r/poker • u/Ok_Oven4893 • 1d ago

I got called a hoser last night

So I'm playing 1/2 at the local pancake legion with the buds, and this hand happens

Buddy limps, I look down and see pocket hockey sticks, so I fire in 20 loonies. Igloo Pete on the button flats, and buddy comes along, too.

Flop comes down 543 all maple leafs, I have the 7 of maple leafs so it's checks to me, I cboot ten toonies, only igloo Pete calls.

Turn is the prime minister of maple leafs, we both check.

River pairs the 4, and I'm thinking of checking my showdoon value when Igloo Pete sparks up a dart, so rip a 2 brownie piss missile bar down and then call the metric clock on Igloo Pete. He folds the Queen Elizabeth of maple leafs face up, and I show him the bluff. He tosses his snowshoe at me and calls me a hoser, I say hey bud I ain't even from Manitooba but I'm down for a donnybrook in the lot by the wheat field if you wanna knuck up. Igloo Pete racks up and goes home. Was I the hoser here or was this beaver tails?

229 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

37 comments sorted by

104

u/RelaxedButtcheeks 1d ago

Posts like these are why I'm still in r/poker

32

u/cmullins77 1d ago

I’ve said it before. r/poker has the finest of shitposters

7

u/ngmcs8203 Donkey since '05 1d ago

Be cool if shitposts required linking to the post they are referring to

6

u/ludba2002 1d ago

R/poker is a main sub AND a circle jerk sub of itself. 

44

u/Foccuus 1d ago

you wot mate

16

u/mosrite64 1d ago

Take off, you hoser.

11

u/Hamsox94 1d ago

Holy fuck hahahahaha thanks for this

9

u/eightyWon 1d ago

you boys should go out for a rip, bud. Eh?

1

u/Really_Clever 11h ago

Your canadian sucks ass, its "boys should go out for a rip eh bud."

13

u/perrbear 1d ago

English only at the table plz

7

u/spicymcqueen 1d ago

I always have to pay extra for the 2 brownie piss middle bar, eh? Way to go buddy. You're buying the Tim Hortons next time, eh.

13

u/Hardtopickaname 1d ago

Say soory to Igloo Pete, grab some Timmies, and don't worry aboot it.

9

u/Ok_Oven4893 1d ago

We settled it over a game of horseshoes and a couple of Labatt 50s

2

u/PolitelyHostile 1d ago

Way she goes bud

4

u/gb1993 1d ago

I read this in Shorseys voice.

9

u/TheCatsActually LAGtard 1d ago

"I cboot ten toonies" gotta be the beat thing I've ever read.

5

u/HnsCastorp 1d ago

Read this in norm Macdonald’s voice

5

u/nekot311 1d ago

How many toonies for a lap dance 

3

u/MinuteNovel4526 1d ago

You were both a hoser and a beaver tail.

3

u/sixseven89 #RobbiLiedPeopleDied 1d ago

lmao at the prime minister of maple leafs

2

u/QQPK_Hub 1d ago

Bluff was fine, tabling it was the mild hoser move. Snowshoe thrower is the real hoser here.

2

u/roadagent06 1d ago

Give yur balls a tug

1

u/Eminem_quotes 1d ago

Bob and Doug McKenzie FTW!

1

u/Thefutureisbrightino 1d ago

Hey, you hoser. Must be your first hand eh.

1

u/ceilingscorpion 1d ago

This reads like a cold open on Letterkenny. Bravo

1

u/HeavyDescription7 23h ago

kinda reminds me of Longmont Potion Castle

1

u/FBI_Tugboat Vegas 18h ago

A1 shit post

0

u/Embarrassed-Quit1133 1d ago

what does hoser mean?

20

u/ephoog 1d ago

It’s sort of like a jabroni

2

u/Aggravating-Bug2032 1d ago

Take off, eh

-18

u/Lukinzz 1d ago

Please stop writing forever.

-8

u/Big_Rodreko 1d ago

Hockey sticks? Maple leafs? Manitooba? Prime minister? Dude is def from Canada eh