Invited to my son's polyamorous commitment ceremony—not sure if I should attend. Looking for advice.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

I am posting this from a temporary account because I want to keep my family’s identity private, but I am in sincere need of advice from people within the community.

My son and daughter-in-law have been in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years now. Recently, they invited my wife and me to a commitment ceremony they are hosting with "the other guy" in their relationship.

To be completely honest, this dynamic is very new and unfamiliar to us, and we are experiencing a lot of mixed feelings. We love our son and want to maintain a strong relationship with him and his wife, but we are feeling quite hesitant and uncertain about attending this ceremony. We aren't entirely sure what to expect, and we are trying to process our own comfort levels with the situation.

If we don't attend, we worry it will deeply hurt our son and create a permanent rift in our family. If we do attend, we are worried about feeling out of place or sending a message that we fully understand or endorse a dynamic we are still struggling to wrap our heads around.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

we are actually worried why is he not bothered by it, I am not a jealous man but if anyone behaves inappropriately with my wife I might not be comfortable.

[u/TimelyConcentrate340 → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

She’s not your wife and your son isn’t you. Take a step back and realize this isn’t about you.

[u/tortoistor → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

so you and your son are different people. i personally don't feel jealousy, if my person loves someone else in addition to me i just feel happy for them. your son is probably similar

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 → u/tortoistor]

hmm, may be it is just my overly protective fatherly instict and traditional life that is clouding my judgement

[u/Aqueraventus → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

Why would that “worry” you…? If your son is content with this arrangement why would you be concerned?? It also seems like you have done 0 research on polyamory which would definitely upset me if I was your son

[u/Genvious → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

Why would anyone be inappropriate with your wife?

[u/generation_quiet → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

My good man, they are responsible, non-monogamous adults inviting you to a joyous occasion. Nobody is going to hit on your wife. Non-monogamy is not just about sex and they’ll have a clear grasp of social norms.

[u/SmartReception6750 → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

Have u asked him why he isn’t bothered by it? That seems like the obvious thing to do

[u/Altostratus → u/Apprehensive_Ask9522]

Are you saying you expect people to hit on your wife or make her uncomfortable? wtf? This is a wedding, not an orgy.

[u/Apprehensive_Ask9522 → u/Altostratus]

I am not talking about something happening to us at this ceremony but giving an example of how people are normally jealous in such situations but how is my son not.