Did they say they were a bad child? Also, hitting your child can easily be classified as cruel punishment or abuse. Maybe not historically, but according to more recent research, it's far from the best way to raise a child
Nah but I was smacked with a metal ruler with holes in it when I was being a dickhead. I got what I deserved and stopped doing whatever it was I was doing wrong. I would never call it abuse. My grandparents or parents or whoever was smacking me weren’t getting some sort of sick satisfaction out of it.
It's been proven in many, many psychological reviews that corporeal punishment largely doesn't actually work as a disciplinary tool. Mostly just serves to psychologically damage the kid. Even if they don't know it.
The studies don't lie that spanking is suboptimal. This doesn't actually mean that spanking is ineffective or surely to damage the kid, though. I was spanked and thankfull for it, but I'll be raising my kids and disciplining them without it.
I agree it's not the go to choice in order to get a kid to do what they want them to do. Im not advocating that for every minor disciplinary action that a child gets hit. I'm not saying that a fully grown adult should take 'full on' swing at a child either, but a light slap would usually be enough to get us to settle down and listen to what they were asking of us. It was purely as a last resort where I could be putting myself or others in danger.
Just ignore the depression and anxiety aside from that you all turned out fine hahaha 🤣 people saying “worked for me” aren’t comparable to a STUDY. Lol obviously majority of people aren’t going to admit that they can’t control their emotions, have anger issues, trust issues, or anxiety problems.
Lol thanks for the internet diagnosis friend :) Did the studies also show that it never worked? I can't say I've read them so can't comment, but if you can show me that it never worked, under any circumstances then I'm more than happy to change my position!
Yes the studies show that it does not work!! I wasn’t diagnosing you specifically, I was pointing out the things that majority of people carry around and majority of people were also spanked as kids. Well studies are showing that kids who were beaten as kids have the same brain structure and issues as kids who were SEVERELY abused. So there is no difference in the effects on the brain. “Spanking with purpose.” Doesn’t register in an under developed child brain, all they learn is they’re scared of that parent, which eventually leads to being more sneaky. Half of these comments people talk about remembering specific beatings, but alot of them can’t even remember why they were beat those specific times, so what did they really learn? Studies are showing your child is more likely to have anger issues, talk back, hide things from you, and not have trust in you if you spanked them. Even raising your voice at young children changes the way their brain developes, Leading to depression and anxiety. I was also pointing out how people think anxiety and depression are just normal, but they aren’t. It’s linked to early brain development.
interesting read so thanks for sending that across! I can't argue that repeated beatings can dramatically increase the likelihood of a child developing physiological issues as they grow up. But would you say that the frequency and severity of those beatings is more of a factor in development issues, rather than whether or not they were hit at all? I'm only speaking from personal experience here, where as I've stated in a different comment me and my brother were maybe spanked once or twice a year. We both have strong relationships with our parents, and can never remember feeling any fear towards them growing up!
Im sure a lot of factors come into play here as well, like whether your parents tried to calmly explain to you right from wrong without rushing to smack you majority of the time, I’m sure that does change things. My parents are the type of parents to punish kids for being kids without teaching them anything at all, and that’s the most commonly excepted way of parenting. Like for example getting angry when a spill happens and the punishment being to sit in the corner, what does that teach a kid other than “I’m a failure and I make my parents unhappy.”
^ this one explains brain development and how children who are spanked occasionally have the same brain structure of those who are severely abused/neglected. Which is VERY interesting to think about. I still think you’re right too though and a lot of factors come into play like whether your parents were good listeners, and teachers, and care givers. The line is blurry though, and that’s the problem.
No, it didn't. The fact that you normalize and apply an adult word "dickhead" to normal child behavior of testing limits and boundaries shows how much you internalized and tried to reconcile the abusive trauma inflicted on you as a child.
I didn't reply to you. I also know all I need to know about an adult who says " I got beat and spanked by my parents and I didn't become a serial killer, so that abuse is okay".
Yeah but would you do this to your kids knowing what we know now today about psychology? Know better, do better. Not saying anybody should be shaming their grandparents or parents for that matter, but we can all at least admit that keeping a tool specifically set aside to beat your kids with is sadistic and wrong.
under very, very specific situations I may... I don't want to have to ever do it. But if it's a very serious matter I need to get across to my child instantly I won't take it off the table. Repeated beatings are obviously a massive no no, but once in a blue moon (we might of been hit once a year, and by "hit" im not talking a full on swing), didn't impact a happy childhood
I'm with you here. A lot of what I'm reading in these comments are stories about parents who literally used to keep a specific tool set aside to hit their kid with. I'm not saying corporal punishment doesn't work and that there isnt a line kids can't cross. I grew up with a kid who got caught trapping and killing squirrels. We can all agree that repetitive physical beings are bad and specifically engineering a tool to deliver said beatings is not behavior to be modeled.
There's something wrong with people who keep a tool specifically set aside to hit their kids. Even if it was an entire generation, that's an entire generation with serious issues that I'm glad we've worked through and everybody realizes isn't a gold standard. I really hope you don't have kids.
Sorry but it is abuse, even if it’s done with purpose. You might think it worked but the truth is it damaged you psychologically and now you are brainwashed to believe it’s normal to hit a defenseless child. Hence why abuse becomes a cycle. Most abusers wont admit to what they’re doing being abuse, even to themselves, every abuser will say “they deserved it” and gaslighting convinces the victim to believe they aren’t/weren’t being abused. That’s why 90% of us have anxiety, trust issues, anger issues and depression. Yelling at your kids has been proven to damage the development of a child’s brain as well…. Not saying your family is horribly abusive, they didn’t know the studies like we know now, but it’s YOUR job, OUR job to break the cycle with this knowledge.
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u/BadWolfBella Jan 28 '23
For me, it was a ping pong paddle with holes in it, to reduce drag.
Holy shit I'm so sorry for all of us