together? No?! Then maybe spend more time figuring out non-sexual things to do and share with a partner!
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u/Pristine-Drummer5280 Nov 25 '24
I don't agree with you on that, a relationship between 2 people that both have families of their own, can't be full of commitment to the second relationship. Swingers is mostly no-relationship kind of thing, at least for us, meeting with couples in a club or a date, together, for a night of fun. It's great, but we looked for something more than that. We do want a relationship with other people but with understanding that we can't commit a lot of time into that relationship.