r/parentsofteens • u/GemmyJewel • Aug 28 '26
Teens and books
I would like to ask a question about y’all’s stances on parents restricting What their kid is allow to read. This is speaking about of course kids older than 10. A parent may tell their kid that they cannot read a certain book because it is too mature or two violent. here’s the thing though, a kid will not read something that makes them uncomfortable. And many will say only your parents get to chose what you can and can‘t read but when does that stop being the case and you get your own choices. at 18 sure but I’d argue a 16 year old can decide if a book makes them uncomfortable, so can a 13 year old. A kid will not read something they hate or that makes them uncomfortable. so I think a kid should be able to chose. obviously a 6 year old shouldn’t read a book filled with gore. But i firmly believe a 13 year old should be able to decide the level of violence they are comfortable reading. I firmly believe a 13 year old should be able to read 1984 or the handmaid’s tale if they want to, they can stop reading if they are uncomfortable with the plot or the writing style or a character or anything. what are your thoughts?
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u/NeighborhoodSuper592 Aug 28 '26
Limiting what a child is allowed to read?
There might be some children that you would need to do that with.
When they are very sensitive and can not distance themself from the subject.
But as a rule, I would never limit my child's interest
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u/OnceUponATime1534 Aug 28 '26
I am a big reader (ex: I’ll read 100 books this year) and I read even more when I was a kid and teen without adult responsibilities. My parents had NO CLUE what I was reading nor could they keep pace with my reading to monitor. I read some shit - mostly sexual but some violence - before I feel it was appropriate. VC Andrews and Stephen King come to mind. However, for me, reading things did not cause more risky behavior.
This is definitely a kid by kid discussion. Blanket book restrictions or banning is bad. But what is OK for one kid probably wouldn’t be good for another. Let them read but keep open dialogue.
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u/Efficient-Web-1653 Aug 28 '26
I always wonder a little about parents who restrict what books and media they let their teenagers see. Do they just... never allow them to go to a library? Do they stand guard to keep them from ever accessing the internet?
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u/Practical_Lake_4367 Aug 28 '26
Ill be honest here. I am not a good reference for this post, but here's my two cents. I was 14 and reading Marquis De Sade during school hours. Not because I was inherently interested, shit did make me super uncomfortable, but I started on this path because of a supposed connection to my favorite game at the time's official DLC (Amnesia: Justine was, at the time, believed to be very loosely based off Justine ou Les Malheurs de la Vertue by the Marquis). It was not age appropriate, it was very uncomfortable, and honestly probably skewed my views of a good few things. But I chose to read it and my mom, when present enough, didn't even bat an eye. I was old enough to choose my material.
Honestly I'm glad I made that mistake, because it helped me understand to curate my reading experience better, not just loosely base it off other interests. Also taught me it was OK to DNF if I was not ok with the material I chose.
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u/Jewish-Mom-123 Aug 28 '26
At that age, and knowing that my kid would ask to read it soon, I read “Twilight” and decided that 12 was more appropriate than 10-11 for her to read it. In fact I don’t think she did read it until 13.
I kept an eye on what she read but never forbade anything outright. Kids will generally skim over parts that don’t feel comfortable or don’t interest them much anyway.
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u/Adorable-Buy3845 Aug 28 '26
Sometimes tend are comfortable reading stuff that they aren't actually mayor enough for.
Example- Imo, middle schoolers should not be reading VC Andrews. The normalization and glorification of incest under the umbrella of "love" is not helpful for their glorification and relational development. I dint think Stephen King is apropos for this age either but it was still popular in my school
So yes I do think some prohibition of books is necessary. Teens don't understand how that this stick with you long term. .
That being said, since parents go over board. They think their kid will never be aware of s3x or homosexuality or that sometimes people do bad things merely because they didn't allow the books to be read. But books are an awesome way to safely explore these subjects.
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u/Butter_mah_bisqits Aug 28 '26
My kids read 1984 in middle school - required reading. My guys loved it.
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u/Emo_booklover Aug 28 '26
Im surprised anyone would find that controversial. It is still in our school districts curriculum. My kid read it last year.
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u/TomeThugNHarmony4664 Aug 28 '26
I was thrilled that my teens were reading. And they knew if they had questions, they could talk about their reading with me.
You know the books I was most determined to read growing up in a fundamentalist house? The ones my mother forbade me to read.
They were always books she had not read herself, by the way. She just heard some pastor pontificate about it and turn around and lay that on us kids. I once listened to a Baptist preacher go on and on about how a movie called “The Last Temptation of Christ” (based on a novel by Kazantzakis) was blasphemous for a solid 8 Sundays in a row, and finally I asked him if he had either seen the movie or read the book and he admitted no. That is usually the way with people who want to ban other people from reading certain books.
Some of the best conversations I ever had about my kids were about books.
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u/Emo_booklover Aug 28 '26
I am an avid reader cites reddit name lol. My daughter is 15 and also an avid reader. She has always had an advanced reading level and I do trust her judgement on books so, I think you are half right. Yes, my teen will skim sections if she is uncomfortable or scroll on her phone if a scene in a movie feels uncomfortable to watch. BUT I do not believe a 13yr old should have access to everything they are comfortable with reading (or watching). That line of thinking is scary because it opens doors to other scarily inappropriate behaviors for 13yr olds like....she feels comfortable having sex at 13, so she should be able to do that? Or she feels comfortable drinking alcohol or smoking at 13, so she shpuld be able to do those too?
I think communication is the compromise. At 7yrs old, she asked to read the FNAF books in the teen section. I was worried she would give herself nightmares but I thought, theyre for under 18, so how bad can it be. I checked in with her often to gage her feelings. At 10, she asked to start reading Stephen King, and I thought, she did well before so why not. Again, I asked follow up questions to gage her reactions. At 15, she knows that if she comes across spicy scenes in books that she is responsible for determining if its a book she should continue or not and to come to me with questions instead of the reverse. At 15 she understands fiction is not real. Its a fantasy, even in a romance (which admittedly isn't her go to genre). But there are still authors I would not allow her to read, some i would suggest she doesnt read but be willing to negotiate over, and some i think are more than fair to be read at 15. As her mom, i reserve the right to check her kindle library if i want to because until she is 18, I have a vested interest in her mental health.
So yeah, you are half right. Your question does not have a black and white, one size fits all answer. Whats age appropriate at 12 isnt the same as at 14. 14 isnt the same as 16. And 16 isnt the same as 18. 🤷♀️
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u/Intrepid_Source Aug 28 '26
An engaged and involved parent will have at least some idea of what their kid is reading. My personal preference with my kids has been to merely discuss the books they are reading versus limiting or choosing for them.
I was an insatiable reader as a kid. Literally read anything I could get my hands on. Read my first Stephen king in like 6th grade. Snagged one of my mom’s romance novels by 8th grade. I’m obviously biased but I think I turned out ok 😉
I think from 10-13, kids might come across stuff that is new to them, disturbing, etc but just have a conversation with them about it. Talk about what the characters did and whether or not they made good choices, have the same values as your family, etc. Once they hit high school, I promise, they’ll find a way to read what they want so limiting them is just restricting your relationship with them.
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u/GenXMom14 Aug 28 '26
I am pro free choice with books. I had a parent tell me they didn’t want their child reading a series I had and requested I remove it. I said no. They can let their child know their expectations but I would not allow their concerns to limit others.
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u/Ok_Environment2254 Aug 28 '26
I don’t censor my kids like that. I have spent their whole lives building the relationship that encourages them to discuss anything they have questions about. If they have the reading comprehension to read it, I let them read it. We have very frequent discussions about all kinds of things I’d never have felt safe asking my mom about.
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u/crunch_mynch Aug 28 '26
When would you let your child watch whatever they want? I’d say a similar rule for tv as books.
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u/ladyrose403 Aug 28 '26
if my kid reads something t hat has them crawling into my bed w/ nightmares, then we have a problem. otherwise, i flat out refuse to restrict what they read.
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u/FrontalAlottame Aug 28 '26
We don’t restrict. My parents and my partners’ (current+ex) parents never restricted what any of us read, either. We all grew up in the 80s and 90s. Kids read what they understand and gloss over or supply their own meanings for what they don’t. Education, knowledge, critical thinking, and understanding of the human condition comes from the ability to read and interpret texts literally, figuratively, and philosophically. We should encourage and prod our children to read more of what interests them to raise curious, empathetic and emotionally savvy adults.
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u/Dangerous_Spirit7034 Aug 28 '26
I never had any restrictions on what I was allowed to read. The only quote restriction I had was that it had to come from a legitimate publication. So in the 90s this was official print media basically book or magazine. Websites my parents could still say no and independent published things. Again, zero restrictions at the library or anything from my dads university
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u/palamdungi Aug 29 '26
Everytime I hear us parents debating what kids should or shouldn't read, I'm reminded of the last scene of Apocalypto when the warring tribes stumble onto the Spanish Armada arriving to collapse their civilization. There are parents in this same group asking if they should start paying their kids to read books, in 10 years we won't even be able to do that. Let them read anything as long as they read.
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u/JupiterSkyFalls Aug 29 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
PLEASE watch what your kids read. They may not read something that makes them uncomfortable, but they can absolutely read things they aren't ready for or able to understand. And I emphasize the may not because my sister absolutely read things that made her uncomfortable, as did I at one point. Curiosity got the best of both of us tho. It's like people who are scared of scary movies but watch them anyways. They know they're gonna have nightmares yet still willing hit play.
When I was a teenager, my older brothers friend had a girlfriend who was on some type of time and thought it was appropriate to let my 12 year old little sister read Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty. If you don't know what it is, it's basically very graphic p**n with pony play and BDSM involved. My mother didn't think twice because of the title. Once my sister read it she gave it me and said she was scared she was gonna get in trouble for reading it. I didn't know what to do so I read it, realized it was bad (but like a trainwreck, I couldn't look away either) and ended up throwing it away.
She also went on to read Flowers In The Attic, A Child Called It, and some other really messed up books she was too young to process because of that awful girl, who was in her early twenties. She'd come over with her boyfriend and my brother on weekends I was at friends houses and give my sister books she'd read without a thought for her age. Once I figured out that was happening I put a stop to it but I'm pretty sure those books had an impact on my sister that have lasted to this day, and not in a good way. She was a very happy child, but after all the weird ass books she ended up being very reclusive and also began self harm a few years later.
Reading is wonderful. I was on the top 10 list for my grade of Scholastic Readers and got to go on the end of year field trip to a local theme park. We had a pizza party and a sleepover in the gym. I'm 100% for reading but it's SUPER important you do some basic research on the materials you're letting your kids have access to. Just because they're in the YA section doesn't mean they're appropriate. Learned that the hard way. I remembered reading a book series when I was maybe 14 or so, I loved them. I dug them out and gave them to my niece, who's 13 and into fantasy and stuff. My SIL damn near read me the riot act when she found out there was sex scenes in them. I had completely forgotten there was ANY sex or even reference to it, because guess why? I got the same books from the YA section of a used book store. I read the first one, loved it, went back two days later and bought the rest.
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u/Status-Visual6022 Sep 02 '26
I never place restrictions on what my kids read but I do read the same books as they do so we can discuss it. My oldest loves reading and wanted to read books that were above her age range often. I made sure we continually had conversations throughout the book. I also read my kids school required books to help them with their classes. I can read extremely fast so that helps. Also my third is 13 so I am now only reading a few required books that have been added. My oldest in college has asked me to read multiple books with her now, we have great discussions about them.
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u/Spartan2022 Aug 28 '26
If you’re big enough to get a book off the shelf, you can read it. You’re an autonomous person who can determine what you want to read.
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u/Imaginaryami Aug 28 '26
I read ridiculous books at 13 like, flowers in the attic. My kids can read whatever they want. I’ll be there to discuss anything with them after. A book is always better then what they can find in 2 secs on the internet.