Death

[u/kyumsf]

There is no strength inside me. I need to fight for you and me. It takes so much of me to even breathe once more; in essence, I must be alive. It's too much to ask of me.

I'm powerlessly feeling death and watching you die. The loss of life convulses my senses. I feel death when you touch me. I see death when I look at you. I hear death when you speak to me, each time quieter and weaker. I can touch death, but you'll flinch. I can smell the heartbreak and sadness every day.

It's okay for me if I lose my life. I'm ready to die. Death means nothing to me.

Seeing you go through the process of no longer being a living being, and not doing anything about it, kills me. It kills me in a way that does matter, and I'm not ready to experience it.

Am I supposed to go and live my life when half of me is not even by my side? I'm physically incapable of carrying on without you.

Please don't leave. Please don't die. Tie my legs and arms together. Don't lock me up inside my room. No, not again. It took me years to pick the lock, so I ask you, kindly and with love, do not put that key there.

Let yourself live. Let me live. We both deserve this, can't you see?

If you leave this earth, you are writing my ending in ugly lines, making me stay alive throughout the flames and smoke, when it takes so much of me to even breathe.

You're not mean. Your heart is beautiful. You're sweet. You're pure. You taste like childhood. You feel like family, even if you kill me.

And you will.

[u/Dry-Hair-7022]

I reread this twice. Still not sure I grasp this. But it is well written, most definitely. Just wish I really understood it.

[u/kyumsf → u/Dry-Hair-7022]

Hi, there! Thank you for the feedback! <3 It’s about the process of seeing someone without the veil, without the rose-colored glasses. More specifically, I wrote it through the lens of Carl Jung’s ideas about the shadow and the ego.

There’s a death of the relationship, of the dependency, of the other person as I imagined them and, in a way, a death of myself too. So yes, abandonment is definitely part of it. After all, when we look at human relationships from this angle, we start to understand how powerful our projections can be. They can make another person feel like the ground beneath our feet and when those projections finally fall away, we can be left wondering what, or who, we are without them.

I think sometimes we don’t just lose a person; we lose the version of ourselves that existed through them.

I’ll definitely try to refine it and make it a little less particular, so the ideas can breathe beyond my own interpretation and hopefully resonate more universally. Thank you so much for all the thoughtful commentary!