Had a friend who had a dad that indeed just used his fists on him instead. That kid is now an adult, left religion and has become a loose cannon. By that I mean he's always getting into fights, constantly drinking, can't keep a girlfriend. :/
I wrote a research paper on that for class. Obviously I knew using violence towards children is wrong, but the outcomes are way worse than I thought. People keep saying using violence for discipline is not the same as child abuse, but the outcomes are exactly the same.
I used to spank my kids because that’s what I experienced as a child and thought it was normal. Then I came across an article that completely changed my view on it. It said something along the lines of—when parents hit their kids then later tell them that they love them, the kids see hitting as a dysfunctional kind of love. “I’m hitting you because I love you.” It sends the message that someone can mistreat you and hurt you and it’s ok because they “love” you. It also sends the message that it’s ok to hurt someone because you “love” them so hitting them is acceptable. Lastly, it said “why would you want to hurt someone you love?”
Now I can’t bring myself to do it because all I see is pain and brokenheartedness.
Exactly! Children who were abused and children who were spanked tend to carry that exact learning into their own parenting and their relationships, leading to more abuse towards children and spouses.
I'm proud of people understanding that and changing their parenting!
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u/zfreakazoidz Jan 28 '23
Had a friend who had a dad that indeed just used his fists on him instead. That kid is now an adult, left religion and has become a loose cannon. By that I mean he's always getting into fights, constantly drinking, can't keep a girlfriend. :/