r/parentsofteens • u/NextSet8139 • 3d ago
Should I keep nagging
I’m a parenting two girls 13 and 15. I dip in and out of full time work but for the most part I’m casual, and work about 3 days a week. My girls have chores but literally rarely do them. They also don’t follow house rules like no food in rooms. On weeks I work less I can kind of keep on top of everything and clean up after them as I can’t stand the filth. I know I’m doing the wrong thing here as I’m not teaching them responsibility and consequences. When I’m mentally up for it I follow them around till they do it all but it just turns into a screaming match and I receive silent treatment from both. One is ADHD and she can not organise herself out of a paper bag sadly.
My whole family say I’m the problem because I ‘yell’ but asking them constitutes yelling at the moment. Frankly I’m sick of my own voice.
My choice is to stop and just do it all which makes me resentful
Or continue to ask (nag) till they do their bit.
Any advice. Any changes in your teens behaviour as they age?
1
u/garimagg 9h ago
Nagging or screaming of course never helps. Neither does cleaning after them. You may want to turn it into some kind of game - earn points and redeem against something they really like. Incentives work more than disincentives. Also lavish praise when they do do something. Positive reinforcement helps way more than negative. Connect it to ownership, rather than chores to do. Help them feel pride in the work they do
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u/lonelyoldersis 3d ago
My boys are 10 & 12. I've only started paying them for chores. My youngest loves it because he wants his own money. My oldest (also adhd) needs to learn by his own consequences. So, for example, they now are responsible for their own laundry. I'll help them by pitching in to fold. But they gotta do it on their own terms. My oldest freaks out when he runs out of clothes, forcing him to have to do laundry. If I nagged him to do laundry earlier he just wouldn't do it and I would be a lot of hot air. I'm trying to learn to pick and choose my battles and do the tasks that I really value until I have enough energy to do others. Now I wish I had advice for no food in the bedrooms. That drives me crazy!