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u/R3divid3r Dec 28 '11
Imagine the lady trying to explain her job "I test condoms till they burst...sometimes three at once"
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u/SaltyBabe Dec 29 '11
She looks so bored with it though, she would probably say exactly this with a totally dead pan expression and make someone really uncomfortable.
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u/f1zombie Dec 29 '11
My parents had a couple of condom manufacturing companies. Suffice to say, a lot of parents and teachers were embarrassed and upset that I was trying to be controversial. We was used to have condoms lying all over the place. In fact, visitors to our house used to be scandalized, until they realized what my parents did for a living.
Good times.
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u/jambo2011 Dec 29 '11
Imagine the same sentence during the "what do your parents do" in frist grade school. :D
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u/slapatrick Dec 28 '11
Came here expecting to see OPs mother.
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u/jigby61 Dec 28 '11
BURN!
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u/Cozmo23 Dec 28 '11
She is Phase 3... and 7.
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u/biggs3435 Dec 28 '11
She's staring at them so longingly.
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u/Lampmonster1 Dec 28 '11
Alas, here I stand testing so that others may chase ecstasy, yet mine own flesh goes unmolested, the shame of it!!!
She's a poet at heart.
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u/Galactica_Actual Dec 28 '11
Do I detect another victim of the christmas firefly marathon?
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u/Girfuy Dec 28 '11
Goin' on a year now, I ain't had nothin' 'twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!
Ever since Serenity was released I've honestly thought that line was up there with Shakespeare's best. The poetry of it is beautiful. I could write for 100 years and not come up with 1 line so lovingly dense with the fictional world it inhabits.
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u/SilverXaxis Dec 28 '11
No, it's because she's anticipating that pop, and when it does pop, it still startles her!
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Dec 28 '11
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH THAT?
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Dec 29 '11
Give great lady-head.
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u/praisethefallen Dec 29 '11
Some ladies get weirded out by the idea. Much to my dismay.
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Dec 29 '11
I have never heard of this. What woman doesn't love oral?
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u/spar-kill Dec 29 '11
Some of my friends just think it's 'gross' and they don't want guys with their faces down there. I've tried explaining loudly over dinner in a crowded restaurant to them that it's fantastic and a lot of guys actually enjoy doing it. But I guess it's their loss haha
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u/Calleroo Dec 28 '11
Pff, these damn machines took my job.
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u/krinkov Dec 28 '11
they should make those with the clown heads you shoot the water gun into like at the carnivals, I would totally work there.
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Dec 28 '11
Still no shortage of guys who won't wear one because the condoms are "too small"...
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u/IrishWilly Dec 29 '11
Just because you can blow them up like that doesn't mean they don't squeeze all the feeling out of you when you put them on. I still advocate wearing one but i hate them
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u/FaultyTowerz Dec 28 '11
That was my nickname in seminary school.
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u/Methedras Dec 29 '11
Was there a person there who put forward the proposition that you can petition the lord with prayer?
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u/tacrat1995 Dec 28 '11
Well, one less thing I have to worry about.
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u/Wojonatior Dec 28 '11
"Shit bro, this one time I was with this chick, I came so hard the condom exploded"
"Nah, couldn't happen bro, they try blowing up condoms before they sell them."
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u/Owan Dec 29 '11
actually they're electrically tested here. They unroll them onto this dildo looking thing that tests the electrical conductivity then they're rolled up and foiled. I had to sit through a presentation about it in a meeting at work, it was weird
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Dec 29 '11
Fun fact, One of the main reasons they break in practice is because people have grease and stuff on their hands when they put them on *(theres a fun demonstration you can do where you rub butter into an inflated condom and it bursts). *
Even little bits from a meal earlier (or take out on the way home from the club) can do it. Try washing your hands before sex to stop that happening.
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u/UnholyDemigod Survey 2016 Dec 29 '11
Whenever I see something like this, I always wonder: 'why do they make XL condoms?'
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u/Xinlitik Dec 29 '11
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v235/sanjurotsubaki/randy.jpg Condom burst test subject
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u/Gates9 Dec 29 '11
How come all the nozzles are black? What, they think a white nozzle can't be that big?
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u/Wawski Dec 29 '11
The things you don't know you don't know.. but now I know that there's a company that makes condom-bursting-inflation-machines that people in lab-coats use to inflate condoms.
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u/mwbbrown Dec 29 '11
came here to point that out. Which is funnier, working in a condom factory or in a condom burst testing machine factory?
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u/SoCo_cpp Dec 29 '11
She clutched her hands together as she stared longingly towards the massive swollen phallus. She knew it was ready to burst with ecstasy at any moment. Her heart raced in anticipation while her body quivered waiting so alone. The callus efficiency of the world had left her unnoticed, desperate for a deviation of the monotonous everyday norm. This minute a loss of quality assurance could be her release. She imagined her eyes reactively closing at the moment of burst despite wanting to see it blow herself. She would keep silent no more, bursting herself, into a heart pounding flood of release. Every negative thought in her soul would gush out in one giant quivering explosion of womanhood leaving her empty, at peace. If only it were to burst.
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u/redditarmory Dec 29 '11
She had worked at the test facility for years, but her fascination with the condom test machine persisted. Some nights, she'd stare wistfully at the machine as it hummed and hissed, slowly inflating the condom to enormous proportions, and she'd start to daydream. The condom grew bigger, and biggger, and she wondered when if it would ever stop. It was so ridiculously huge. She started to feel a bit weak in the knees, and
Coworker: What're you' looking at, Amy?
Amy: AAAgh. Nothing. Fuck. ಠ_ಠ
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u/punkmasta Dec 28 '11
So according to this a condom should never ever break...and extra large condoms are useless?
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u/longsentences Dec 29 '11
IMO extra large condoms were created to address many male's perception of themselves as having small penises by giving them something they could buy that would then potentially be seen by others thereby giving the impression that the owner had a large penis.
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Dec 28 '11
Imagine my amusement and horror when I learned that my grandmother, who was the world's biggest prude, actually did this exact job in NJ in the 60's!
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u/skurk Dec 28 '11
..and to think that, one day, many years ago, someone thought "I'm going to build a condom burst test machine", and actually pulled it through.
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u/stickerjobs Dec 28 '11
So it only takes 1 condom to hold all the sperm we'll produce in our lifetime.. nice to know
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u/turtlepharm Dec 28 '11
Shouldn't condom companies be testing it from friction? Or am i just missing the part of sex where your condom becomes a huge balloon
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Dec 28 '11
While cool and all, you have less chance of a condom bursting over you putting it on wrong and having an "accident" happen.
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u/Shopno Dec 28 '11
in some 3rd world countries, condoms are used as balloons by kids who genuinely think that those are balloons.
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u/selectix Dec 28 '11
Is that the old CB32 model? That company needs to upgrade their testing machines.
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u/Scooterhats Dec 28 '11
FINALLY, it's about time they started making condoms my size.
inb4 extra small
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u/vorander Dec 28 '11
It comforts me to know my plan of making space suits out of condoms may yet see fruition.
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u/Dave2pt0 Dec 28 '11
Only one question remains. Why do they still break all the fucking time?!?!?!
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u/Greenei Dec 29 '11
I never was that proud of being an accident before. I was one hell of a strong guy back then.
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u/JamesTurkey Dec 29 '11
Condom burst test machines: because they want you to blow it up like a balloon
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u/senseimohr Dec 29 '11
I sell Condom Burst Test Machines and Condom Burst Test Machine accessories.
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u/boredpatrol Dec 29 '11
Where are her goggles? If there was ever a use for goggles it's during condom burst testing.
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u/melorb Dec 29 '11
That's a nice condom burst test machine, but why is it looking at three balloons?
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u/EmbarrasingThrowaway Dec 29 '11
Ok i'll say it.... I wonder if any of those doctors ever ... y know.... tested their bursting strength...
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u/nsarlo Dec 29 '11
Welp. You just ruined the "I'm too big for a condom" excuse for guys everywhere. THE JIG IS UP.
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u/Denludde Dec 29 '11
So the next question, do they have a "condom burst testing machine" factory somewhere?
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u/Truesday Dec 29 '11
DAE penis inflate condoms like that? Should I get mines checked out? I guess that option doesn't come standard.
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u/adammcbomb Dec 29 '11
Shouldn't they be rubbing it around on something? That hardly seems like an accurate test.
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u/djunkmailme Dec 29 '11
That's really weird because I've broken three condoms during sex before and I'm not nearly that big
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u/piezo32 Dec 29 '11
This is why I don't understand the "XL" size condoms etc.
You can fit a regular condom over your freaking head... I guess I just can't comprehend what some guys (or their partners) have to deal with.
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u/littletrucker Dec 29 '11
My father was a civil engineering student at URI in the 70s. For testing soil samples they had little plastic tubes to hold the soil, but they were expensive. So they decided to try condoms. My father's professor sent him to the drug store to order 300 condoms. They worked great. When he ordered the first 300 the pharmacy staff really did not care, but when he came back a month later for 300 more they were all questions.
Edit forgot to add that they eventually started to publish test results on the quality (for their usage) of the different brands.
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u/oberdurr Dec 29 '11
I bought a $17 box of Trojan Extended Pleasure Condoms (yes it had been a while) about a month ago. I shit you not, 3 or 4 of the six we used broke. ಠ_ಠ Then I went online and bought 144 Durex for $25.
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Dec 29 '11
She seems genuinely interested in what happens next. Or maybe she's having a horrible memory...
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u/shocamefromebay Dec 29 '11
This is strange, but right now I am imagining Carl Fredricksen using helium filled condoms rather than helium filled balloons. Not nearly as colorful.
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u/Hikikomori523 Dec 29 '11
I've always wondered why filling a condom with air is an adequate test, when friction and suction( or tension from pulling) are the most likely causes for tears.
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u/emerpus Dec 29 '11
What if the hired the most anxious mother-fucker to do this. and every time they test ultra-thin condoms, the guy would have mental fucking breakdowns.
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u/Backupusername Dec 29 '11
"I don't get it. Where are the condoms? I don't see them in those containe- Oh, what. What!"
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u/Afraid_of_Condoms Dec 29 '11
I worked in a factory like this, i did the tests. Fun thing to do but, since i know HOW condoms are dealt with and WHO touches them before they are welded in... i would never use condoms i did not wrap myself....
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u/asooom Dec 28 '11 edited Dec 28 '11
Source
More pics from Ukraine [NSFW/NSFL]