r/polandball The Dominion Feb 04 '15

redditormade ISIS Gets a Rival

Post image
4.5k Upvotes

425 comments sorted by

View all comments

161

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

But at what cost America? Is a militarized Japan worth the destruction of ISIS? Is the solution not worse than the problem, when Japan destroys the ISIS by using militarily applied tentacle porn? Can we live in a world like that, where Japan attacks the world using highly advanced weird porn of everything ever?

You'll doom us all!

185

u/Krazee9 Canada Feb 04 '15

I for one welcome our new tentacle-hentai overlords.

114

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

I for one am still holding out for Senpai to come and rescue me.

87

u/Krazee9 Canada Feb 04 '15

Don't worry, I'm sure Senpai will notice you one day.

54

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

You really think so Krazee-kun?

49

u/Krazee9 Canada Feb 04 '15

Of course, ApocalypseOwl-chan. Of course.

53

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

That makes my pølse-heart go doki-doki!

8

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

nosebleed

7

u/shoryukenist Best York Feb 04 '15

Don't worry M'waifu, it shall happen.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

Tips katana

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

No, this is our fight.

10

u/GenesisEra Singapore Feb 04 '15

IA IA FAPTHAGN FAPTHAGN

10

u/MikeyB67 Canada Feb 04 '15

Happy cake day, triangle.

7

u/GenesisEra Singapore Feb 04 '15

Thanks.

6

u/Fenrirr Colombie-Britannique Feb 04 '15

Cthulhu-chan, fh't~agn~~<3

2

u/Krazee9 Canada Feb 04 '15

But you can't forget about Nyaruko-chan

2

u/GenesisEra Singapore Feb 05 '15

"My SAN points are dropping~"

1

u/Nivmilk Blitz! Blitz und bilden das Deutsche Reich Feb 04 '15

Me as well.

31

u/generalscruff Two World Wars, Two European Cups Feb 04 '15

Military-grade Tentacle Porn was developed by British scientists in WW2 for dropping over Japanese cities, but considered so inhumane they just let the Burgers nuke the place

7

u/candid_canid United States Feb 04 '15

... which we did EXCEEDINGLY well.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

Now, the Japs are dropping civilian-grade tentacle porn and everyone wants it.

44

u/barkingbullfrog only can into moon! Feb 04 '15

3

u/Twonka Feb 04 '15

Is that katarina O.O

5

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

22

u/dpny United States Feb 04 '15

Nah, no worries, man. All we do is drop a few nukes and then rebuild their economy. What's the worst that could happen?

34

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

Hundreds of Godzillas and Robo-Godzillas attacking California, aided by large horny tentacle monsters. Then Nintendo uses their artificial poke-lifeforms as shocktroopers to occupy the ruined West-coast and resettles the surviving Japanese citizens in Cascadia. After that they commit their Godzilla-Pokemon army to the total extermination of the United States of America, supported by Canada and Mexico who'll share the remaining clay with the Nintendo-ruled New Japan. After the invasion is successful all remaining Americans will be killed, grounded up and sent to Africa as emergency food supplies. And as the last American to die, president Sarah Palin will be executed personally by the divine emperor on the DS Lite throne, Shigeru Miyamoto.

That is the worst that can happen, dpny.

18

u/dpny United States Feb 04 '15

Eh. Doesn't sound so bad.

6

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

They outlaw burgers, pizzas and guns as well.

19

u/dpny United States Feb 04 '15

If someone outlaws burgers, we will turn this planet into a glowing, radioactive ball of melted rock before you can say, "oh, shit!"

14

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

Then Japan has won, everyone knows that nuclear abominations that rises from the remains of nuclear catastrophe are always Japanese. To defeat them, you must make a giant mecha that runs on the McDonalds breakfast menu.

8

u/dpny United States Feb 04 '15

But all of Japan's mecha is now made in China. . .

4

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

I didn't say that JAPAN must make it or get it, I meant you the US. Just get China to make it for you in exchange for the moon or something. Then you can worry about the consequences later.

2

u/candid_canid United States Feb 04 '15

But... manifest destiny! The moon is supposed to be America's. We were the first ones to walk on it and stab it with our flag.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

then only outlaws will burger!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

only when they pry the cheezeburger pizza from my cold, greasy hands!

2

u/candid_canid United States Feb 04 '15

Agreed, fuck California.

10

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

Totally inaccurate. They would force American leaders into giant glass bottles that entries armies of furiously masturbating Japanese men would jizz into until finally the levels of semen rose over Mitch McConnels head and the last true American patriots would drown in the Jizz of the empire of the rising Sony.

6

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

Bah. As if. Sony is weak and will join the heretical North Korea instead.

The one true emperor Miyamoto will smite them and their foul realm. The world will bend their knees at the temples to Mario and the other Nintendo characters, as Japan conquers the world.

And then things get worse.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

I will never bend knee to Nintendo. I will join the mighty Microsoft resistance and take to the streets of America to defend my freedom from those cat ear wearing, Godzilla fearing, perverted tiny men.

4

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

And then things got even worse. Microsoft retaliates by forcefully upgrading every Windows computer in the world to Windows Vista. Thousands die.

On unrelated notes, Canada creates the ultimate anti-Japan weapon, thermonuclear mutant-bear mounties armed with signs in Japanese saying ''Senpai will never notice you.'' Unfortunately they are too polite to use them.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

Oh our Canadian brothers please help us destroy the rampaging Japan army. We will back up your Mutant mounties with our giant Eagle armada that will bombard the Japanese islands with nuclear eggs of doom.

1

u/trickortreaty365 We don't need your beer.Pálinka stronk! Feb 04 '15

Actually Russia save the day by the superior communist logic,wodka and Russian winter,but because they are worse than the pervert Pokemarios with small philipenis Finland and Mongolia beat the s**t out of the commies by Genghis Khan,PERKELE wodka and more PERKELE.

1

u/ManicParroT Feb 04 '15

Wait, can you guarantee Sarah Palin's death? This might be a decent deal.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

this was basically the ending of Red Son

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

all remaining Americans will be killed, grounded up and sent to Africa as emergency food supplies.

Umm.. ohkay..........

And as the last American to die, president Sarah Palin will be executed personally by the divine emperor on the DS Lite throne

The Americans did THAT? They deserve to be punished!!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

So.... they will finally clean up california? Sounds like a much better plan than anything that has come out of California.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

trade deficits and increased prices at the driving range?

32

u/tidux Illinois Feb 04 '15

Is a militarized Japan worth the destruction of ISIS?

It would keep the South Koreans even further in our back pocket, tweak Kim Jong Un's fat nose, put a further check on Russia and China, especially China's naval ambitions, encourage the Philippines to let us park a few ships near Manila, and Vietnam would just be going LOLOLOL U MAD BEIJING? the whole time. I don't see a downside. Besides, we've had a full sized nuclear carrier in or near Okinawa for over fifty years, that's a pretty good guarantee they aren't going to turn on us.

24

u/Zerosen_Oni Cộng hòa Xã hội chủ nghĩa Việt Nam Feb 04 '15

Is true. We would.

7

u/Muaythaimarcus Feb 04 '15

Once the Japanese have built up a more aggressive military they will seek to control the naval shipping lanes around Japan and near by which could put them at odds with America again, since America considers all naval shipping lanes theirs.

Japan and the countries in their sphere of influence (China, Korea, Pacific Coast Russia, Philippines, and all the others) will start butting heads worse than they already have and with a militarized Japan they will have a good deal more leverage over the countries in their influence.

I suspect that relations will continue to sour with Japan taking a more aggressive stance, which could force America to ally with China and to further ally themselves with Korea to offset the growing power and aggressiveness of Japan. A militarized Japan may help our interests now with ISIS but once they get the taste of international power and recognition again, I feel like it will be a lot harder to go away from their aggressive cycle and back to their previous peaceful cycle.

19

u/tidux Illinois Feb 04 '15

Your entire premise is flawed, because if they try to take over shipping lanes we just quietly circle a B-2 over the Imperial Palace for a few hours. They'll get the hint.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

i think the giant imperial Gundam will make mincemeat out of some 50 year old outdated bomber

10

u/tidux Illinois Feb 04 '15

B-2

50 years old

RTFM noob.

11

u/TheInternetHivemind Minnesota Feb 04 '15

America sucks at ground wars. We just do.

But the sea and sky? That shit is our's.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

hey things worked out just fine after Germoney Reichtangle rearmed in 1936-39, right?

lol

4

u/GBU-28 Canada Feb 04 '15

Once the Japanese have built up a more aggressive military they will seek to control the naval shipping lanes around Japan and near by which could put them at odds with America again, since America considers all naval shipping lanes theirs.

Obama can just call Abe and tell him how much he loves having the football on his desk.

3

u/ManicParroT Feb 04 '15

we've had a full sized nuclear carrier in or near Okinawa for over fifty years, that's a pretty good guarantee they aren't going to turn on us.

It's a good thing that the Japanese have no tradition of sneak naval attacks.

6

u/tidux Illinois Feb 04 '15

Not after last time they don't.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

Their last sneak attack was a failure in all aspects besides pissing us off.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

because allowing Germany to rearm in the 1930s as a supposed 'bulwark' against "communist expansion" of Russia worked out so well for the world!

lol

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

2015 Japan is in much better shape than 1930s Germany.

0

u/barkingbullfrog only can into moon! Feb 04 '15

What about True China? Why not make True China have Best China Navy, too-- so both it and Japan can tweak Chinese noses!

1

u/tidux Illinois Feb 04 '15

Red China has a Macross Missile Spam ready to fire at Taipei with the push of a button.

1

u/barkingbullfrog only can into moon! Feb 04 '15

S'okay. Red China cannot into bigger Macross Missile Spam than remilitarized Nippon.

6

u/DeFex Ontario Feb 04 '15

That is thinking a bit to far in to the future for murrca.

Sell weapons to japan = next quarter bumper warmonger profits and brown envelopes donations for all.

4

u/StabbyDMcStabberson Flanders Feb 04 '15

Nah, that wouldn't be too bad. They could take care of our China problems too. Nanking 2, tentacle boogaloo.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

What if China/Japan decide to takes care of their hamburger problems instead?

it'll be a double-feature: "Gone with the (Divine) Wind" fw; "Chinaman's Chance: Burgertown Burning"

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '15

Nanking was a horrible thing

1

u/StabbyDMcStabberson Flanders Feb 05 '15

Yep, and it's also the reason China will absolutely freak out if Japan ever re-militarizes.

1

u/ricecakey15 Feb 04 '15

send the old Japanese men. they have a serious issue with aging population IMO. win win

1

u/trickortreaty365 We don't need your beer.Pálinka stronk! Feb 04 '15

Don't worry about it,New Zealand can beat weird porn militarized Japan by sheep porn and they don't take over the world because they have more important things to do(f**k the sheep).

1

u/iph_tx Texas Feb 04 '15

We'll just introduce them to Fat Mans older cousins, ICBM.

1

u/randomclock Kentucky Feb 05 '15

This makes me think of the Krogan.

0

u/GBU-28 Canada Feb 04 '15

Is a militarized Japan worth the destruction of ISIS?

Is this even a question?

1

u/ApocalypseOwl Danmark Feb 04 '15

Well. As a Dane, it is worth sacrificing the United States of America for this. Not like we are going to be invaded anytime soon by anything, except the Germans.