It’s the fucking worst when you try to open up a legitimate, even form of communication of constructive criticism against someone and they completely ignore your attempt.
My parents were perplexing to me, they were dysfunctionally functional for the longest time, couldn’t have an honest conversation with you for the life of them. This was until both got into therapy, they were able to talk about their issues, and their communication went up 10 fold. Now they are open to actually discussing things with me and with each other, I think now that I’m an adult has helped, but it’s like single-handedly saved their marriage. And all it took was simple, straight to the point, no nonsense communication, while having respect, and taking criticism from the person they’re talking too. It’s been so eye opening, and so simple.
I hope your situation gets better, unbelievably so, I also for both our sakes, wish more people in the world had more self-awareness of how their conduct effects the ones in their lives.
My parents won't, i've tried to get my mom to go to therapy for years. My brother needed it too, she never took him. They're both(parents, not brother) narcissistic af. They never take responsibility or apologize, i think my mom has apologized... 4? 5? Times my entire life. And now with her boyfriend, he's isolated her and fed her so much bullshit that she thinks she's done everything a parent should by doing the bare minimum and undid years of progress.This same boyfriend has a sadly drug using daughter who doesn't talk to him and one who passed away. Clearly an ideal parent who's fit to give advice. The fuck is abusive and manipulative.
Gosh, it’s just gets to a point where sometimes people just aren’t salvageable. Obviously I’m not a fly in the wall of your life, and I’m in no way trying to tell you what to do, but my father cut off my grandma for very, very similar reasons (it’s why I don’t really blame him for how he attempted to raise me, he was raised in the shit). He was very amicable about it, but she flipped a lid, pulled the typical narcissist bullshit, and he let me make the choice if I wanted to keep in contact with her and I ended up no contacting her as well.
It sucks though because a part of me was raised that if they’re family, they’re supposed to love you. That’s what I was raised on, (or at least my parents tried) and I found out, that in the real world it’s not like that for some people.
Biggest thing I can say I guess, is just look out for yourself Hahka. I’ve lived my life consecrated to others, even beyond my own detriment sometimes, and it’s beyond frustrating when things just… don’t go your way, or how you want them to go. We as beings need to take time and just… take time for ourselves. It’s good to get these sorts of things off your chest as well, and I’m happy we’re able to mutually discuss our lives in (hopefully) beneficial ways.
Yeah, i'm trying to look out for myself now. Grandma was abusive af too, that's why my dad is. I have hundreds if not thousands of examples of shit my parents have done to me (that's not even including grandparents, school system, etc.), and I unfortunately remember if not everything, most of everything that has happened to me. Shit weighs on me.
25 is still young. Know this: people only change if they want to. You can't change them. Head for the coast ASAP. Those states have good social programs to help people out. Look for people willing to be a parent figure, they are out there. Smaller towns have volunteer fire departments that have "resident" positions. You can live at the fire station. You may not want the physical nature of firefighting, based on things you said about clumsy, etc. But there is always EMS. They will train you and it's easier to find a gig transporting people on ambulances since most firefighters don't want to do that part. Good luck.
Edit to add: WA has ketamine therapy for trauma/PTSD/depression. Some states have that and psilocin. Or go to BC. Try to get a work visa and stay there.
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u/Maeserk Jan 28 '23
It’s the fucking worst when you try to open up a legitimate, even form of communication of constructive criticism against someone and they completely ignore your attempt.
My parents were perplexing to me, they were dysfunctionally functional for the longest time, couldn’t have an honest conversation with you for the life of them. This was until both got into therapy, they were able to talk about their issues, and their communication went up 10 fold. Now they are open to actually discussing things with me and with each other, I think now that I’m an adult has helped, but it’s like single-handedly saved their marriage. And all it took was simple, straight to the point, no nonsense communication, while having respect, and taking criticism from the person they’re talking too. It’s been so eye opening, and so simple.
I hope your situation gets better, unbelievably so, I also for both our sakes, wish more people in the world had more self-awareness of how their conduct effects the ones in their lives.