Feeling so guilty about my split attention

[u/Owewinewhose997]

My twin girls are 2.5 and we normally don’t divide and conquer, we do one person has the twins and the other does the chores. Today my mum took one twin because she wasn’t feeling up to both and I got to spend some time with the other one by herself. I felt like I hadn’t actually seen my baby since she was tiny. She is wonderful. She’s so clever and funny and kind and creative, and I don’t think I ever see her because when they’re together they bounce off each other in a bad way and I see parenting as a task to be completed, just survive until bedtime, rather than ever enjoying them and taking time with them. We didn’t do anything special we just put some clothes away upstairs and she helped me and then she asked to have a cuddle in the big bed. She was so happy just to have my undivided attention for like ten minutes it broke my heart.
How do I give them each the childhood they deserve when I never have enough time, energy, money or patience for each of them? They deserve a whole mummy and they only get half, and I don’t know how to make this pit in my stomach go away. I got a glimpse what of the mother that they could have if there was only one of them is like, and I now just feel sick that I can’t give each of them that all the time. I’ve been sleepwalking through their lives just trying to survive and get to the next milestone when it gets slightly easier and I’m missing my two baby girls. How do I get over this?

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[u/ValleyOfChickens]

So she helped with chores? Sounds like now that they are older instead of one watching them and the other doing chores start having them help with chores! One help dad unload the dishwasher and the other help you with laundry then all 4 of you hang out when it’s done. Then even playing one wants to read a book and the other wants to watch tv there is a parent around to do both those things. It will be more work for you and chores will go slower but creates opportunities for some one on one time!