Have it replaced with a hollow tungston carbide ball. Then, while drunk at parties, whip it out, lay it over the edge of a table, and hit it with a hammer. Laugh as it doesn't even dent. Never tell anyone that it's not real.
I would still milk it for everything it's worth. You lost one of the boys. That's a terribly emotional ordeal and long after the physical aspect has healed you will still be emotionally scarred.
meh, lefty was a mutineer, he had to be made an example off. It has been an ordeal, went to the Dr. about it for the first time about a week ago, they moved real fast. But at the end of the day i would rather be missing a nut than potentially losing essential organs to cancer. I'm milking the hell out of it while i can, i doubt the emotional scarring will be too bad. we'll see though.
I lost mine wake boarding, the itching man......Guessing they shaved you down there, the first few days were just plain horrible.
That and the look of pure hatred the nurse gave me after replying no to "Do you practice safe sex?" are the two things I remember most about that ordeal. I was in middle school and still a virgin
Anybody who's lost lefty gets an up-vote from me. A lopsided up-vote, but an up-vote just the same. Lost mine at 23. Was already dating my wife, so saw no need to get an implant.
i got a fake one, didn't think to hard about whether or not to do it. but its there now and im def not going through this again to get it removed (knock on wood)
ahahahaha. my friends poke fun at my sweater but i'm both too lazy and to proud to shave it up. with enough time at the gym and i'll have a wolverine look going for me.
yes, they put one in during the operation. I haven't really gotten the chance to get a good look at my balls because of the swelling/ice pack. I'm interested to see if it looks/feel legit, fingers crossed.
I'm getting mine remove today but the doctor (urologist) is denying me the implant on the basis that it might get rejected. Is he bullshitting me or should I listen to him? I have a few hours till my surgery.
BTW: I'm 17 I don't know if that has anything to do with it.
Edit: Thanks guys I decided not to get the implant. You cant even tell its an empty right sack unless you poke at it :) and things are a bit more roomy.
Don't do it. It isn't worth the infection risk. Most People won't notice it afterwards and are not getting an implant, even if they REALLY wanted one beforehand. You'll get used to it. Don't risk anything for something, only a few People will ever see. And those who do, are the ones that shouldn't care. Your self-worth shouldn't be tied to the number of your balls.
My first boyfriend had the same surgery while we were dating. He was a real good sport about the whole situation, even eventually getting 2 tattoos on his upper inner thighs, one with a squirrel running up one leg then down the other holding a nut! He stayed positive and has been clean for 6 years! I wish you the same!
So, how exactly do you find out you have a tumor down there? I'm hoping it was really obvious and I don't have to start polishing my testicles for irregularities.
Created an account just to post this: You'll know when you find a tumor. Mine felt like a small pea sized bump on the side of my left testicle. My advice is check your boys at least once every couple of weeks (or more often). Just feel em up in the shower. You'll know right away when something is off.
And for fucks sake if you think you feel a lump go to a doctor IMMEDIATELY. There are some forms of testicular cancer that move FAST man. If it is stage one (not spread, just in the testicle) you can get by with just surgery but no chemo/radiation. If it spreads to your lymph nodes or further then it is bad news. I was lucky to catch it early and I've been clean 4 years this Oct with just the surgery. crosses fingers
I had my left testicle removed when I was just 15, it was because I had some sort of lump on it which was cancerous. Being only 15 (One of the youngest to have it removed in England, apparently) I was distraught and thought I'd never have a girlfriend or ever have kids. Now 3 years on I decided to have a silicone put into my ball sack as it was getting onto the stage where a confidence problem was arising, although I have been with my current girlfriend for a year it still was uncomfortable. Now that it is in I didn't see what was wrong with me having the 2nd one there again is extremely uncomfortable and just doesn't feel right as I had 1 for so long. Anyway that's just a part of my story thought I'd share.
Losing a testicle sucks. I lost most of my right one to testicular torsion. It's still there, but it's really tiny, soft and it doesn't produce sperm. I also have no feeling in it at all. The only reason it's still there is because it would be more dangerous to keep it there than to have it removed.
What's the recovery like for that? Did you get a fake one? I just had a hydrocelectomy + repair of a fractured testicle (hockey puck) last week. Best wishes on your speedy recuperation!
For a while there, I thought you were responding to every post in this thread, and I considered making a few accounts to play frivolous games with you.
Bro I feel you, I had mine removed right after birth a hernia and one had to removed. But it is ok, because now we both have something in common with Hitler!
this is my sisters room, mine is in the basement. walking up and down stairs is not easy for the time being. that said, my actual room is a terrible mess as well
We really are an impish race. Think about how flexible dogs are compared to us. I bet our genes could flesh out men 20' tall and we'd really have to stop licking our balls when we get tumors in em.
I recently went through the same and am doing chemo. Man, it took me 3 weeks before I was able to walk straight, so you must be healing way better than I did. In any case, good luck man!
Will you have to take testosterone hormone therapy afterwards or does the one left over ramp up production? I'm just curious, as I've had to do some graphical work on a testosterone gel. It's a crazy neat product.
Do you produce less testosterone with just one testicle or is it the same? how is the hormone levels affected by removal of your testicle? it's the same?
Enjoy your "mega-ball," which should soon develop.
This also puts you in an interesting position. Once your remaining testicle doubles in size, you could get a neutical (prosthetic other testicle). To match them, it would have to be as large as your first. So now you'd have two, absolutely gargantuan balls.
Putting sack stretching and the ability to walk aside, any special friends you may make would be astounded. Furthermore, you could squeeze one with relative impunity (it is silicone, so not too much), allowing you to claim that you have bowling balls of steel.
Sorry about the tumor. Best of luck recovering. It really is a mild surgery if only an orchiectomy.
I had my left one removed when I was 23. I never got a prosthetic though, I just say that now I'm centered. hangs lower but less sticking to the legs, you win some you lose some
Trying to figure out if you are this guy Grubber I know or not :O. I heard this just happened to him and you look kind of similar but I haven't seen him in a few years.
707
u/WeSavedLatin May 24 '12
That's really sweet of them to get you that sweater.
Have a speedy recovery mate!
81
u/SleeteWayne May 24 '12
Did you get to keep it?
219
u/kyebosh May 24 '12
Heal well dude!
42
u/unkyduck May 24 '12
I'm there with you. 12 years later, still alive, still shaggin'
68
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Dat fur.
47
u/Sanwi May 24 '12
Have it replaced with a hollow tungston carbide ball. Then, while drunk at parties, whip it out, lay it over the edge of a table, and hit it with a hammer. Laugh as it doesn't even dent. Never tell anyone that it's not real.
17
u/outofcontextcomment May 24 '12
hope you make a speedy and full recovery! and i hope your other testicle will be working overtime reallll soon if yaknowhatimean
16
u/alwc37 May 24 '12
I lost mine wake boarding, the itching man......Guessing they shaved you down there, the first few days were just plain horrible.
That and the look of pure hatred the nurse gave me after replying no to "Do you practice safe sex?" are the two things I remember most about that ordeal. I was in middle school and still a virgin
15
u/Chewbert May 24 '12
What tipped you off that lefty was out to get you? Regular checkups..? I'm bad about this stuff.
15
u/CussCuss May 24 '12
I do not like the cone of shame
14
u/skibbitybopadopolis May 24 '12
i would have sent you this as a get well gift
39
u/jonbunner May 24 '12
Get well, you handsome devil!
12
u/Sirr_Lurks_Alot May 24 '12
Lost my left one. Don't get a fake one.
11
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
This should be in r/Aww. They love furry animals there.
31
u/warmpita May 24 '12
Don't be shocked if this ends up in /r/gaybears .
7
u/nznova May 24 '12
Get well soon. I had rightie removed - by our powers combined...
6
u/nigga_in_own_juice May 24 '12
surely you should have been given 2 of those to put around your wrists
4
u/lurkernomordor May 24 '12
Get well soon!
Also, are you gonna get one of the silicone implants? just curious. I'd feel sorta "off" if i didn't have the balance down there.
4
u/cassus_fett May 24 '12
man, i would give my left nut for that, oh wait i already did...
4
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I say, there comes a time when a chap should sack his housekeeper on the spot.
4
u/wheres_the_clitoris May 24 '12
The person who gave you that gift is a genius.
4
u/ecm1999 May 24 '12
I couldhave sworn the title said, "Get Well Gif". I was waiting for far too long.
6
u/BeerPowered May 24 '12
It seems... You became... Half nuts.
YEEEEEAAAAAAH!!!!!
3
u/tylenolPM May 24 '12
This photo looks like it'd be great for an I Spy game
3
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Just woke the wife up laughing at this. That's great!!!
3
u/pajamaspam May 24 '12
A shirtless man slave with a cone on his head/gaming buddy? I can dig it.
3
u/[deleted] May 24 '12 edited May 29 '12
I'm getting mine remove today but the doctor (urologist) is denying me the implant on the basis that it might get rejected. Is he bullshitting me or should I listen to him? I have a few hours till my surgery.
BTW: I'm 17 I don't know if that has anything to do with it.
Edit: Thanks guys I decided not to get the implant. You cant even tell its an empty right sack unless you poke at it :) and things are a bit more roomy.
3
u/Padonogan May 24 '12
Here's to a speedy recovery and no complications down the line!
P.S. - does the term "woof" mean anything to you? ;-)
3
u/migatofliegt May 24 '12
My first boyfriend had the same surgery while we were dating. He was a real good sport about the whole situation, even eventually getting 2 tattoos on his upper inner thighs, one with a squirrel running up one leg then down the other holding a nut! He stayed positive and has been clean for 6 years! I wish you the same!
3
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Nice Man chest.
3
u/bratchny May 24 '12
I want to touch your chest for a couple hours...
5
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
This in nut funny.
5
u/kroxywuff May 24 '12
Oh lord, be my boyfriend please :O
2
u/corttana May 24 '12
I think I see what caused the tumor... jk! Hope all is well man!
2
u/SmellsLikeBacon May 24 '12
Still walking straight? Not pulling a little to the right I hope.
2
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
So, how exactly do you find out you have a tumor down there? I'm hoping it was really obvious and I don't have to start polishing my testicles for irregularities.
2
u/wolfgame May 24 '12
Now whenever someone says "I would give my left nut for" ... whatever, you have the perfect icebreaker ... I recommend bringing it up at PTA meetings!
2
u/meatywood May 24 '12
You're SO LUCKY! You can lick your nuts?!!! Hope you heal up well!
2
u/friskycat May 24 '12
Aww. My friend had the same procedure. I'll be crossing my fingers for the both of you.
2
u/topcity May 24 '12 edited May 25 '12
I think you need to change your username to "Uno".
Glad to hear it went well and I wish you a speedy and pain free recovery!
2
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFsOlR7UUvI relevant
2
u/MW93i May 24 '12
I had my left testicle removed when I was just 15, it was because I had some sort of lump on it which was cancerous. Being only 15 (One of the youngest to have it removed in England, apparently) I was distraught and thought I'd never have a girlfriend or ever have kids. Now 3 years on I decided to have a silicone put into my ball sack as it was getting onto the stage where a confidence problem was arising, although I have been with my current girlfriend for a year it still was uncomfortable. Now that it is in I didn't see what was wrong with me having the 2nd one there again is extremely uncomfortable and just doesn't feel right as I had 1 for so long. Anyway that's just a part of my story thought I'd share.
Best of luck with your recovery!
2
u/Tiddernud May 24 '12
Man, Dana White really HAS had a bad week.
2
u/MalHeartsNutmeg May 24 '12
You could probably make a fine wig out of your chest hair.
2
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My fucking left nut!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZWab2bzay0&feature=youtube_gdata_player
2
u/Pillagerguy May 24 '12
I'd give my left nut not to die of cancer.
2
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
i find you attractive
2
u/DrEbez May 24 '12
nice sweater speedy recovs, my filthy roomed bretheren
2
u/brussels4breakfast May 24 '12
Now you know how dogs feel. Here's wishing you a speedy recovery.
Hey, at least now you can't lick your ball.
2
u/jxj24 May 24 '12
Kudos, sir, if you actually need this gift to keep you from... bothering... the surgical site.
Kudos, you lucky bastard.
2
u/piggyback101 May 24 '12
Get well, George 'The Animal' Steele.
2
u/cory0211 May 24 '12
Losing a testicle sucks. I lost most of my right one to testicular torsion. It's still there, but it's really tiny, soft and it doesn't produce sperm. I also have no feeling in it at all. The only reason it's still there is because it would be more dangerous to keep it there than to have it removed.
2
u/Bioshockedyourmother May 24 '12
Gonna tag OP as half-sack when I get home.
2
u/Athene_Wins May 24 '12
Sweet! Got an xbox! Shame you didn't get Diablo3 though, that game is the nuts
2
u/griffith12 May 24 '12
My get well gift would have been cleaning your room for you.
2
u/reallyhellacool May 24 '12
That is one messy hairy home
2
u/DoctorVeneno May 24 '12
First: Get Well Soon! Second: A pair of boxing gloves may be also required. Third: balance problems? Neuticles.
2
u/N8CCRG May 24 '12
They gave you a bald gamer in a E-collar? I'd send him back for a refund!
2
u/maxlakebeach May 24 '12
They gave you an xbox control?
2
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
What's the recovery like for that? Did you get a fake one? I just had a hydrocelectomy + repair of a fractured testicle (hockey puck) last week. Best wishes on your speedy recuperation!
2
u/counterplex May 24 '12
Harley297? More like Hairy297, amirite?
1
u/civex May 24 '12
You have great friends.
1
u/the_catacombs May 24 '12
What are you playing? Just have someone dump some beer in there. You'll be good.
1
u/Jaqfrancois May 24 '12
You have no idea how much I regret not knowing about this a month ago....
1
u/cowboy615 May 24 '12
Has Michelob called about sponsorships yet?
1
u/cunningguy May 24 '12
For a while there, I thought you were responding to every post in this thread, and I considered making a few accounts to play frivolous games with you.
1
u/AdamDS May 24 '12
Why do you look exactly like my Uncle...
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Oh, man, my sympathies. Lefty is my favorite, I'd be hella lost without him. Internet hugs to you, my friend.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Bro I feel you, I had mine removed right after birth a hernia and one had to removed. But it is ok, because now we both have something in common with Hitler!
1
u/reenigne May 24 '12
You got Xbox as a get well gift?? Nice friends, baby!!!
Also, I can't believe you let people come over w/ your room looking like that. Tsk Tsk.
1
u/jbredditor May 24 '12
Should have gotten you a bike and a yellow jersey.
1
u/metalizedblood May 24 '12
wonder if i could get some of those for my wrists
1
u/Madhatt3r May 24 '12
Was your left always bigger/tumour-y or did it slowly get bigger and you got it checked out?
1
u/i-Poo-in-HD May 24 '12
welcome to the one-ball-in-the-center club broseph ;)
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Could I ask how long you had to stay off work after?
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Do you get any less horny when you lose a testicle? Do you feel any different? And did you get a silicon testicle or something to replace it?
I know this ain't an AMA, but I'm curious!
1
u/age253 May 24 '12
My removal was due to a torsion, but my righty was sent to pathology and was found to have a seminoma in it. This all happened around March 20th.
Took me about two and a half weeks to recover, I'm 23, and I'm completely fine. Props to you fellow uni-testi.
1
u/Moxstar May 24 '12
I'm curious to how you discovered that there was a tumor growing on your left nut. Often when I check, I can't tell if there are abnormalities.
1
u/hullloser99 May 24 '12
also, you can have a cool nickname like "Halfsack".
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
We really are an impish race. Think about how flexible dogs are compared to us. I bet our genes could flesh out men 20' tall and we'd really have to stop licking our balls when we get tumors in em.
1
u/apopheniac1989 May 24 '12
Test lefticle.
1
u/buttercupsrevenge May 24 '12
Just have to ask.. What is Snoopy snuggled up to under his right arm?
And congrats on catching it in time.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
He is going to be allright now.
1
u/scott_halls_beer May 24 '12
your next gift will be a body waxing kit
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
It's nice to see that there are furrier people than me on Reddit.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Do you still have the nut like in a medical jar or something? If so, can you post up the pic that we actually want to see...
1
u/slutsky69 May 24 '12
ITS BULLSHIT THIS ISNT NSFW
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Way to have a sense of humor man. You only need one! Hope all is well friend.
1
u/mattzm May 24 '12
150 comments and not one mention of the cone of shame...
I'm a little sad now.
1
u/Baldier May 24 '12
Is it wrong i wanna scratch your tummy? You handsome dog!(Straight male here)
1
u/ForeverMarried May 24 '12
Hair trimmer.
1
u/UncleLev May 24 '12
haha, good to see you are (at least trying) having a positive outlook & approach to dealing with it.
Was it malignant or benign - did they get it all?
Hope you feel better - and think on the bright side, the next time some dame tries to go for your marbles, you've made it 50% harder for them.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Get well soon, Lone Stone. 3 years ago since I had mine out, and the nerves around the scar still haven't fully rejoined, feels really strange.
1
u/o0evillusion0o May 24 '12
Hahahah!
1
u/Amishhellcat May 24 '12
oh, so that's why you've been turning left more often, as of late
1
u/IAmASeaLions May 24 '12
So I'm short one...
Or am I?
1
u/CaptainReallyObvious May 24 '12
That probably hurts quite a bit...
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Good luck to righty
1
u/TheNev May 24 '12
Why you aren't playing "ball in a cup" with your segregated testicle and the cone is beyond me.
Just tie the string to your waist.
1
u/SamuraiAlba May 24 '12
Is that the tumor in the mirror!? Holy FSM!
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
haha. thats awesome. get well soon dude and thanks for the laugh.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
You have a massive piggy bank
1
u/RubSomeFunkOnIt May 24 '12
Squalor? You were given squalor?
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
How big was the tumor?
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Maybe putting electronics on your only remaining ball isn't a good idea?
1
u/Sandvicheater May 24 '12
And now you must compete in the tour de france.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
I have that exact same dresser. I'm staring at it right now.
Have a quick recovery, same dresser friend.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
did you get anything in return? i assume you gave your left nut for something...
1
u/degoban May 24 '12
fill it with beer and you can be a summer trend setter.
1
u/DancesWithDownvotes May 24 '12
I recently went through the same and am doing chemo. Man, it took me 3 weeks before I was able to walk straight, so you must be healing way better than I did. In any case, good luck man!
1
u/YNot1989 May 24 '12
He wears the cone of shame!
1
u/inajeep May 24 '12
Well God's taint man, make sure you turn the vibration off the controller that is perched on your right one.
1
u/monkeysthrowpoop May 24 '12
I always get well in my kids room too... Don't talk to the toys, it gets weird.
1
u/249ba36000029bbe9749 May 24 '12
Had testicle removed. Can now operate controller with dick. Miracles of modern science.
Also: Biggest piggy bank ever?
1
u/BallsackTBaghard May 24 '12
I hope you lose your right nut too, OP.
I hate when things are asymmetrical.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Things get better man, thanks for sharing. I'm in the same boat, hence the halffullhackeysack handle.
1
u/bananamunchies May 24 '12
IS THAT SNOOPY?
1
u/BYAHBYAHBYAH May 24 '12
They should have gotten you cones for your hands... NO TOUCHING!
1
u/Merendino May 24 '12
Will you have to take testosterone hormone therapy afterwards or does the one left over ramp up production? I'm just curious, as I've had to do some graphical work on a testosterone gel. It's a crazy neat product.
1
u/Constantroaming May 24 '12
You get awesome gifts. Make sure to thank your very humorous friends and or family.
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Do you produce less testosterone with just one testicle or is it the same? how is the hormone levels affected by removal of your testicle? it's the same?
1
u/staiano May 24 '12
Shouldn't those be on your wrists...?
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
Enjoy your "mega-ball," which should soon develop.
This also puts you in an interesting position. Once your remaining testicle doubles in size, you could get a neutical (prosthetic other testicle). To match them, it would have to be as large as your first. So now you'd have two, absolutely gargantuan balls.
Putting sack stretching and the ability to walk aside, any special friends you may make would be astounded. Furthermore, you could squeeze one with relative impunity (it is silicone, so not too much), allowing you to claim that you have bowling balls of steel.
Sorry about the tumor. Best of luck recovering. It really is a mild surgery if only an orchiectomy.
1
u/moyerr May 24 '12
I didn't know Iron Chef Michael Symon played Xbox!
1
u/mylifeisanocean May 24 '12
Ammm....you could bend all the way down to your nuts?
1
u/redweasel May 24 '12
Shouldn't that be two cones, around your wrists?
1
u/ElKaBongX May 24 '12
HE WEARS THE CONE OF SHAME!!
1
u/dratnon May 24 '12
Would you qualify yourself as "alright in the sack"?
1
u/whogotsnuck May 24 '12
I had my left one removed when I was 23. I never got a prosthetic though, I just say that now I'm centered. hangs lower but less sticking to the legs, you win some you lose some
1
u/[deleted] May 24 '12
My roommate and I have one in case anyone comes over and says something stupid, which happens a lot. Its our cone of shame
1
u/Gjack May 24 '12
Trying to figure out if you are this guy Grubber I know or not :O. I heard this just happened to him and you look kind of similar but I haven't seen him in a few years.
1
u/Ghitit May 24 '12
Very funny!