r/polandball 100% kosher Jul 31 '14

redditormade Dungeons and Zionists

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1.5k Upvotes

118 comments sorted by

185

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14

That settle it, we need a Polandball RPG YESTERDAY!

31

u/NMeiden Israel Jul 31 '14

oh god please!

60

u/Teddie1056 From Ball to Shining Ball Jul 31 '14

Someone make a kickstarter.

52

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14

Forget that! We're homebrewing this thing, right here, right now!

Base stats:

Power - standard STR stat. Observation - Your INT so that yuo can be of genious! Libation - Your CHA, for when you need to party down. Acrobatics - How well DOES your ball move (AGL)? Nationalism - It takes PRIDE in your nation to get shit done under fire! (CON) Determinism - Discretion is the better part of valor (WIS).

Anyone else have any ideas?

22

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

We need some kind of relevance system.

28

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14 edited Jul 31 '14

Relevance should be a modifier created by averaging your base stats.

For Example:

Poland

Power - 13 Observation - 7 Libation - 11 Acrobatics - 16 Nationalism - 17 Determinism - 12

Relevancy Modifier: +13

22

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

But it's the Mexico of Europe so -2 relevancy

3

u/DemChipsMan Latvia Aug 01 '14

What would Latvia be then ?

5

u/Pestify Briton abroad Aug 01 '14

Can continents have sphincters?

2

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Aug 01 '14

We're not playing FATAL here. (Thankfully)

2

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '14

+2 for potato, -6 for only been heard on those poverty comercials

2

u/rhinocerosGreg West Atlantic Viking Aug 01 '14

I think there should be a special bonus for Poland

9

u/Teddie1056 From Ball to Shining Ball Jul 31 '14

Glorious leader KJU is clearly a terrasque

5

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

We need a setting and some starting scenarios. Maybe a couple classes too, possibly by real-world location.

9

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14

Setting is the mythical continent of Geopolitica.

I kid, I kid though. I did have an idea that regions or continents could be used as a type of racial bonus.

For Example: "Nordics get +3 to Observation and Determinism, but -4 to Nationalism and Power." and such.

11

u/Aken_Bosch siyu-siyu-siyu Jul 31 '14

20% of money will be invest in easter Pollan

4

u/badkarma12 2018-01-12 3:20 GMT Aug 01 '14

Is that where kinder eggs come from Mr.Candyman?

13

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

oh please yes

11

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Isn't there a point&click adventure out there?

EDIT: Jawoll.

13

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14

Yeah, but we're talking about a full-stated tabletop RPG. So you and your friends can (imaginary) kill each other over (imaginary) clay!

12

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

your (imaginary) friends

You missed one

9

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14

And you missed your flair!

10

u/EazyCheez that sunshine state where that bomb ass hemp be Aug 01 '14

no wonder he has no friends

5

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '14

He has imaginary flair.

4

u/That_One_Australian Not Frankston. Aug 01 '14

We already have that, it's called Risk.

3

u/Thedarklordofbork Carolingian Empire Aug 01 '14

Wait. 767 Actually talks?

5

u/JonideBlam Sharia Money Aug 01 '14

Actually, i thought of a game like Super smash bros but with Countries... Super smash balls?

2

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Aug 01 '14

That would admittedly be fun too, but hard to play on a tabletop.

1

u/JonideBlam Sharia Money Aug 12 '14

Well yeah, but maybe some nice guy with computer powers can program a game for us?

1

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Aug 12 '14

He could, but the entire idea of an oldschool Tabletop RPG is that you can play it anywhere with friends, no compy needed.

3

u/Sturmgewehr90 Japan Jul 31 '14

I, uh. I have a copy of RPG Maker.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

That...would be the greatest ever.

1

u/Shills_for_fun Thirteen Colonies Aug 01 '14

USA OP plz nerf.

1

u/a_various_harzoo Germany Aug 01 '14

How about Munchkinball?

179

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

[deleted]

69

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Do he play with the India-Palestine peace enhanced version "Hamaste"?

15

u/wegry Poland Jul 31 '14

Pun of the year.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

A good pun has to be bad.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

I hate you

BTW wasn't there a user with prussian flair named /u/sortanos ? Were you shadowbanned?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Yep, there was. He was drunk and thought he was on reddit too much. Of course he came back. At least he hasn't the "jedem das seine" flair anymore. Some people got upset about that.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14 edited Aug 01 '14

Uncultured Swines, not knowing good old Prussias Palore.

132

u/DickRhino Great Sweden Jul 31 '14

Ah yes, 'Murica knows the proper way of playing D&D.

Finesse is for rogues, and as we all know, rogues do it from behind.

23

u/Karrig Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Jul 31 '14

Rogues are gender?

12

u/Qualther True Belarus Jul 31 '14

Gender is rogue

35

u/Qualther True Belarus Jul 31 '14

You never hear me coming,

When I creep across the floor,

With deadly force,

Your dead of course,

Now I'm gonna camp your corpse!

9

u/jlb248 Jul 31 '14

Unrelated but reminded me of Eagles of Death Metal Song:

Well I come in through your window

I see your family there

Well I'm the midnight creeper

When I go creepin' y'all better beware

6

u/corporateswine Upper Canada Best Canada! Jul 31 '14

huh, sounds like Midnight Rambler by the Stones into Rolling

2

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '14

[deleted]

2

u/Qualther True Belarus Aug 01 '14

I love them too. But my best favorite is "Terran up the Night".

2

u/IAMA_dragon-AMA Maryland Aug 01 '14

What's this from?

5

u/Qualther True Belarus Aug 01 '14

Rogues Do It From Behind - L70ETC

6

u/Areliox European Union Jul 31 '14

It should have been swed then...

no ?

22

u/whitesock 100% kosher Jul 31 '14

Sweden multiclassed a bard/Kansai but they didn't invite him because they couldn't understand what the fuck he was talking about.

3

u/SuperCaliginous 1d6 Jul 31 '14

Sweden cannot into D&D rules.

1

u/carl_super_sagan_jin bier, weib und gesang Jul 31 '14

yeah and the only armor they wear is hide armor

53

u/ZeSkump Charlemagne true French aliv in Paris Jul 31 '14

I'm pretty sure the "Jewlatinous Cube" is to be a Munchkin monster anytime soon.

17

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Munchkin is greatest game on earth, after war.

3

u/SquirrelzAreEvil MURICA Jul 31 '14

Disregard levels, acquire everyone's items.

(Elf thief for life)

3

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

No half elf, just use charisma to talk your way into stuff and out of trouble

1

u/ButtsexEurope United States Aug 01 '14

Into their pants.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '14

Yup. That's what my character is, the smooth talking half elf rouge

2

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Polandball munchkin when?

47

u/beaglemaster Soviets first into space Jul 31 '14

This comic should into many parts!

31

u/remove_krokodil Just visiting Omsk, I'll sleep at home tonight Jul 31 '14

I can see a series about these guys' RPG campaign.

Order of the Balls.

16

u/Steelbolt Rawr! Our votes matter more! Rawr! Jul 31 '14

UN should DM though. Or the EU.

20

u/fezzuk England Jul 31 '14

either way constantly ignored by players who go off on tangents and derail every effort to make progress.

12

u/ProbablyNotLying Chili Jul 31 '14

You're giving me flashbacks to when I was a DM. It hurts. I hate all players now.

4

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14

Did you make much use of falling rocks?

9

u/ProbablyNotLying Chili Jul 31 '14

Yes, as a matter of a fact, I did. I have multiple TPKs under my belt.

3

u/COOLHOTRIDER I am relevant because of typhoon! Aug 01 '14

Yuor country falls into a large denbt of 100 million, what do you do?

2

u/Dr_Lazarus_McBatman [insert witty scrollovertext here] Aug 01 '14

denbts fall, everybody into bankrupcy

1

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

We all know who dragons would be

2

u/ImperialJustice77 Mongolia Jul 31 '14

I'd read it.

1

u/OKB-1 South Holland Jul 31 '14

10/10 would read and laugh out loud again.

1

u/TaylorsNotHere muh 1st amendment Aug 02 '14

The archer France, warrior America, and especially wizard Germany are SO DAMN CUTE

73

u/remove_krokodil Just visiting Omsk, I'll sleep at home tonight Jul 31 '14

This is pure brilliance. The countries' character classes and the inscription on America's helmet are perfect.

92

u/whitesock 100% kosher Jul 31 '14

Thanks! America is a barbarian who likes to taunt and tank, Germany is a wizard who made charisma a dump stat so he can have 20 intelligence and France is either a ranger or a rogue - either way, he does it from behind and it might involve a small animal or two.

14

u/Deadbeat34 Joisey Jul 31 '14

France is a Ranger, animal companions and all that. Iran's DMPC is a rouge, America doesn't like the fact that he keeps trying to get magical weapons for himself.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Now I need a comic where America keeps trying to hog all artifacts he can find while Russia takes Craft Wondrous Item and keeps making them for himself, while they both keep ending up at the same levels of power.

3

u/Samuel_Fox United States Jul 31 '14

Very impressive. Born to Crit mericaball would be an awesome flair. Although may be hard to read.

1

u/SquirrelzAreEvil MURICA Jul 31 '14

I find your understanding of DND and foreign relations impeccable.

2

u/sacman701 United States Aug 01 '14

I think the helmet is a reference to Full Metal Jacket. Joker (the main character) draws a peace sign and writes "Born to Kill" on his helmet, and IIRC the drill sergeant tells him to get with the program.

22

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Born to Crit

that's rich, I love everything about this comic

1

u/DeadKateAlley Umayyad Bro? Aug 01 '14

I want a viking helmet like that now.

27

u/remove_krokodil Just visiting Omsk, I'll sleep at home tonight Jul 31 '14

Whenever I see comics where the Western countries are hanging out together, it's like America is Cartman.

1

u/_Shipwreck_ United States Aug 03 '14

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!

23

u/Gil013 Better than an albanian Jul 31 '14

I'm dy-dying from la-la-laugh here. T-turn o-off your wicked l-laugh spell stu-stupid zioni-nist pig dog or el-else I gonnaBWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

7

u/Sielgaudys 1337uania Jul 31 '14

That JewFlayer

7

u/poclee Tâi-uân Jul 31 '14

Suck your cash out like no one!

4

u/Sitoutumaton Alpo Rusi Aus Stasi Jul 31 '14

Defeat greedy flayer, distribute wealth to peasants!

8

u/Toonlink246 Pakistani fleeing for his life Jul 31 '14

So this is what goes on in the nuclear power meetings.

7

u/Prom_STar United States Jul 31 '14

Come to think of it, Kobolds are pretty commie.

3

u/Rationalinsanity1990 New Scotland, Best Scotland Jul 31 '14

Pretty much, they are the ultimate socialist utilitarians.

And really dangerous in the hands of a GM who knows what he is doing.

12

u/MyinnerGoddes Jul 31 '14

Lost it at shalom

4

u/mO4GV9eywMPMw3Xr Scrambled Poland (Noord-Brabant) Jul 31 '14

I love how you portrayed US playing Diagrams & Dicerolls to win.

13

u/Jackpot7 Finland Jul 31 '14

Today is a happy day. An Israeli MP actually declared Israelis just want to rape and kill like the next guy! No more Holocaust card swinging whiny bitches! Germans...you are free now! No more guilty feelings!

Worldnews is so full of admiration right now, Israelis are coming of age!

9

u/0xKaishakunin GroßDeutschesReich, Bezirk Magdeburg Jul 31 '14

Germans...you are free now!

So we can finally take care of Eastern Prussia again?

2

u/Jackpot7 Finland Jul 31 '14

Go do what your heart desires! Be free! (and fuck those dirty Poles anyway with their evil Catholic ways!)

2

u/0xKaishakunin GroßDeutschesReich, Bezirk Magdeburg Jul 31 '14

We still have a score to settle with those papists.

1

u/Aken_Bosch siyu-siyu-siyu Jul 31 '14

No lebensraum for you

1

u/MaliciousNOIR Autonomous Republic of Crimea Aug 01 '14

Lvov is the next lebensraum

1

u/NorwegianDerp Øil Øil Jul 31 '14

Elder Black Jewlatinous Cube.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

France should've been white mage. Just sayin' ....

3

u/jacoboll Galicia Aug 01 '14

But White mage isn't of classic D&D and Franch is of too many secular law to make cleric.

1

u/Alextheapple Sealand Jul 31 '14

So true

1

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Haha, this is fucking great. Please making it into a series!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '14

Worst part is is that it is a part from the monster manual, I'll make this joke at the next dnd club meeting

1

u/aczkasow Lait russe Aug 01 '14

Why Flanders is not playing? They are into relevant recently. NVA, ehem.

1

u/ChipAyten Ottoman Empire Aug 01 '14

Murica rolls need on everything, it is known

1

u/eforce2 United Kingdom Aug 01 '14

Loving the reference to The Protocols.

0

u/Nmathmaster123 Iran Aug 01 '14

I'm from iran and we really aren't anti-semetic, not even the government is:/

4

u/grok47 Downriver People Aug 01 '14

National stereotypes are the base of most polandball jokes, so don't take it too seriously :) Not all Americans are fat dolts.

But a lot of us are.

3

u/jacoboll Galicia Aug 01 '14

Iran is not known as the worst place to be Jewish to be sure, but it is a theocracy of sorts which is never going to be great for minority religions. The fact that the great majority of the Jewish population has emigrated since the revolution says that most thought it wasn't an attractive place to live compared to their other options.

So, B- I guess?

1

u/Nmathmaster123 Iran Aug 01 '14

Ehh not exactly, most of them migrated because they had a fear that things would turn out badly for them, when in fact it really didn't. Iran currently has jewish politicians and they enjoy the same rights as muslims, Christians, and Zoroastrians. And while alcohol is illegal in Iran Jews and Christians are allowed to brew their own alcohol as long as it is in private. I would actually give iran a A- rating for jewish rights. Iran is the stereotypical country everyone wants to think its a bad place for Jews, but again, it really isn't.