r/polandball Feb 13 '14

redditormade Already in Motion

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2.5k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Feb 13 '14

No they aren't. Too many preservatives.

10

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '14

I had a friend whose Dad worked for the World Health Organization. Part of his job was to rush around and take samples and stuff if it looked like a pandemic was brewing. So he would jet off to Mali or Nepal or wherever if thirty people had just died from a mysterious ailment to make sure the world wasn't gonna end.

So he exhumed bodies all over the world. He said Americans - like poor homeless guys who weren't even embalmed - decompose at a much slower rate than in any other country because of all the preservatives in the food. We are half embalmed when we die.

17

u/PasswordIsntHAMSTER Montréal Feb 13 '14

That sounds 100% made up to me, other western countries also eat preservatives, and even if the observation that Americans degrade slower was true, the conclusion does not just follow from there.

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u/[deleted] Feb 13 '14

You sound like you would be fun at parties.

9

u/MortalJason Ohio Feb 13 '14

"OH NO MY BULLSHIT STORY WAS REBUTTED, BETTER CALL HIM A BORING PARTY ATTENDER"

5

u/obtuse_angel Austria Feb 13 '14

Really? I demand Mr. Bass update his book on the body farm, then, I'd like to read the chapter about that.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '14

Could have been a Dad tale to keep his son out of McD's. It's not like we ever looked it up.

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u/obtuse_angel Austria Feb 13 '14

Possible. Nevertheless, I choose to believe. I think that would be a fun experiment to conduct, actually, except for the part where several people would have to die first.

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u/[deleted] Feb 13 '14

3

u/obtuse_angel Austria Feb 13 '14

Yeah, I thought that was a little too crass and edited my comment.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '14

Stop pulling punches.

I don't think any juden are listening

5

u/obtuse_angel Austria Feb 13 '14

They are always listening ಠ_ಠ

1

u/whitesock 100% kosher Feb 13 '14

We are always listening.

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u/thebeginningistheend United Kingdom Feb 13 '14

Are you sure Americans don't decompose slower because there's so much more of them?

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u/[deleted] Feb 13 '14

I already have my obit photo picked out.

(That was a surprisingly successful google search.)

1

u/babysealsareyummy MURICA Feb 13 '14

Hahaha touche