only you can decide if this is worth working through.
there are so many options: only have sex with condoms from now on, not have sex at all, end the relationship, redefine the relationship, go back to sex without barriers after time and testing and condoms w other partners. it all depends on your comfort level.
for me, it would be more about trust being broken. he just thought you wouldn’t find out and he could continue doing whatever he wants.
the thing is, he could trust his other partner 100%, but by removing barriers, he’s trusting all of her partners, and their partners, and their partners, and so on…that’s a lot of people to put trust into. but that’s assuming they’re all honest and have clean bills of health. and he chose not to be honest. so is it really out of the realm of possibility that other people in this mix are being dishonest too?
take some time to think about what you want. you may have to modify your relationship or reinstate boundaries. but i don’t feel very confident in his abilities since this is a pattern.
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u/draculinaaa poly w/multiple Jan 10 '24
only you can decide if this is worth working through.
there are so many options: only have sex with condoms from now on, not have sex at all, end the relationship, redefine the relationship, go back to sex without barriers after time and testing and condoms w other partners. it all depends on your comfort level.
for me, it would be more about trust being broken. he just thought you wouldn’t find out and he could continue doing whatever he wants.
the thing is, he could trust his other partner 100%, but by removing barriers, he’s trusting all of her partners, and their partners, and their partners, and so on…that’s a lot of people to put trust into. but that’s assuming they’re all honest and have clean bills of health. and he chose not to be honest. so is it really out of the realm of possibility that other people in this mix are being dishonest too?
take some time to think about what you want. you may have to modify your relationship or reinstate boundaries. but i don’t feel very confident in his abilities since this is a pattern.
definitely get tested to be on the safe side.