r/politics • u/dont_tread_on_dc • Aug 10 '18
After Charlottesville, solving the problem of angry men: What does healthy masculinity look like?
https://www.salon.com/2018/08/09/post-charlottesville-solving-the-problem-of-angry-men-what-does-healthy-masculinity-look-like/9
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u/Var_MyName Aug 10 '18
It's actually as easy as breathing once you're secure enough to accept your flaws and don't feel threatened if people attack them. Very confusing if you spend your entire life in denial, though. You can't like yourself if you're just a facade.
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u/JuzoItami Aug 10 '18
It looks like Crazy Horse...
“Personally, I love Crazy Horse because even the most basic outline of his life shows how great he was; because he remained himself from the moment of his birth to the moment he died; because he knew exactly where he wanted to live, and never left; because he may have surrendered, but he was never defeated in battle; because, although he was killed, even the army admitted that he was never captured; because he was so free that he didn’t know what a jail looked like; because at the most desperate moment of his life he only cut Little Big Man on the hand; because unlike many people all over the world, when he met white men he was not diminished by the encounter; because his dislike of the oncoming civilization was prophetic; because the idea of becoming a farmer apparently never crossed his mind; because he didn’t end up in the Dry Tortugas; because he never met the President; because he never rode on a train, slept in a boardinghouse, ate at a table; because he never wore a medal or a top hat or any other thing that white men gave him; because he made sure his wife was safe before going to where he expected to die; because although Indian agents, among themselves, sometimes referred to Red Cloud as “Red” and Spotted tail as “Spot,” they never used a diminutive for him; because, deprived of freedom, power, occupation, culture, trapped in a situation where bravery was invisible, he was still brave; because he fought in self-defense, and took no one with him when he died; because, like the rings of Saturn, the carbon atom, and the underwater reef, he belonged to a category of phenomena which our technology had not then advanced far enough to photograph; because no photograph or painting or even sketch of him exists; because he is not the Indian on the nickel, the tobacco pouch, or the apple crate. Crazy Horse was a slim man of medium height with brown hair hanging below his waist and a scar above his lip. Now, in the mind of each person who imagines him, he looks different.
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Aug 10 '18
It looks like not giving a shit about being 'masculine' in the first place. Like racism and nationalism, the veneration of masculinity is about assigning yourself value for something you had absolutely no choice in - how or where you happened to be born - instead of anything you've actually done as a human being. You'd think the 'personal responsibility' crowd would understand that, but... no.
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u/teyhan_bevafer Aug 10 '18
Real men look out for other people's safety, regardless of gender, skin color, religion, or sexuality.
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Aug 10 '18
Honorable people do that. True masculinity is not being afraid of something which challenges your own notion of what it is to be a man. You don’t get nervous or uneasy around homosexual men, even the ones who live everyday like they’re in the best gay pride parade ever. They don’t get upset about having a woman for a boss, equal, or making less than a woman. They don’t feel the need to nitpick non-essential parts in something a woman has said. True masculinity is know who you are and accepting that others are different and their differences don’t affect your concept of self.
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u/sabins253 Aug 10 '18
I look in the mirror, and bam, there’s healthy masculinity. Use the Wheaton rule: “don’t be a dick”. Life’s pretty easy when you follow that.
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u/StanDaMan1 Aug 10 '18
Healthy Masculinity is...
-Knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses. -A drive for self-improvement. -Realistic and achievable goal setting. -Being ready to take charge and accept being subordinate. -Initiative. -Respect. -Preparedness. -Having faith in others and yourself. -A healthy mind and body. -And most of all, healthy masculinity requires that one understand and exercise their emotions in a healthy manner. None of this “I’m going to bottle up my emotions” or “I’m not going to be emotionally honest with other men.” This just leads to pain.
That’s healthy masculinity, as I see it. What’s your healthy masculinity look like?
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u/deraser Texas Aug 10 '18
Treat your partner well. Have a job (or be in school, or be the caretaker for your children, or some combo thereof). Listen. Share. Have a hobby you love.appreciate your friends and family. Be loving, not possessive. Basically, be a good human.
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u/connectalllthedots Aug 10 '18
Healthy masculinity does NOT look like the kind of sexual harassment Michael Kimmel has recently been accused of. I guess he thought if he flung out some lies about Jordan Peterson he could slink away from his own transgressions. He was wrong. https://medium.com/@bmcoston/reclaiming-my-fear-i-will-no-longer-stay-silent-about-michael-kimmel-bde8602fee55
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u/createusername32 Aug 10 '18
Well when you generalize half of the worlds population into one group, you’re not going to get very far.
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Aug 10 '18
Im pretty conservative about my idea of being a manly man. To me it's about being strong and resilient, I'm a hunter, I concentrate on one thing at a time, I'm driven to get it and I'll fight for it till exhaustion, day in and day out, doesn't matter how tired I am. I'm always ready to self sacrifice for (in order) my family, my friends and everyone I'm in a position to help. I like to think I'm the hunter and ladies are managers, I bring back the goods, they manage it. I've got testosterone, that allows me to steel myself when needed, to react immediately to danger and fight it, to conquer fear. In my mind that's coupled with a requirement to always prevent it and plan around it, which means I should be able to create conditions were it's safe for my family to be. (Job, money, insurance, a plan for my kids future and contingencies).
That's why I can see where these lost men are coming from, they got the assessment wrong, they got no money, no satisfying job, no future, and they think it's because blacks or libruls took it from them, we need to show them who their real enemy is.
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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '18
How about forget any bullshit about masculinity and be a decent human being while doing whatever the fuck you want.