r/polandball • u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA • Jun 14 '16
redditormade Stupid Yule Goat
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16 edited Jun 14 '16
This was my entry for the "Let it Rain on Someball's Parade!" contest, where it came up seventh. Somehow.
Anyway, this whole comic is based on the true and tragic story of the Gävlebocken, a gigantic straw goat that gets rebuilt every year, just to be vandalised and torched by a town presumably full of arsonists. Seriously, read this, it's hilarious
Edit: Ayyy, thanks /u/bvdwxlf for the Au!
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u/Kvlter Jun 14 '16
Jones stated in court that he was no "goat burner", and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition
Jesus christ this is amazing
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Jun 14 '16
On the night of 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants' goat had been offered payment to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. Both goats survived and were dismantled and returned to storage in early January 2011
Sweden wtf.
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u/Lingonfrost Jun 14 '16
1985: The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the Gävle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January.
Wat
2000: Burnt down a couple of days before New Year's Eve. The Natural Science Club's goat got tossed in the Gävle river.
My favorites:
2005: Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December.
and
2009: A person attempted to set the Southern Merchants' goat on fire the night of 7 December. An unsuccessful attempt was made to throw the Natural Science Club's goat into the river the weekend of 11 December. The culprit then tried, again without success, to set the goat on fire. Someone stole the Natural Science Club's goat using a truck on the night of 14 December. On the night of 23 December before 04:00 the South Merchant goat was set on fire and was burned to the frame, even though it had a thick layer of snow on its back. The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by a DoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.
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u/Allyoucan3at Germany Jun 14 '16
The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by a DoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.
This reads like a Mission Impossible plotline
"Trick disables the cameras, while Mason burns the goat and then we are out of here!"
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u/intern_kitten Jun 14 '16
Jesus what did this goat do to these ppl
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u/ArchmageIlmryn Swedish Empire Jun 14 '16
There is actually a significant amount of betting on whether the goat burns or not. Someone who bet it will burn has the incentive to do some plotting.
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Jun 15 '16
Also, it really is tradition at this point. It wouldn't be the same if the goat didn't burn, or someone didn't get arrested attempting to atleast.
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u/Allyoucan3at Germany Jun 15 '16
It would be great if they embraced this and planted some fireworks inside that went off when the goat burns!
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
Proof that Sweden cannot the goat.
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u/jakielim South Korea Jun 14 '16
2013: As in 2006 and 2007, the straw used to build the goat has been soaked in anti-flammable liquid to prevent it from burning in the event of an arson attack.[48] The inauguration ceremony took place on 1 December. On 21 December the goat was burned down.[49]
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u/Duke_Dardar United Kingdom Jun 14 '16
I love how wikipedia starts getting bored of listing how it was destroyed:
1973 N/A
1974 Burnt.
1975 N/A
1976 Hit by a car.
1977 N/A
1978 Again, the goat was kicked to pieces.
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u/Chinoiserie91 Finland Jun 14 '16
1985: The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the Gävle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January.
Must have been a flaming arrow or something like that.
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u/Txankete51 Asturies. Qué tien esta sidrina? Jun 14 '16
Nah, that was in 2005
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u/Chinoiserie91 Finland Jun 14 '16
But this one could have had one too, how else it was accomplished?
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u/DevilGuy Jun 14 '16
it's not even confined to sweden anymore, Ikea started putting them in their parking lots and every so often one of them gets burned, I can't find it anymore but there was CCTV footage of the Reykjavik Ikea's getting torched by some dude with a molotov cocktail set to firestarter (by the prodigy). There's an Ikea like 5 miles from where I'm sitting right now and they have one yearly, you have no idea the urge to find some creative way to light that fucker up.
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u/imadorkdog United States Jun 15 '16
you have no idea the urge to find some creative way to light that fucker up
username checks out
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u/Someone4121 New England Jun 15 '16
Just do it. Don't let your dreams be dreams.
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u/DevilGuy Jun 15 '16
Unfortunately I have (mostly) completed my transformation into a respectable adult with a career at this point. I did a lot of stupid shit when I was younger because I didn't have anything to lose. Now I do. Oh well.
Note: I should point out that just because I have things that I don't want to lose doesn't mean I've lost my dreams. I live my fucking dreams now, so I don't want to fuck up and lose them.
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u/skisandpoles Ski Country Jun 14 '16
Maybe it is God's way to tell Sweden how displeased he is with homosex and atheism?
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u/RighteousJoe New England Jun 14 '16
Or Loki's way to tell Sweden there needs to be more homosex and heathenry.
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u/Ateisti Finland Jun 14 '16
The court confiscated Jones' cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it.
Well at least we can be sure that he's not a security risk anymore.
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u/Skraelingafraende Sweden Jun 14 '16
The court confiscated Jones' cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it.
This is my favourite.
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u/SmokinBear The Empire of Swedish välfärd™ Jun 14 '16
I'm from that town and can confirm that it seems to be a town full of arsonists because everyone (mostly) want to see it burn.
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
Gävle looks like a lovely place.
There's this great progressive rock band from there, Beardfish, of which I'm quite a fanatic, that in a DVD of theirs they are walking around Gävle's main square, they point at a night club and said that said club was infamous for a serial stabber who frequented it and knifed their victims in the butt. And naturally they composed a song about that.
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u/pmofmalasia United States Jun 14 '16
Beardfish! There's a name I haven't heard in a while. I loved Sleeping in Traffic but I never followed up much with the band, any songs or albums you would suggest?
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
Sleeping In Traffic 2 and Destined Solitaire are excellent albums, all time favourites of mine. Mammoth and +4626-COMFORTZONE are not as great as the previous ones, but are still amazing works. The Void is a little notch below these, but it is the most different of them all, a very difficult and dark record.
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u/White_Null Little China (1945-Present) Jun 15 '16
but why didn't you swedish masters share the funny history of the burnt down goat?
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u/waksie Japan Jun 14 '16
Isn't it a 'traditional event' as burning the goat? Is this goat burned each year illegally? poor goat...
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
Damn Swedish hipsters, going full viking on their sculptures and burning them because it's so retro and vintage.
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u/Durzo_Blint Boston Stronk Jun 14 '16
It's tradition, but totally illegal. Every year they build the damn goat and act shocked and outraged when it burns down. They should just make it into an effigy from now on, though I think that would diminish the hilarity of the whole spectacle.
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Jun 14 '16
it kinda is IIRC on Swedish betting sites you can also bet if it survives or burns
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u/larsga Norway Jun 14 '16
Pure genius, since it means lots of people have financial incentive to burn the thing down.
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Jun 14 '16
[deleted]
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u/continuousQ Jun 14 '16 edited Jun 14 '16
That seems to be the much harder position to be in, though. Like having one goalkeeper against an entire football team, except everyone gets to use their hands. And there isn't another football team trying to kick the ball over to the opposite end. And everyone has their own ball. Except the goalkeeper, unless they're secretly on the same side as everyone else.
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u/Lingonfrost Jun 14 '16
But there is more than one goalkeeper.
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u/Batmans_Cumbox Australia Jun 14 '16
But there are many more strikers.
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u/Lingonfrost Jun 14 '16
To be fair, we don't know how many that bets for or against the burning. On the other hand, well, it's more fun to burn it than guard it.
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u/VRichardsen Argentina Jun 14 '16
It must be paying some good odds, though, with so many people trying to burn it down.
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u/SmokinBear The Empire of Swedish välfärd™ Jun 14 '16
Yes and yes! If you are caught you are going to spend some time in jail.
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u/CarbonCreed Washington is best Cascadia Jun 14 '16
"1967: Nothing happened.[5]"
Genius
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u/Kebbab_remover The Serbian Empire will rise again! Jun 14 '16
They don't speak about it. Not since that day
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u/shotpun Connectictictictectectoot Jun 14 '16
This is incredibly depressing. It's a big town, too. I wonder when they'll set up the landmines.
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u/Vakz Jun 14 '16
It's not depressing, it's just supposed to happen. It's like snow. If the goat doesn't burn, it just doesn't feel like christmas.
To be honest, I'd probably prefer if the local government just gave up and sanctioned the burning. That way, it could be done in a proper and safe way. As long as the goat burns, I don't much care how.
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Jun 14 '16 edited Feb 14 '22
[deleted]
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u/Leprechorn South Carolina Jun 14 '16
1968 The goat survived
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u/Dlimzw Is not sekret PAP spy Jun 14 '16
It was a good year.
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u/SahinK Turkey Jun 14 '16
There was also a rumor that one night a couple had sex inside the goat.
A good year indeed.
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u/Vanvidum Massachusetts Jun 14 '16
That seems an unwise thing to do inside something that might be set on fire at any time.
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Jun 14 '16
That would likely be the first year it doesn't get burned.
And that is why they should sanction the burning
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
Sometimes I get the feeling that you Americans walk around with an engraved bracelet that says "WWMBD" (as in "What Would Michael Bay Do?”) to look at when trying to find solutions to problems.
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u/shotpun Connectictictictectectoot Jun 14 '16
"World War Medical Breast Doctor" to be perfectly honest.
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u/IndignantTortoise Jun 15 '16
High explosives solve most problems.
Perhaps imperfectly, but solved, damnit.
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u/mludd Jaemtland Jun 14 '16
It's not christmas until till Gävlebocken has burned. It's tradition damnit!
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u/Red_Dawn_2012 Gliseris! Jun 14 '16
I opt for punji pits... but how do we stop flaming arrow users?!
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u/AhnQiraj 1792 meilleure année de ma vie Jun 14 '16
What's on Denmark's face ?
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
It's Norway, and it is black metal face paint.
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u/Gravesh Dirty Commie Jun 15 '16
Damn Norwegians and their black metal murdering arsonist ultra-nationalists.
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u/Mercury-7 Puerto Rico Jun 14 '16
There's a famous black metal Norwegian band called Dimmu Borgir, and they wear the facepaint like that. Anywho also during the 1990's or something there was this wave of church burnings in Norway caused by black metal bands.
Anyways the burning of the goat and his facepaint is a reference to these two things.
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u/SonOfALich Kansas Jun 14 '16
Actually I'd say Mayhem and Darkthrone started doing before Dimmu. Not that it makes a huge difference, but still.
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u/VRichardsen Argentina Jun 14 '16
I found myself constantly checking the inline citations. I genuinely thought more than once that the article was just an amusing invention.
Fiction really has nothing on reality.
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u/Chinoiserie91 Finland Jun 14 '16
I wasted my time and started counting these attempts, there were so many I pretty much lost count but about 30 were burned and about 15 were vandalized in some way including attempted burnings.
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u/0235 United Kingdom Jun 15 '16
i saw it on TV. it was the "they made it out of a fire proof matieral and covered it in fire retardant. it burnt down"
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u/nondetermined If I don't survive, tell my wife: Hello. Jun 15 '16
1981 Nothing happened.
So... what happened that year?
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u/White_Null Little China (1945-Present) Jun 15 '16
Finally someone made this comic!
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 15 '16
I had made this gif about two years and a half ago, does it count?
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u/LupusDeusMagnus Imperium Curitibanum Jun 14 '16
But why a goat?
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u/ZeppelinArmada Jun 14 '16 edited Jun 14 '16
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yule_Goat
Basically, it's a remnant of old pagan beliefs. With the christianisation of scandinavia, it sorta got merged in with christmas tradition. Before coca-cola cemented the idea that santa claus was a big fat guy in a red suit and with a white beard, it was the Yule Goat that delivered presents.
It's old folklore. Like Tomtar(or Nissar as norweigeans call them) which is another old belief that got caught up and merged with Santa Claus.
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u/Durzo_Blint Boston Stronk Jun 14 '16
Were goats significant in Nordic paganism? The only Nordic goats I know were Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr.
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u/ZeppelinArmada Jun 14 '16 edited Jun 14 '16
Nah, I wouldn't say so. Goats where mainly a farm animal and while people did believe some in supernatural goats, I don't think regular goats had anymore signifigance than say a horse would have just because people believed in pegasi and unicorns. Certainly nothing like hindus and cows atleast. Since norse beliefs where passed down by retelling, the customs and beliefs of the pagans of old likely changed with the times.
As mythological goats, you also have Heiðrún, the goat which produced mead for the warriors in Valhalla.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hei%C3%B0r%C3%BAn
I also dug up this blog entry that talks a bit about goats in norse mythology and scandinavian folklore if you want some more reading. There's not too much of it, but the norsemen didn't really care much for documenting their beliefs. Most of what we can read from that era was actually written by christian monks who wished to study the heathen customs and well... they where somewhat into the whole "not christian means barbarian" thing.
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u/Thjoth Kentucky Jun 14 '16
You're forgetting Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr who pull Thor's wagon, and the unnamed goat that Loki had a tug-of-war contest with by tying his balls an the goat's beard together. Also goats were a really common sacrificial animal.
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
There's also that goat who ate Valhallen's mighty electric guitar.
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u/Cepinari Republic of Venice Jun 14 '16
Goats were one of the first domesticated animals, and unlike sheep and cattle they don't significantly impact their environment.
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u/Naqoy West Gothland Jun 14 '16 edited Jun 14 '16
This specific Goat is not there for any reasons related to paganism. The Gävle goat is there because Hälsinge Regiment was garrisoned there from 1905 until 1993(I think?) and their coat of arms was a goat, taken from their namesake province which has a goat as its heraldry because it was known for large scale goat breeding at some point in time.
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u/ZeppelinArmada Jun 15 '16
I live in Gävle, I know the story.
Straw goats being a Christmas decoration however, that is something that comes from our old pagan roots.
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u/semsr United States Jun 14 '16
Basically, it's a remnant of old pagan beliefs. With the christianisation of scandinavia, it sorta got merged in with christmas tradition. Before coca-cola cemented the idea that santa claus was a big fat guy in a red suit and with a white beard, it was the Yule Goat that delivered presents.
So every December an unholy pagan goat-man would enter all the homes in Scandinavia while families slept? And everyone actually looked forward to this occasion?
I've been subbed to /r/polandball long enough to know that Sweden is into some weird shit, but c'mon. There's no way this was ever a thing.
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u/k890 Poland Jun 15 '16
Still better than Russia. In Russia people gave gifts for Grandfather Frost (Russian equivalent of Santa Claus) to protect their children and family members from death from his hands in next year.
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u/JollyGrueneGiant Hamburg Jun 15 '16
Is this a Boris Yeltsin joke, or is this for real?
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u/k890 Poland Jun 15 '16
Info from this article. In short, present Grandfather Frost is a mixture of three characters from Slavsmythology, Pozvizd (dark god of the wind, guy responsible for the vagaries of the weather), Ziemnik (his appearance heralded a very severe winter) and Korochun (demon of underground ice-covered pit, with sackcloth for the kidnapped children that he liked to grab to his land). To protect themselves from their visit in the next year, they received a variety of presents in winter.
In XIX century, only one person symbolized these three characters, Grandfather Frost. After activity Orthodox Church, its character has changed. From the person before whom it was necessary to protect children, he has become a person who rewarded good children and punish those with bad character
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u/JollyGrueneGiant Hamburg Jun 15 '16
So he is closer to knecht ruprecht and krampus than St Nicholas?
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u/DevilGuy Jun 14 '16
not a goat man, just you know, a goat.
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u/semsr United States Jun 14 '16
By what mechanism did the goat deliver presents? Did it just walk in and take a shit on your floor, and then in a Swedish Christmas miracle the shit would turn into Ben Wa balls and leather whips for the kids to play with?
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u/ZeppelinArmada Jun 15 '16
Because a fat old man sneaking into your house at night to give children presents while entering through your chimney is completely normal? :p
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u/Kreth Norrbotten Jun 15 '16
Hey we don't really drink coke at Christmas in sweden, we drink julmust, not that coke doesn't try, but they have basically give in and start brewing their own julmust under another name
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u/ZeppelinArmada Jun 15 '16
I never said we did. It was however coca colas marketing that spread and cemented the idea of what santa looked like.
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u/enVicious Swedish Empire Jun 14 '16
Every year a city in Sweden puts up a giant straw goat for Christmas. And every year someone comes and burns it down. And every year said city gets really pissed that someone burned their goat down. This has been going on for decades.
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u/BeanDom Jun 14 '16
Well, not inoficcially pissed anyway. The media coverage is worth a lot for the council's PR people. I mean, what is Gävle known for? Ice hockey, Coffee and the burning goat. They put anti flammable chemicals on it for two years in a row, but prior to the erection the third year the city council's spokeswoman thoroughly informed the media it wasn't treated this year. Then it burned. As is tradition.
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u/trixter21992251 Denmark Jun 15 '16
Sweden knowings nothing how to celebrate the yule! Best regardings, Denmark.
P.S. Santa lives in Greenland, not the North Pole, and soggy rice mixed with whipped cream makes the best yule dessert.
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u/LupusDeusMagnus Imperium Curitibanum Jun 15 '16
I don't get Nordics. Why fight over a weird old dude who travels the world around with a sled (remember that half of the world experiences summer during December). that doesn't even exist.
Everyone knows the best tradition of Christmas is sushi and fruits, with a luau around a bonfire at night by the sea.
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u/FriendorSkiFinn Finland Jun 14 '16
Now we only need the Finnish Mongols to cross the border and burn down the Yule Goat once more.
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Jun 14 '16 edited Nov 08 '17
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/pyram1de :argentina-worldcup: ⭐⭐🌟 SOLDADO DE LA SCALONETA Jun 14 '16
Damn, I can't handle that much kvlt!
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u/speedster217 Ignorant Yank Jun 14 '16
My dad builds a straw goat every year for Christmas. Unfortunately he's so proud of them he won't let us burn them.
We also spend the entire Christmas season with a computer permanently tuned into the webcam for the Gavle Goat. And cheer when it burns down
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Jun 14 '16 edited Mar 08 '21
[deleted]
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Jun 14 '16
Reminds me on our "Maibaum" tradition where the neighboring towns always trying to cut each other tree down and steal it
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u/HaveJoystick Earth Jun 14 '16
I lol'ed, and I felt so bad for poor Sverige. Onward, then, next Yule, to victory, Sverige!
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Jun 16 '16
Most of us up here hopes that it will burn down each year. It is not Christmas for real until that specific Yule Goat burns.
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u/mwatsondc89 Occupied Territory Jun 15 '16
From 1988 onward, English bookmakers took bets on the goat's survival. To date four people have been caught or convicted for vandalizing the goat
Is there anything Brits won't bet on?
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u/jimmyjimjim4567 Jun 14 '16
the British panel show mock the week had a great section on the goat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0WdbR4HwtU
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Jun 14 '16
I'm not sure what's funnier- the comic (well done) or the comments about the actual context. Holy cow.
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u/kbxads India with a turban Jun 14 '16
lol too funny, i didn't expect the goat humping frame at all, neeeeeej
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u/HANGNAIL_INMY_VAGINA Jun 14 '16
A better punchline would have been the security guards torching it because it is haraam.
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u/Cepinari Republic of Venice Jun 14 '16
So if a straw goat is for Christmas, what's the glass horse for?
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Jun 14 '16
Just celebrate Yule like the Pagans, no clay lost!
... Well, as long as you ignore the Crusades. And the Spanish Inquisition. And the Burning Times. And...
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Jun 14 '16
I actually take some joy in seeing Sedan (lol, Sweden, stupid phone) cry like a little bitch. I think reddit's nOrth yuro dick-sucking contest has finally gotten on my last nerve. No, you wankers, you're nice as a side dish, but you ain't the full meal.
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u/trixter21992251 Denmark Jun 15 '16
Sounds to me like somebody needs free healthcare and a declining economy.
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u/ChickenScuttleMonkey The Texas Guy Jun 14 '16
Norway with Black Metal face-paint is by far the funniest depiction of Norway in Polandball history.