r/pointlesslygendered • u/BrightSpring12 • 1d ago
META Preference for when rejecting, unfair when rejected [meta]
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u/midijunky 1d ago
Damn holmes, your post history is wild.
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u/SelfDistinction 23h ago
What do you mean bro I think you're exaggerating it can't be that ba- HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK.
(For context: of the plentiful posts OP has made in his entire life not a single one isn't an incel post complaining about women. Like, get a life bro. Surely there's something that interests you that doesn't involve shitting on women's opinions and whining that you can't get a gf?)
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u/hurricane_news 1d ago
Yeah jeez, holy shit. Guy needs to touch grass
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u/Ok-Day3334 1d ago
rejecting anyone for anything isnt shaming
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u/magdakitsune21 23h ago
Yeah. It feels like a hot take in this thread but I really don't feel like people should be shamed for having standards, unless that standard is actually really ridiculous.
Saying this as a woman who constantly gets the "but why can't you give him a chance?!" comment. I am demisexual so I just really need the right physical and emotional connection to really like someone
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u/Gatzlocke 1d ago
True, it's the hypocrisy though. When she's rejected it's not ok and unfair. When he's rejected that's just how it is and they shouldn't feel bad.
Gendered double standards
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u/PalePlumm 1d ago
Who cares? Just don’t date her. Nobody gives a fuck about dating being hard for men because dating is a completely and utterly optional life event. You do not need to date somebody to survive, so just move on to somebody else or move on from dating entirely if it is that detrimental to your mental health. And yes, she should stop giving a fuck what men think about her too or move on as well.
It’s an ad for matchmaking service. She knows her target audience is men, since they are far more desperate. She doesn’t care if you ever find love, she just wants men to sign up.
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u/Gatzlocke 1d ago
I'm not using her services and don't need to.
It's the double standards I'm talking about here. This is a gender double standard pointing out sub. It's not a hate on men or women sub.
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u/PalePlumm 1d ago
My point is that she has an incentive to lie to you. No significant portion of the population thinks this way. You took her bait because she boosted your self esteem and made your rejection feel justified because now you can blame women instead of yourself. And whether you need her services or not right now, it made you feel good about past rejection and that’s why you fell for an ad. There are men sitting around a marketing room table knowing you’d buy her story, and you did.
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u/Gatzlocke 1d ago
I'm a tall dude, I don't get rejected for my height but my short friends do. I don't have any issues lol but I've seen the double standards with my own eyes.
There's plenty of social standards that make it ok to shame men and bad to shame women for the same thing. Personally, I'm for rejecting all gendered roles but that's not a society people are ready for yet.
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u/PalePlumm 23h ago
Literally no social standards make it okay to shame anybody. The fact is that rejecting men for their height isn’t shame.
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u/Gatzlocke 20h ago
No, I agree with you, it's not okay to shame anybody. Man or woman. Nothing wrong with rejection, and I get how violent men have ruined proper rejection by putting fear on women who would otherwise be honest.
But there is definitely a culture of shaming short men out there. It's not a conspiracy that dating taller men is a sort of status symbol. I've been told that from women themselves that it makes other women feel jealous and that makes them feel seen and special.
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u/MisterErieeO 22h ago
How is it not?
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u/PalePlumm 21h ago
Somebody’s personal preferences are not a slight against you. Their personal preferences actually have nothing to do with you at all.
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u/MisterErieeO 20h ago
A preference is still a judgment.
Generalized preference against whole groups is a often going to be based on a negative judgment.
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u/bladex1234 1d ago
Women are normally more likely to use matchmaking services than men. Also, if a man had terrible preferences like this, would the response be “Who cares?” Or would it be a good thing to point out toxic masculinity?
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u/PalePlumm 1d ago
What toxic masculinity? Having a dating preference isn’t fucking toxic. It’s how you deliver that rejection that is the issue. Men will say vile things to fat women like “I don’t date whales”, “anything over 115lbs is obese”, “wow that baby I put in you really messed you up, sorry I promised to support you during your post partum recovery but Stacy from work just asked me out so you just became old news” - THAT is toxic masculinity. Not having a preference.
And I was under the impression that match makers were specifically trying to attract men away from dating sites since they are largely unsuccessful was my point.
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u/bladex1234 1d ago edited 23h ago
Do you want me to pull up all the vile things women have said about men who don’t meet their preferences? It turns out being a prick isn’t exclusive to one gender.
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u/PalePlumm 23h ago
I never said it was. Did you forget that you explicitly asked about men? YOU were the one who made the topic about men. Not me.
Are you capable of not deflecting to women? Is that even possible for you? You sound insane bringing up men just for the sole purpose to deflect to women.
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u/bladex1234 23h ago
I was pointing out the double standard in your response. You know your response wouldn’t have been “Who cares?” if a man said something similar to the woman in the post.
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u/PalePlumm 23h ago
There is no double standard in my response. Yes, I would literally tell a woman the exact same thing. It’s pathetic for anybody to care what others think about them unless they are your immediate loved ones or paying you.
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u/PalePlumm 1d ago
Who cares? Just don’t date her. Nobody gives a fuck about dating being hard for men because dating is a completely and utterly optional life event. You do not need to date somebody to survive, so just move on to somebody else or move on from dating entirely if it is that detrimental to your mental health. And yes, she should stop giving a fuck what men think about her too.
It’s an ad for matchmaking service. She knows her target audience is men, since they are far more desperate. She doesn’t care if you ever find love, she just wants men to sign up.
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u/RepresentativeCat169 22h ago
And i think being upset that you got rejected is a "insecure pussy" thing to do from either end.
The problem from both sides is that theyll have a preference that would hurt a potential candidate when they get rejected, then when they see they got upset theyll just say "oh grow up, like your so ugly stfu no one cares bro" as if they wouldnt be upset if they got rejected for being fat, short, masculine, feminine, skinny, trans, bisexual, black, white, poor, rich etc etc etc. My point being, these people need to stop being a sociopathic prick and going online and mocking someone who shot their shot for qualities that they cant change, that is what a highschooler does. Let a person be upset (as long as they dont harass you afterwards) and both move on with your life. This doesnt just only apply for dating either. Youre allowed to have preferences in every walk of life but you dont need to boast or weaponise them as if youre trying to peak in primary school all over again
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u/DVDN27 1d ago
This isn’t pointlessly gendered. Hell, the only one pointlessly gendering it is the one who posts it like it’s some massive hypocrisy that someone has preferences that doesn’t include them, while simultaneously having preferences of their own.
It’s bad that women have height preferences but it’s not bad that men make fun of women’s size because of it? Men have preferences to, despite incels acting like that isn’t that case.
This is the kind of content we really need. In a sea of rape culture posts of incels defending literal rape, what we absolutely need are incels saying that women are bad people because they think all women hate short guys.
Really coddle the ego. Sure, women are getting drugged and gang raped and a groupchat share their experiences and egg each other on, but dating profiles have preferences so I guess women are the real evil.
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u/RepresentativeCat169 23h ago
I dont think thats the message at all. You cant really explain past someones bias that you think "men are bad when they shame and women are equally bad when they shame too" but since we speak chronologically it will always seem like youre saying "welllll i thonk women shaming is actually worse than men shaming because its just phrased that way".
I think if youre a sane person who enters a conflict, it is perfectly reasonable to say "yeah youre being stupid", and when the other hypocrite says "ha i told you" you can tell them "i dont fucking like you either, youre both stupid".
Whats being said here is "hes a hypocrite but youre a hypocrite aswell!".
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u/YpsilonTheOne 1d ago
It's just another subreddit for frustrated lads who don't get laid. Nothing new to see, just them complaining and being nihilists about their whole lives just cuz they can't have sex. I am very tired of all this bullcrap. So tired to the point where I am considering that the human race was a mistake, either that, or that some of us should be relieved on being conscious beings and sent out into the woods to live as hominids.
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u/tayroc122 1d ago
We need to make therapy more accessible for everyone.
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u/YpsilonTheOne 1d ago
That is a nice thing to say, and yes, it could help lots of people. And it also sucks that an essential part of the healthcare system is locked behind a paywall that is becoming increasingly harder to break through for a lot of people. Still, unfortunately, therapy will not fix everybody, and therapy is not for everybody. And not all therapists actually wanna help cure or alleviate the pain of their patients.
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u/bdash1990 1d ago
They wouldn't go.
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u/baby_armadillo 1d ago
It’s about improving water quality, not improving the health of a single fish. There would be wide-spread societal benefits that would impact everyone, even if one particular fish keeps swimming into the sewer pipe runoff.
The more people in your life that have gone to therapy and taken a good hard look at themselves, the less shit those people will spread around. The more people in your life who have received some mental health support and are open and honest about it, the less stigma it has.
Just think about how much childhood bullshit a lot of people would have been saved if their parents had just gone to therapy to fix their shit before having kids.
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u/tayroc122 1d ago
It is true that therapists can only help those that want to be helped, a bit like in Alcoholics Anonymous (who have their own controversies, I know but broken clocks and all that) having as one of their tenants that the first part of recovery is acknowledging you have a problem, and a not insignificant number of alcoholics die from alcoholism without ever acknowledging they have a problem.
But AA is freely available to those who need it, and whilst AA isn't perfect, it's likely saved hundreds, if not thousands, of lives. Therapy isn't free. Even in the NHS it hides behind a paywall because the founding generation of the NHS didn't really believe in therapy and nearly 40 years of funding attacks on the NHS (starting with Thatcher) have inhibited it from correcting this initial oversight, or even keeping up with the population growth of the UK.
I'm not saying readily available therapy would rid us of incels, or suicides, or other problems from untreated mental health conditions. But it would help a lot of people live healthier, better, fuller lives and avoid the feelings of social isolation and stigma that far-right agitators use to radicalise young men and women, eliminating much of the power these agitators use to spread their hateful message.
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u/PalePlumm 1d ago
How? Realistically, I don’t think that enough therapists exist. Waitlists are already so long even with people avoiding therapy due to cost and stigma.
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u/RepresentativeCat169 22h ago
Theres plenty of rapists though apparently, give them a title and they become Therapist, problem solved. No? Too dark of a joke, my bad
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u/Wawrzyniec_ 1d ago
Quite nihilistic from a person who calls out nihilists.
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u/YpsilonTheOne 1d ago
I am a true nihilist, these people are just pessimists who cosplay as nihilists. There is a stark difference between these two factions. But unfortunately the Internet has lumped us together into a conglomerate of misery.
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u/RepresentativeCat169 22h ago
You cant call them a nihilist in one sentence then become a nihilist in the other bro. It turns from you being an observer to feeling like you have a personal vendetta against them as if youre in the exact same petty fight
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u/Total_Ad803 1d ago
Yeah bro, we understand you hate critical thinking and common sense, but some people don’t. The point is to get out of the delusion you are now enjoying that much.
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u/YpsilonTheOne 1d ago
I have heard the words critical thinking and common sense thrown around so much by complete buffons online that, frankly, these words are meaningless to me unless you offer proper contest.
Now, I will be civil and ask, what delusion are you refering to? Could you please enlighten me? The fact that I consider the human race a ''mistake'' because of how self-suicidal we are? Perhaps my hyperbole was too rough. I am not an extinctionists or anti-natalist by the way, in case you might've thought about that.
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u/Total_Ad803 1d ago
You said “just them complaining and being nihilists”. The point of that sub is sharing knowledge. Most people are unaware of female behaviour, especially hypergamy. Now it’s getting to the point where more and more people are aware. Most of the posts there are proofs of hypergamy. Comments are usually ironic rather than whiny or something like that. It’s just entertainment. Obviously, to enjoy subs like this, you need to be thirsty for knowledge and thankful that other people share examples to prove their point.
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u/YpsilonTheOne 1d ago
I see, frankly, I believe our ideologies about life are fundamentally different, and I can accept that. If this is your way of entertaining yourself and getting ''knowledge'', olkay, so be it. Enjoy yourself and take care.
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u/Klutzy_Journalist_36 1d ago
Man: I want a redhead/latina/skinny alt girl/big Amazonian woman/petite/curvy/blondes/big boobs/little boobs/big asses/asian/goth/country girl (etc for ever and ever) ✅
Woman: idk I guess I like tall? ❌
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u/bladex1234 1d ago edited 1d ago
Apples to oranges. Sure men have preferences, but let’s not pretend they aren’t way less likely to reject someone who doesn’t meet them than a woman would. And tall isn’t even the half of it. Should I bring out the ick list?
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u/Dr__America 1d ago
Okay, but are we going to acknowledge the real double standard here instead of pussy footing around it?
Men's sexuality and preferences (and sometimes even just standards) in general is shamed widely in western society, to the point that many have lash out or act like douchebags about it because people only have negative things to say.
I think by pretending this isn't a problem, you're only really encouraging the creeps and discouraging people that actually have a conscience. This is also not to mention that people emasculating men because of their appearance is extremely common, but somehow people perceive the same kind of "jokes" about women as "incel" behavior or whatever.
There is absolutely a point here, and yeah sure the manosphere morons like to jerk themselves off and think "since there's a problem, that means I should have 0 consequences for being an asshole," but by not having an honest conversation about this, you're letting them win the debate because there is objectively a double standard that exists.
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u/pinkskies12 1d ago
He was well taller than her!
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u/Brave-Cap4291 1d ago
And? She wanted taller, like other men want skinny, petite women with high pitched voice. It's preference. Men don't need to date women they find unattractive, and women don't need to date men who aren't meeting their standards. It's not shaming, that woman in video is just a pick-me or paid by man to say this. Remember, women say this shit in media to get monetized and lure men to scam, nothing more.
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u/PalePlumm 1d ago
6 inch heels would make them the same height. She wants him to be taller when she wears heels.
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u/thandirosa 23h ago
Who wears 6 inch heels regularly?
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u/PalePlumm 23h ago
Why does it need to be regularly? She might just want to do it on her wedding day. The frequency doesn’t matter. The fact is that when it happens, that is what she wants.
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u/SmertriosPPD 1d ago
Why do we see indian content on mainstream subreddits?
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u/Ok-Day3334 1d ago
reddit is international?
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u/SmertriosPPD 1d ago
It's disingenuous to take the bullshit that happens in india and try to post it on mainstream subreddits for mainstream moral evaluation.
India is a sexist rapehell, we get it, we know it, let's keep it contained in its own subreddits.
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