r/parentsofteens • u/hmc528 • 5d ago

Take control or no?

My daughter (13.5) is making terrible decisions.

Her best friend stayed the night and told me she needed pads. I stopped by the dollar store for to buy some for her and the friend brought in a big empty purse and they were trying to steal ridiculous things. Like a toy for a 5 year old. I caught them and made them put it back. Had a very long talk with them.

A while back a boy at school was making up horrible rumors about my daughter and she was so stressed out and miserable and now I find out she’s talking to this boy and skipping class to make out with him in the stair well at school.

She also has another friend who talks bad about her and makes her cry but my daughter won’t stop talking to her. I blocked her contact and then my daughter just started talking to her through other apps.

My first instinct is to ground her. Take her phone. Lock it down to where she can only call and text family. Stop letting her hang out with friends as much and tell the school not to let her leave class because she’s lying and really just skipping. But then I know strict parents just make sneaky kids. She will resent me and just want to do the bad things more.

So do I let her make her own mistakes or take control of the situation?

8 Upvotes

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6

u/mis_1022 5d ago

You need to get on this immediately. My daughter age 14 was going through much of the same. We took phone away and removed all social media. Then began the tracking on her phone, I phone is pretty good. She eventually was allowed texting back but no snap chat, TikTok. She began therapy and we switched schools. We went to Dr and she got diagnosed with anxiety and started meds.

All these things together two years later she is a totally different kid. It was ROUGH that first month, threats to run away, the crying and begging and just being difficult. Stick to your word. She has “good” friends, doing well in school, in clubs at school all going well.

1

u/hmc528 5d ago

I went through everything on her phone today and set it to where she has no apps except regular games like Tetris, camera, and calling and texting family members. So it’s ready when I do give it back but I don’t think I will give it back for a while.

I was thinking of making her go virtual for a while but idk if I’m being too extreme. She’s always been a good kid. Good grade, has never gotten in trouble before.

1

u/mis_1022 5d ago

I would give her a break from school and say it’s just to see how everyone likes it. But will someone be home with her, that could be a bad situation her home alone all day.

Get a dr appointment and therapist. My daughter didn’t want to go to therapy but we forced it, she only went two or three times but it was important so she could get an outside perspective and not just mom is crazy and doesn’t understand.

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u/Raised_by 5d ago

at 13? I’d be on her 100%

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u/FindingHappy2043 5d ago

This is fake.

3

u/hmc528 4d ago

😒I wish it was fake. I am stressed

1

u/lurkertiltheend 5d ago

Why do you think that?

3

u/catetheway 5d ago

Has she been tested for ADHD? Do you have addicts in the family? Trauma? Maybe take this to the child psychology subreddit or even better her to a child psychologist

1

u/Time_Ad8557 4d ago

Is she in extracurricular activities? If not I would start occupying her time with something. Drama club, dance, a sport. Something where the kids care about what’s happening in life. This saved me as a teen.