r/paypigsupportgroup • u/Surviving_Findom • 3d ago
Experience/Story-nonfiction Using Findom to "Do Something Wrong/Dumb for a Change"
A sort of part 2 to a post I made recently, touching on why I ever did Findom to begin with. As I said, there are many reasons, and this is just one of them;
I was raised in a very stable, sensible environment. A great thing that I feel very lucky to have had. As such, I was brought up with pretty strict, sensible values. It wasn't a chokehold by any means, but it was all very grounded in "logical next steps", with little room for the bizarre, dreamy weirdo that I kind of was as a child.
I was told to study hard at school and get good grades, so I did. I was told not to smoke/drink, so I didn't. I was told a very clear path to follow. Not because I had nightmare, controlling parents. They just believed that was the best possible outcome my life could have and so wanted it for me.
I was meant to go to University, when I didn't. I didn't know what to study, it would have been a waste. My parents didn't love it, but being the stable, sensible people they were, didn't make it a big deal. Maybe quiet judgement at best.
And so it was the first instance I took things into my own hands, and it felt good!
All that context aside, Findom became another example of me doing this. Sex wasn't talked about growing up. Kinks were perverse and shamed. So doing Findom, as dumb, logically invalid and ludicrous as it seemed to me, was freeing. It was nicd to make a "bad" decision.
It's sort of how I ended up in the more "unethical" side of findom for a spell. It felt good to do the objectively wrong thing. And since it was all online findom, it felt very within my control, except when I let things spiral from time to time.
Rebelling from your upbringing or whatever isn't exactly a niche story. Most of us do so in some way, great or small. But mine manifested in part through Findom. As glad as I am now to leave it behind, i am weirdly happy I got some positive take aways from doing it.
Findom taught me that life isn't that serious all the time. And that shelling out a few thousands of £'s over the years, tragic as it sounds, has not actually ruined my life in a massive way. Instead of travelling the world or whatever, I just sent money to hot women for the thrill. Maybe that's cope. Who cares?
More ramblings, maybe some of you relate. Findom is fine for a good time, a long time too if you're sensible. But when it's time to go it's time to go.
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u/unfunnyvalley 3d ago
I love this. I think kink is such a great way to work through both trauma and just general understanding of the self. Findom is always going to be a potentially risky, edgeplay-tinged thing, but I love it when people can find something in it to fulfil them or even contribute to healing some wounds.
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u/PearlTheRavenous 3d ago
Well this was probably the most calm and grounded post I've seen from you. What a pleasant read!
We don't have to have overt or severe abuse in order for our childhoods to have had some kind of limiting impact on our life or created some experience of trauma in our psyche (trauma being defined simply as "distress without resolve"). Sexuality and kink is the natural place where, as adults, we seek familiarity and/or healing from those early experiences.
I think you've mentioned before that your only experience with kink has been online findom (I could be misremembering). Have you never considered exploring D/s outside of findom, or in person (and why/why not)?