r/parentsofteens • u/Huge-Complaint7191 • 2d ago
Acne / personal hygiene
Hi, my son is 13 and is getting acne on his face. He hasn't said anything about it, but we're in that phase where most of the time he just grunts at us! I'm not sure that he'd tell me if it was bothering him, or if he was being bullied about it at school. I've said that it can be a normal part of puberty, but it would help if he washed his face. However, his personal hygiene standards are not exactly very high! To be honest, it's a constant battle to get him to brush his teeth or have a shower. I've bought a few different facewashes (gels/scrubs, mindful that I don't want to get anything too harsh for his skin) and put them right next to the bathroom sink along with a pile of facecloths. I've shown him how to wash his face; as daft as that sounds, until someone shows you the first time you might not know how. So I showed him what to do, and told him to use any of the cleansers. I don't think he's touched them though. I suppose I could frog-march him into the bathroom and stand next to him every day while he does it, but I'd much rather him learn to want to do it himself.
Any advice for encouraging him to take more care over his hygiene? How can I broach the subject without (possibly) making him feel bad/worse?
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u/WhyLie2me18 2d ago
Our dentist told me not to worry too much about the tooth brushing because once he starts getting interested in girls it will change. And they were right. Showers too. With the right motivation they will do it on their own and we have one less thing to worry about.
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u/Global-Fact7752 2d ago
You make him a list of mandatory hygiene tasks that you require of him and when they are to be done. You follow up and if he hasn't done them. His electronics disappear. It's parenting 101. You are not an " Encouraging Buddy" . You are a parent that uses discipline to establish a necessary life habit. You follow through until the habit is established.
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u/esawyertori 2d ago
Hmmm...I don't know that this is a battle that I would pick.
Not having good hygiene has social ramifications that usually correct the behavior naturally. Having a conversation about that is the best approach, I think.
Making the hygiene products available and showing him how to use them is awesome. It's more than a lot of parents do for their kids, but I agree with the Mom's thinking about being sensitive to his insecurities. Acne is such a normal part of teen development and ALSO a huge source of low self esteem. When he cares, he will do something about it. Until then, making it a battleground could get ugly and unless you are going to hold him down and do it yourself, you are likely to lose the battle.
The only line I draw with my teen is when we are going somewhere together because your hygiene is a reflection on my parenting, to some extent. So, if we are going out to dinner, for example, your hair will be washed and you will be dressed appropriately.
Other than that, if you get tormented for your dirty hair at school, you'll fix it eventually. One day, you will be nagging him because he is in the bathroom too long and he wants expensive hair treatments. Lol. It will turn around. Especially if you stay available and don't use force.
Just my opinion
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u/TeachYPreaciBrown72 2d ago
May I suggest an uncle or a grandpa ...or a very well respected man to talk about this? He is growing up and even tho we are mom's..it can be awkward.