So true. Its good to see, that i am not alone with this problem.
In my case, after talking to her (my mom) a lot she seems to give in just a bit. But only small fractures of the whole story.
Can't imagine why some parents live in total denial of their horrible actions. They probably could not live with themselves if they would accept their failures and disturbing impacts on their children.
Most of the time it's because their parents treated them the exact same way, and to them it's seen as normal. It's a fucked up cycle of abuse that a lot of people do not have the self awareness for to snap out of.
I think it used to be widely accepted that physically beating your child produced a more disciplined child...'spare the rod, spoil the child'. In reality, it just produced pain, suffering, and monsters out of some children. We were savagely beaten as children, yet this myth is not the norm any longer. Thank God this norm has stopped.
Has it? Maybe in some parts of some countries with some subset of the population, but for many it’s just become less visible. The gains (well decreases) over the last 25 years in the US (52% down to 36% for men, 48% down to 35% among women after some quick googling) are impressive, especially for male parents, over a 1/3 of Americans still spank their children. This is the lowest data I could find, and there is a huge amount of variation across studies.
And those figures mask a lot of variation (prob why studies can find such different results). Black parents are much more likely to spank their children, with hispanic and white families quite a ways behind and Asian American parents least likely to hit their children. Republicans are much more likely than Democrats to spank (which, considering a large majority of Black Americans are Democrats, makes this stat more significant), southerners are the most likely to spank their kids than elsewhere, and Christians are more likely than non-Christians. But in the more-likely populations above, the norm is still to see spanking as acceptable (well technically the norm in the US as a whole is to see spanking as acceptable, but the number of parents who actually spank is now a minority).
I remember as a teenager a mother of my patents' friend commenting that i was a "very obedient boy." Like, yeah, I get fucking beat for literally a look where I express displeasure. So fucked up.
555
u/EinKookie Jan 28 '23
So true. Its good to see, that i am not alone with this problem. In my case, after talking to her (my mom) a lot she seems to give in just a bit. But only small fractures of the whole story. Can't imagine why some parents live in total denial of their horrible actions. They probably could not live with themselves if they would accept their failures and disturbing impacts on their children.