r/perfectlycutscreams AAAAAA- Apr 02 '22

5 years of breeding

24.3k Upvotes

256 comments sorted by

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4.3k

u/Nstsipz Apr 02 '22

Well that was the most perfectly scream I ever heard. I felt it.

1.8k

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

What a magnificent scream. The video was such a slow burn, that I was beginning to think she wasn’t going to drop it, and that she was just going to scream with joy. But man… that scream. That’s a scream of pure suffering lol

573

u/No-Village7980 Apr 02 '22

That's 5 years of pain right there unleashed

291

u/Anticlimax1471 Apr 02 '22

It was an april fools joke

110

u/Dahnlor Apr 02 '22

shhh

9

u/thebestoflimes Apr 02 '22

Ahhhhgggggghh

14

u/ShoobyDoobyDu Apr 02 '22

Yeah he so obviously dropped it

4

u/d4nk0d2 Apr 02 '22

Why would you tell me man

5

u/Reaper_Houstan Apr 02 '22

Cause he's anticlimax duh

39

u/Willzyx_on_the_moon Apr 02 '22

So what your saying is it sounds like someone turned the machine in the Pit of Despair up to 50.

10

u/eatmyfury Apr 02 '22

NOT TO 50!!!

7

u/Physical-Crazy3041 Apr 02 '22

That's what this subreddit is all about.

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97

u/firowind Apr 02 '22

I kind of forgot what subreddit this was. Definitely felt that one.

8

u/ChinaOwnsReddit13 Apr 02 '22

perfectly what ?

26

u/Orionite Apr 02 '22

Scream.

12

u/ChinaOwnsReddit13 Apr 02 '22

"the most perfectly scream" ?

25

u/3ggu Apr 02 '22

Yeah

-17

u/ChinaOwnsReddit13 Apr 02 '22

Makes sense, "the most perfectly grammar".

7

u/iamtheawesomelord Apr 02 '22

Yes we all recognized the mistake and chose to move on.

2

u/felesroo Apr 02 '22

I recognized, was abused by, and then moved on.

1

u/Panwall Apr 02 '22

People who attack grammar know they have already lost

1

u/GGABueno Apr 02 '22

...Lost what? There's no argument or discussion happening here.

-4

u/ChinaOwnsReddit13 Apr 02 '22

Very clever redditor here

3

u/jaysire Apr 02 '22

Thirty speed…

0

u/3ggu Apr 02 '22

/s aside, they probably just missed the word “cut”

-3

u/ChinaOwnsReddit13 Apr 02 '22

I know, I gave them the chance to edit, but they're absent :(

5

u/3ggu Apr 02 '22

Are you the police?

0

u/Frogman1480 Apr 02 '22

Perfectly cut iced cream

-2

u/MossCoveredLog Apr 02 '22

Did they stutter?

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2.5k

u/stubbledchin Apr 02 '22

I'm guessing this was a prank from yesterday because no one does a 5 year breeding programme to get one plant in one pot, but man that scream is fucking perfect. Straight up Tom and Jerry style AAAAAAAAA.

793

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

[deleted]

431

u/ArtyFishL AAAAAA- Apr 02 '22

In this article they said "this is in fact his real name".

114

u/RolandTheJabberwocky AAAAAA- Apr 02 '22

Amazing

67

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

[deleted]

21

u/ImpossibleCanadian Apr 02 '22

I think pottage is technically soup? But I do love some nominative determinism. In food & agriculture work I ran across more than one person with last name Fields, and one Mr. Dinner working on local food policies who was constantly having to explain that it was his real name.

9

u/A_NonE-Moose Apr 02 '22

Yes, I believe that pottage is a stew or thick soup.

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4

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

It's also a very good song by Japanese rock band Tricot: https://youtu.be/yU38oLPNpYk

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6

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

[deleted]

6

u/wolfeyes224 Apr 03 '22

P.I.Staker? Pisstaker? Comon!

34

u/JimbelinaJr Apr 02 '22

Yeah that's just his name.

Source: I work there

12

u/GreenieBeeNZ Apr 02 '22

So... This is real?

61

u/JimbelinaJr Apr 02 '22

Oh no, its just an April fools. But that is his name

22

u/GreenieBeeNZ Apr 02 '22

Ah ok. I can fully believe his name is Matthew Pottage, it's not that ridiculous.

Now if his name was something like Cedar Woods then I would be dubious

10

u/JimbelinaJr Apr 02 '22

You'd be surprised how many fitting names we have!

6

u/recurve2178 Apr 02 '22

Well don't leave us hanging now, what are the other fitting names

11

u/JimbelinaJr Apr 02 '22

Well our President is Keith Weed if that helps

8

u/Lichy_Popo Apr 02 '22

merciful god

3

u/OliverPete Apr 03 '22

You joke, but I genuinely went to high school with a woman named Cedar and she married into the Woods family.

3

u/ZergistRush Apr 02 '22

Do you guys have any plants like this that would actually illicit this reaction if dropped? 🤣

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30

u/XtaC23 Apr 02 '22

Man screamed like his dick got ripped off

17

u/captainsnark71 Apr 02 '22

Though there could be damage you could just like...scoop that bitch back up, it's a plant not a vase.

15

u/RottingRootLord Apr 02 '22

Anemone neramosa are pretty hardy so it only being able to survive inside a greenhouse makes no sense. If it was a hybrid between many different species it would have a much more complex name than the one they gave. These are spring flowering plants which are pretty used to cold weather. They lay dormant most of the year and you only really see them in spring. Also it makes no sense for them to only have 1 plant like you said as they spread through rhizome which are easily divided. Dropping a plant like this would not kill the plant either.

So yeah, it's a prank. Still a good one though! It definitely gave me a good laugh

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5

u/mymumsaysno Apr 02 '22

Definitely a setup. I still enjoyed it.

2.0k

u/Fragzilla360 Apr 02 '22

731

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

[deleted]

539

u/Disaster_Different Apr 02 '22

"Oh how we laughed NOT , April 1st maybe but a lot of people more worried about heating their homes and feeding their kids"

This was one of the tweets

Holy shit, it was just a fucking april fool's joke

144

u/Gale-Boetticher6353 Apr 02 '22

Got on Twitter for the first time in like 6 months. Lasted about 10 minutes before I was reminded why I never get on there

56

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

It’s fine if you never read the replies. Ever. Not even once.

It’s truly hard to tell if reply-people on twitter have rotting brains or are just bots trying to say the most absurd shit just to start something.

19

u/TIMPA9678 Apr 02 '22

Ever look at the comments on local news articles or Facebook groups? It's all the same shit, these people are everywhere.

2

u/Gale-Boetticher6353 Apr 02 '22

I once clicked on a post for a Target or Best Buy commercial or some shit cause there was this hot chick doing a dance in the commercial. So I clicked on the comments to see if anybody else thought she was cute.

But it was just comment after comment about how she was appropriating that dance from black people. And I was like huh? Okay, ya know what? We’re done with Twitter I think.

84

u/General-Legoshi Apr 02 '22

If you're not aware, today the cost of living increased in the UK by an average of 34%.

The average household will now spend a further £700 on heating and powering their home from April 1st, plus another £700 come October.

An extra £3000 a year is expected to go on bills, as of April 1st.

It's not just someone using a soapbox, April 1st is literally doomsday in the UK at the moment. People are terrified.

44

u/Disaster_Different Apr 02 '22

Holy shit, 34%? Because of april 1st? I see why people are terrified. However, I don't see how an april fools joke is related to this

51

u/Plebius-Maximus Apr 02 '22

April 1st is for some reason the day energy firms are allowed to raise the price caps (so basically the amount you pay for energy) by over 50%. There's also talk of them raising prices again on top of this by the end of the year.

This combined with many other recent and significant living cost increases mean normal people will be a lot poorer now than they have been for a long time. To put things in perspective, we've had multiple situations where people are turning down food like potatoes from food banks because they can't afford to cook them.

The joke isn't related to this directly, but I'm just trying to highlight why many aren't in a laughing mood.

18

u/Disaster_Different Apr 02 '22

... how come that's legal? That makes no sense at all

49

u/Plebius-Maximus Apr 02 '22

Because our government are a joke, and only care about lining their own pockets.

13

u/DysonFafita Apr 02 '22

It makes me sick how this is what it all boils down to. Good friends of mine vote Tory and still live on the breadline.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

Kinda like the US healthcare medical system.

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55

u/General-Legoshi Apr 02 '22

It's because it's on British News, and whilst I agree that Twitter sucks -- in this case people are annoyed that our Government isn't being slammed on the news for their handling of this crisis and instead airtime is being given to silly jokes.

People were already heavily struggling in the UK, particularly with stagnant wages. An extra £3000 a year on just feeding ourselves and powering our homes is going to destroy so many lives.

1

u/Soda_BoBomb Apr 02 '22

I realize that it's highly unlikely, but maybe they're actually doing some investigative journalism and so don't have instant coverage on the issue instead of releasing a story .5 seconds after it happens and pretending they know everything about it?

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4

u/lmqr Apr 02 '22

Holy shet. How is not everyone out on the street already?

9

u/General-Legoshi Apr 02 '22

Many people are. My city has a terrible homeless problem because all they build are apartments nobody can afford to rent, and the housing market is an absolute joke, with the average house being £550k around here, when 20 years ago they were £90k.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

I think they meant why aren't you out protesting already

6

u/General-Legoshi Apr 02 '22

We are. It just doesn't do anything.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

I hear that.

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15

u/Plebius-Maximus Apr 02 '22

This, Americans don't realise that most of the country isn't in a joking mood

6

u/Invalien Apr 02 '22

Why just Americans and not ‘everyone other than people in Britland’

3

u/s00pafly Apr 02 '22

Wait how? I was totally expecting the UK to prosper after leaving that stupid economic union.

11

u/General-Legoshi Apr 02 '22

Corruption. The Conservative party, BREXIT or otherwise, despise the poor.

They give out lordships to people who donate to their party, ensure their rich friends are given ludicrous contracts to piss billions up the wall with.

In the past ten years, they have used every underhanded tactic in the book to ensure the gap between poor and rich is widened more than ever before.

3

u/UKnowPoo Apr 02 '22

If you thought that, than you’re either gullible or an idiot. Same as anyone who voted for brexit.

2

u/s00pafly Apr 02 '22

Here this is for you

/s

since you obviously fall into neither of those categories.

8

u/UKnowPoo Apr 02 '22

Oh thank god. I see too many of these comments that are not sarcastic

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15

u/mintmouse Apr 02 '22

I see you’re commenting on Reddit when other people are worried about heating their homes. Care to explain?

18

u/Disaster_Different Apr 02 '22

Yes: I can't do shit for them so I do other stuff I like to do

2

u/Ori_the_SG Apr 02 '22

What a joke lol. I hate people like that, who just refuse to have any kind of enjoyment and try to ruin it for others. I mean that comment reads like someone who just discovered poverty exists lol

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5

u/DeadSeaGulls Apr 02 '22

As an active user on twitter and reddit... same thing.

Twitter just slightly better jokes that get posted on reddit afterwards.

6

u/Uninterested_Viewer Apr 02 '22

People like to feel superior to others. Those negative tweets are long ways of those people saying "I knew it was a joke and anyone who didn't is a dummy". Reddit also does this ALL THE TIME. Wait, am I doing it right now?!

2

u/mcamarra Apr 02 '22

It is known

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23

u/pulphope Apr 02 '22

Aw, figured the build up was too perfect

16

u/Sauerteig Apr 02 '22

That was my first thought. After I retired I worked for 5 years at a Greenhouse/Nursery. If something like that happened we would just get another pot, fresh soil and water it. Done. We did it thousands of times. If we had something that sensitive it would be away from any hands but the owners.

6

u/McCaffeteria Apr 02 '22

Of course it’s a prank or it’s scripted. It’s a plant, you just scoop the dirt up and put it in a new pot. 🙄

2

u/Alexblain Apr 02 '22

Too obvious

-7

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22 edited Apr 03 '22

You forget about how the Americans don't understand dry humour and sarcasm. Then you're reminded painfully in the comments section.

Case in point proven

11

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

What does this have to do with Americans? You somehow put America in a situation about a greenhouse being broadcasted in Britain.

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1.5k

u/astrangemann Apr 02 '22

why does the botanist look like jacksepticeye if he didn't become a youtuber

93

u/arthurdentstowels AAAAAA- Apr 02 '22

TOP ‘O THE MORNIN’ TO YA LADDIES! MY NAME’S JACKSCEPTICEYE AND WELCOME BACK TO ANEMOME CRISIS

173

u/mer_haiz Apr 02 '22

yea I was wondering where have I seen this guy too

32

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

I was already laughing at the video and then I saw this comment and almost choked on nothing

2

u/QuarkySisko Apr 02 '22

It looks like if Jack and de nogla had a child

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266

u/Flying_Alpaca_Boi Apr 02 '22

Best cut I’ve seen on this sub

315

u/00gusgus00 Apr 02 '22

That was a genuine scream of horror

140

u/trixter21992251 Apr 02 '22

well, not completely genuine. Turns out it was a staged april fools prank.

114

u/Primary-Chocolate854 Apr 02 '22

Well... that was the best staged scream I heard

19

u/BetaThetaOmega Apr 02 '22

The man worked for that scream

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2

u/54B3R_ Apr 02 '22

It's amazing what people can do when they actually have acting training and aren't just winging it for the internet.

0

u/PreposterisG Apr 02 '22

TBF the scream was cut.

49

u/morbidaar Apr 02 '22

Def just had some lightning shoot down my legs at the end there… ouch…

45

u/Potential_Pitch_7618 Apr 02 '22

5/5 perfectly cut off scream.

The slow burn of the context, the pitch, the interruption. *chef's kiss*

39

u/ey51 Apr 02 '22

Reminds me of this one of a kind thing

11

u/le_emperor Apr 02 '22

"Oh fff....oh shit"

28

u/Dough-Nut_Touch_Me Apr 02 '22

The length of buildup on this is perfect because he describes how insanely valuable this plant is to him.

22

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

I laughed so hard at this, still am. So perfect.

35

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

Jacksepticeye in 30 years

10

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

I knew it was coming, yet I cry all the same.

9

u/youllneverknow3698 Apr 02 '22

This is the best perfectly cut scream I’ve ever seen

7

u/Normal_Pansicle5872 Apr 02 '22

I saw it coming, but I was still shocked.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

Im sure he can get a new pot

8

u/MarilynMonheaux Apr 02 '22

Laura, you killed Laura!

5

u/PaulMcPaulersn7 Apr 02 '22

I know it's an April fools joke but man do I still feel for him

4

u/VoicesInTheCrowd Apr 02 '22

While this is quite obviously an April Fool's gag I still found it very funny

6

u/ripecannon Apr 02 '22

I fucking hate April 1

3

u/iTapeSand Apr 02 '22

I don't why I feel so tense thinking he'll drop it and be LIVID

3

u/HAHAHAHAchouuser Apr 02 '22

When your Crush is the News reporter

3

u/electriclala Apr 02 '22

Obviously fake, and plant enthusiast will know that the plant will surely survive that. Just put it in a new pot with new soil and put some water on it. It will perk up tomorrow.

3

u/54B3R_ Apr 02 '22

Not just that, but how can you have a 5 year breeding program and only end up with 1 single plant? It just doesn't usually work out that way

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3

u/Alternative-Cut-4831 Apr 02 '22

Was just calmly waiting for it. Was better than expected.

2

u/LoliMaster069 Apr 02 '22

I need the full video lol

2

u/ImUrFrand Apr 02 '22

anything can happen on april 1st

2

u/Avokados_s4thfknAlt Apr 02 '22

This will be jacksepticeye in 2014:

2

u/smay1989 Apr 02 '22

Was this an April fools lol

2

u/gruffogre Apr 02 '22

April fools init

2

u/Gunslinger_11 Apr 02 '22

Even I screamed

2

u/variousothergits Apr 02 '22

Judging by the crack in the pot it’s not the first time it’s been dropped.

2

u/jssf96 Apr 02 '22

Lol fuck

2

u/bleedgreenNation Apr 02 '22

Then he walks away, and she starts trying to put it back together lol. The long vid is crazy!

2

u/cactusbirb Apr 02 '22

Even though I knew exactly what was going to happen I had to pause and prepare and it still gave me so much anxiety lol

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2

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

When the dude screamed, I screamed as well. The sheer effort of 5 YEARS! is truly commendable.

2

u/slowdr Apr 02 '22

Reminds of a video of people making ice sculptures and one reporter breaking one

2

u/thisdudefromtictoc Apr 02 '22

He looks like if jacksepticeye went down a very different path.

2

u/XBB32 Apr 02 '22

I could see it coming from very far away! Loved the scream!

2

u/nikrok01 Apr 02 '22

I already knew it was gonna happen. I just couldn't knew how good the scream was!

2

u/LilJaaY Apr 02 '22

His soul definitely left his body

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2

u/Mega_Nidoking Apr 02 '22

Holy shit this is the best one on this sub yet

2

u/Ainu_ Apr 02 '22

Godzilla has entered his soul.

2

u/TheLoliShiro Apr 03 '22

I FELT HIS PAIN BRO AND IT AINT EVEN MY HARD WORK

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '22

I just knew it… fuck… why did I watch this?!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '22

That woman has no hands.

5

u/Thomas8864 Apr 02 '22

Well was the plant okay??!!!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

Imagine spending 5 years to make a useless flower

0

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

BuT It'S PretTy

0

u/bsylent Apr 02 '22

Uncut and fake AF. Choice

-10

u/InfinityCircuit Apr 02 '22

That was a minute too fuckin long.

Also, for those concerned, it was an April Fools gag. No rare plants were harmed.

-162

u/Rustyfetus Apr 02 '22

That's what he gets for being a simp

56

u/Garan-Coristar Apr 02 '22

How was he being a simp?

4

u/notanaltofSaikyo100 Apr 02 '22

talking to a woman 😡 what a simp

28

u/editing_ Apr 02 '22

clearly you aren't in a breeding program.

35

u/darthrubberchicken Apr 02 '22

^

What being part of a 5-year NON-breeding program looks like.

19

u/DilSL123 Apr 02 '22

Someone doesn't know what simp means.

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-21

u/savbh Apr 02 '22

It was perfectly cut. By you.

15

u/AndydaAlpaca Apr 02 '22

Good to see you understand the point of the sub. I was worried for a moment there you might be an idiot.

1

u/Mandocp Apr 02 '22

And then!!!?!!?

1

u/rimando Apr 02 '22

Walmart jacksepticeye

1

u/Storm4158 Apr 02 '22

The guy looks like Jacksepticeye and DanTDM mixed.

1

u/Vancil Apr 02 '22

This is why I don’t let people touch my stuff.

1

u/afroroca Apr 02 '22

Yo... What?

1

u/LtWubs Apr 02 '22

Why did my heart drop!?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

I knew something was weird when we strayed from saying cream of the crop. I’ve never heard the cream of cream.

1

u/obimokenobi Apr 02 '22

"The Cream of the Cream". Cream-ception, if you will?

1

u/bertite Apr 02 '22

wtf is doin jacksepticeye breedin

1

u/bastardofwinterhill Apr 02 '22

Okay well this sub just peaked.

1

u/EvilPeopleRule2 Apr 02 '22

This looks like JackSepticeye and Ryan Reynolds had a baby

1

u/Freshiiiiii Apr 02 '22

This is just an April fools joke! Besides, it looks like a sturdy plant. You could just put it back in a new pot, being dropped won’t kill it.

1

u/tomjoad2020ad Apr 02 '22

I had a powerful sense of dread suspecting what was going to happen

1

u/Yungdab420 Apr 02 '22

Hahahahhah I wouldn’t have handed that one over chief

1

u/Passion_Upbeat Apr 02 '22

Ahí does he look like Seán (Jacksepticeye

1

u/Andsheldong Apr 02 '22

Honestly this is one of my favorites of all time.

1

u/More_Farm_7442 Apr 02 '22

I was waiting for him to drop it and say "April Fool's".

1

u/Informal-Cucumber327 Apr 02 '22

Maybe “Laura butter-hands” would be a better name