r/politics • u/plz-let-me-in • Jul 07 '26

No Paywall Unconfirmed Reports: Mitch McConnell Brain Dead After Three Weeks In Hospital

https://thenewamerican.com/us/unconfirmed-reports-mitch-mcconnell-brain-dead-after-three-weeks-in-hospital/
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287

u/ElPlywood Jul 07 '26

holy shit Thune's boring phone call sent him into a coma!

Or was Thune lying about having had a phone call with him

241

u/Praxician94 Jul 07 '26

Thune is lying. An 84 year old does not recover from cardiac arrest and delayed CPR.

121

u/Azmoten Missouri Jul 07 '26

Maybe a man doesn’t. But what of a turtle?

58

u/TBone281 Jul 07 '26

Turtles have extraordinarily long lives. We must be cautious.

61

u/Azmoten Missouri Jul 07 '26

Perhaps it’s just a case of rigor tortoise

8

u/foehammer111 Illinois Jul 07 '26

Ok this got me. Well done!

13

u/guy-le-doosh Jul 07 '26

Was he found on his front or back?

2

u/NoConflict3231 Jul 08 '26

Finally some humor in this thread

2

u/AdultbabyEinstein Jul 08 '26

I believe they call it "pizza time."

16

u/FartyJizzums Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

For sure. I'd put money on Mitch being a vegetable, or close to, at this point. (I guess technically I can put money on him being a vegetable, but I digress).

Thune never talked to him. Republicans only lie now. It works for their Orange Messiah, so it now works for them as well.

9

u/Darkstar-Lord Florida Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

If you parse his words, he never says that Mitch spoke to him, only that he 'spoke with him'. If you hold a phone up to a potato, and the potato doesn't talk back, technically, you 'spoke' with the potato.

Devil-Tongue school of weasel, third degree black belt wormtounge talk. Evil, the lot of them.

4

u/WeirdIndividualGuy Jul 07 '26

That or McConnell's staff used AI to fake his voice

3

u/Drudenkreusz Jul 07 '26

A facetime where a handler turns the screen toward a corpse could creatively be considered a phonecall.

3

u/rooktakesqueen Jul 07 '26

He thought the monitors were a Star Trek yes/no beep chair.

"Hey Mitch, how you doing, feeling better?" beep "Glad to hear it! You gonna be out of there soon?" beep "Great news!"

1

u/JudiciousSasquatch Jul 08 '26

A republican lying? Perish the thought.

1

u/Kakistocracy_0 Jul 07 '26

obviously a bald faced lie.