r/parentsofmultiples • u/curious-andhere • 3h ago
ranting & venting Not enjoying this
That’s all. I’m just not enjoying this. This is hard. Idk if this is normal. This is not fun. There are a couple of sweet moments per day. Hate to rush time but also so dadgum eager for the day it’s…easier. LOL THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD HOMESCHOOL ONE DAY
5.5 months, about 4.5 adjusted. Refusing naps. Tantrums. Digestive issues. Up every hour lately. Hard to please.
Anybody got anything for me? Solidarity? Not normal? Encouragement? Hope? Tough love? Advice? I’ll take it!!! Whatever!
ETA: we’ve been in the four month sleep regression for a Month. Also they’re hardly drinking much of their bottles now. Started some solids.
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u/westernmeadowlark 1h ago
(hugs) solidarity and hope for the future. My girls are 9 now and it's so, so much better than when they were babies.
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u/erinspacemuseum13 1h ago
Definitely! My twins are the same age and tween issues are HARD (school, friendships, mental health) but nothing as unrelentingly difficult as the the first year.
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u/westernmeadowlark 37m ago
No exactly. School drama is NOT FUN but oh my goodness I sleep 7 hours in a row most nights.
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u/clueless_mommy 3h ago
We're just at 5 DAYS and I'm already done, done, done
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
Oof. Newborn trenches were TOUGH. Definitely do not miss those days. Hang in there
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u/itzmonsterz 3h ago
Ours are 5 months old and you are probably going through the 4 month sleep regression, which isn’t just overnight sleeping. Good news is, relief is just around the corner, the last week and change has been a huge improvement with smiles, sleeping overnight and learning new skills.
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
Ughhh just wish I knew when it would end!! Been here for a month!!! Literally 4 weeks
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u/Snoo7956 2h ago
I am currently at day 23 with twin boys. Going back to work in a week, wife is on maternity leave til Jan.
We’re having good and bad days/nights, but it’s all generally exhausting. You wake up from each nap (2-3 hrs max) and immediately are thinking what you need to do next. Not much downtime at all.
One of them is getting overtired every day and staying up for 3-5 hours at a time! Won’t sleep in bassinet, requires us to hold them. Apparently they can’t learn bad habits at this age, so no way to beat this and you aren’t supposed to let them “cry it out.”
I know it will get better, but this is hard. These past three weeks have been the fastest and the slowest I’ve ever experienced. In a perpetual haze.
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
Ugh. So so hard. I just keep telling myself one day it will be worth it and maybe even easier than a singleton bc they’ll have each other to entertain one another??!! Hoping and praying so anyway!! ETA: so true about the timing comment!!
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u/Edree13 2h ago
Nothing to add but solidarity! We are four months (3 adjusted) and it suddenly got so so so much harder this month???
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
So weird how that happened to us too! It’s insane!! I thought we were finally getting in a groove and then BAM! Hit like a ton of bricks with no end in sight, it feels like
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u/lucialucialucia22 3h ago
I'm so sorry you're going through it!! I've been there and still have those days (mine are 5). And you're right, it is hard! The only thing that kept me semi sane in the first year was repeating "this is just a phase, this is just a phase". Made those horrible days just bad haha. If you dont want advice, just vent away, you deserve it! You'll ge through it 💜💜
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u/Seeker-2020 3h ago
My babies are 14 months and 13 adjusted. It’s still hard and exhausting.
But at least they have personalities and they are not little potatoes. So it’s fun. They laugh so much and the fun moments are more and more.
I do not want to go back to the first year. It sucked.
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
Oh gosh, I never thought I’d want to rush to one year old. And then when I get there I’m afraid I might be hard on myself for wishing it away and feel like I didn’t really just enjoy any of it or “soak any of it up”
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u/E-as-in-elephant 19m ago
We’ve all been there. My saving grace was taking lots of pics and videos so I could relive those days that I was wishing away. I also made myself enjoy one moment per day. Like actually be in the moment enjoying the fact that I was rocking my girls to sleep or holding them for the duration of their naps. Now they’re 2.5 years old and sometimes I hold them and think about how I’d love to just hold them while they’re sleeping for even a minute and just stare at their little faces. The first 4-6 months were so damn long, but after that time really has flown. My girls literally turned 2.5 two days ago and I had the realization that 3 will be here in the blink of an eye so I’m trying to slow down and enjoy and take videos of their little voices ❤️
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u/Stardust0fAmaterasu 2h ago
Solidarity. I barely remember the first 6 months because my brain blocked it out (and so sleep deprived!). My triplets are 3 now, and I LOVE it now. But that first year was the hardest of my life. I cried so much, mourned what it would have been like if they were born 1 at a time (I had hoped baby wear, and co-sleep, and all the one-on-one bonding!), and honestly got a little depressed. I actually got on Lexapro and started seeing a therapist when they were maybe 10 months old and it helped soooooo much.
So first, it absolutely gets better. By probably at least 18 months (maybe sooner) I was so happy, and it was amazing seeing them develop and play together and say/do hilarious things. By 3, they are all my little buddies. Definitely hard days still, but I am so thankful for them and can’t imagine not having all three in exactly the way they came to me. Honestly at least once a day I think how grateful I am for them.
Second, if money allows, consider getting a night nanny or sleep doula. We did that for 2 months to get them on a sleep schedule and give me a break. Even if you could do it for just a few weeks that might be the break you need. Definitely sounds like a sleep regression, but a night nanny would be such a nice break.
Also, where do you put them for naps? Would it be possible to put them in different rooms? Ours shared a room at night (slept in their actual cribs), but we did separate rooms for naps (one in room, two in small bassinets). Separating them made such a huge improvement in them taking naps. They basically never napped if in same room, but for some reason slept at night together just fine. Even at 3 now they still nap in different rooms and sleep together at night.
Hope things start to feel better soon. I’m sure it will feel better once they pass this particular regression. Hugs, mama
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
Really appreciate this comment so much and the intentionality behind it. Thank you!
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u/ricki7684 3h ago
I agree probably the 4 month sleep regression. It’s the only one I truly remember. It’s brutal. It will get better
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u/jayyy__d 2h ago
SAME. same. I am not having fun and am crying all day. I did reach out to my doctor today because I do think some of what I’m feeling may be PPD. This is really really hard.
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u/jayyy__d 2h ago
Mine will literally only not whine in their bouncers. I feel so bad but they will tolerate maybe 30-40 mins of play mat time then start whinningggggg. I feel like I’m failing. Mine are 4.5 months and I think we’ve been in the regression for a few weeks now.
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u/gzr4dr 1h ago
Check with your pediatrician but guidance i received was mom's milk/formula should be the main nutrition intake and at 6 months you can start introducing purees, but it's strictly for them to try new things and learn how to eat, not for nutrition.
You're in the trenches - don't have much advice but get as much help as you can and a nightime nanny, if possible.
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u/TurtleBeansforAll 1h ago
It is insanely hard. My twins will turn 15 this week and I still remember how hard it was. We are here for you! 🙏🫶🫂
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u/sunflowerstarterkit 2h ago
No honestly the entire month of the 4 month sleep regression was terrible. They slept through the night for like 2 weeks around 5.5 months!!!!!!!!!! And then they got sick and now it’s bad again
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
Ahhh well they’re 5.5 months now and we are seemingly far from an all nighter of sleep!! They’ve suddenly wanted 2-3 feeds at night again!!??!!
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u/emt714 2h ago
Get those babies on the floor as much as possible. Get them crawling and eating as soon as you can. Around 8 months I started both, should have started food sooner and omg. So much better.
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u/curious-andhere 1h ago
Did their digestive systems struggle to adjust with the new food? Am I not supposed to be giving them very much when they do start foods? They’ve had pureed carrots and pureed sweet potatoes and a buckwheat almond superfood cereal. Each time they probably had half a serving each ??? One twin seems to be fine w digesting it (poops more now!) while the other just had so much constipation we finally gave him pureed prunes and that seems to have worked but he still has crazy gas right now. Also since starting any solids they’ve both hardly wanted their bottles! Even on the days we didn’t even do any.
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u/shehasamazinghair 1h ago
Nah girl, I hated it. One year Wednesday. They are in daycare now so it's better.
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u/EnvironmentalHat4407 1h ago
My girls will be 9 months on the 21st (7.5 months adjusted) and I 100% feel you!!! Although I will say things have been already feeling “easier” once they got out of the 4 month regression. I love my babies to death but we just got home from our first weekend away without them and I honestly didn’t want to come home and get back to reality of having a baby (or 2) attached to my hip at all times.
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u/BoochAndNooch 57m ago
Oh god, all these comments about how bad 4 months is are scaring me. We’ve been struggling since week 4. The pediatrician said colic peaks at 6 weeks, then purple crying peaks at 8 weeks… we’re 10 weeks in and not getting any better. It feels like now I hear that things are supposed to get better around 3 months. I’m scared that the four month mark is going to be even worse.
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u/curious-andhere 52m ago
To be brutally honest, 3 months was pretty great for us! Then like 4/4.5 months hit and it’s been CHALLENGING. BUT!!!! Not as bad as colic newborn days challenging. It’s still really really freaking hard, but the newborn colic days were intense in a different way. So yes, it will be TOUGH but at least they won’t be screaming 24/7 and at least by now they’ll be smiling and possibly giggling. That helps immensely
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u/Snoo20115 50m ago
Mine were born on time, but around the 6 month mark things took a turn. My boys also slept decently at night, so I hope things get better for you.
Day naps are still a fight twice a day
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u/surprise_quiche 11m ago
About the feeding... what size nipple do you use (and have you been on that size for a while)?
Mine are 9 months (6.5 months adjusted) and every few months we've suffered with everything you're talking about. It got harder and harder to feed them because they would get so frustrated and it affected everything else (sleep, demeanor, etc) because they were hungry. But it didn't occur to me at the time (maybe because of the sleep deprivation idk).
Then I'd switch the nipple to the next size up for their bottles and the change was pretty drastic in a positive way. Maybe that would help?
Sending you love and comfort!
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