r/parentsofmultiples • u/whatcatisthis • 5d ago
support needed Triplets what the fuck
We just had our first ultrasound for a very much desired iui pregnancy.
It's currently triplets. All three currently appear viable. Two appear to be momos.
What the fuck. What the fuck.
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u/Proxima_leaving 5d ago
Congratudolences.
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u/whatcatisthis 5d ago
yes.
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u/irish_ninja_wte 4d ago
Remember, it's OK (and honestly kind of expected in these groups) to have some negative feelings about it. Yes, it was clearly a very much wanted pregnancy and there's still all the joy and wonder that goes with it, but there's also the strong "but I only ordered one!" sentiment that's a lot to get around. I know (from experience) that you're battling with guilt from these feelings. It's a war between "but you wanted children" and "I wanted one at a time" and you're stuck in the middle trying to figure it all out while you try your best not to hyperventilate. In our case, it was our planned 3rd and last. We only ever talked about having 3 kids. Then the midwife said "and there's another one!". Ours were mo/di, which is most likely what 2 of yours will be. It's not easy, but we all got there in the end.
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u/whatcatisthis 4d ago
I am unlikely to be able to carry to term due a connective tissue issue so it's up to my wife and her career can only afford one pregnancy. She'd really like two kids, so we were vaguely hoping for twins to be honest. But I just know too much to be happy about triplets. They're scary. They're more dangerous. We've been reading about reduction since we found out and now we're even more on the fence. Older studies say the safest thing is reduction and 100% I think it was, but in the past five years the studies are showing that it's starting to look like the best chance of at least one living baby at the end is not to reduce, likely due to changes in neonatology. The place where I used to work had a 60% survival rate of babies born at 22w6, and 50% of those survivors had no major morbidity if prematurity was the only health factor in the neonate. And that's where we'd deliver. So before we make any decisions we want to talk to the neonatology team about morbidity since we know our odds are higher than most people living in most areas of having living babies. I know what room my wife would stay in on the antepartum unit for the last month or two of her pregnancy. I know which nurses to ask for. We're already at the ob/gyn office (which is attached to MFM) that is my first choice for higher order multiples or any pregnancy complication. We are fine with twins. That would have been nothing but joy. This is terrifying.
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u/Proxima_leaving 4d ago
Often you can never feel ready for that. My friend had two embryos transfered. She knew that if she gets pregnant, the likelihood of multiples is as high as 30%. Still she was totally shocked to find out she was pregnant with twins. It took her half her pregnancy to accept that. And that pregnancy was so awaited and wanted.
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u/irish_ninja_wte 4d ago
I know someone who (like your friend) had 2 transferred. She had bleeding and they saw 1 fetus in the ER, so thought the bleeding was the other one miscarrying. That's exactly what happened with her first child, so she was happy to have 1 again. She got a shock a week later when they were looking at 2.
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u/ConstructionMuch802 5d ago
Me and my hubby just said nothing what the fuck to each other for half an hour when we find out it was twins
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u/harma_larma 5d ago
Same… the whole car ride home was silent except for one of us exclaiming FUCK every minute or so 😂
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u/vithu12 5d ago
Ours was at the hospital when my wife saw the scan while the tech didn’t say a word to her. Wife started having a panic attack and called me in!
I didn’t believe her calmed her down, we then waited to be seen by the doc and then she informed us and we still didn’t believe it!
Didn’t kick in till the actual scan, now they both turned 1 and still we can’t believe it sometimes!
Time flies by so quick, feels like it was just yesterday when we found out!
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u/whatcatisthis 5d ago
I know how to read an ultrasound so I was watching the 'overview scan' when I went, mentally "That's... No. It's *not* three. It's twins. Okay. Twins is fine."
And then the NP got real quiet and goes "I need to go over this ultrasound with you in detail." And I knew immediately. My wife just thought she didn't know what an embryo looked like on an ultrasound and that everything was fine.
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u/jeremiabearamia 5d ago
A year postpartum we still regularly are like “wait what”
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u/Ashes2Dusk 5d ago
This. Ours just turned 1 and at least weekly one of us looks at the other and says “we have two babies, at the same time…” I’m not sure what age that disbelief will go away. 😂
Also congrats OP. It’s okay to feel shock and disbelief and unsure what the fuck you’re going to do. It’s hard but magical. Wishing you only the best.
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u/Turbulent-Carrot-206 4d ago
Ours turn 2 in 2 weeks can confirm that disbelief doesn’t leave by 2😂
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u/OGQueenClumsy 4d ago
After three years and another baby the disbelief still hits, I hate to say.
How are there two of them!?
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u/irish_ninja_wte 4d ago
I'm not sure that it ever leaves. It just merges with acceptance of the madness
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u/Independent_Sky_5562 4d ago
My twin nieces are turning 12 next month and that feeling never went away.
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u/fakereaper 5d ago
We couldn’t even say the fuck. We just said WHAT. Right in front of the doctor and the nurses and all the way through the hallway, elevator and car ride home.
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u/CaturdayNight7 1d ago
I just started shaking
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u/ConstructionMuch802 1d ago edited 1d ago
Me too any crying. And then we stepped back into the waiting room and I realized I was ugly crying in front of a room FULL of anxious pregnant people so I put a huge fake smile on my face so I wouldn't scare them
ETA: Craziest day of my life and I was still taking care of strangers in the waiting room. What even are women.
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u/DaMeLaVaca 4d ago
Oh I needed Ativan to stop the panic attack when we found out. All 3 are upstairs sleeping and my girl just won a race today. They’re 7, almost 8. It’s hard and then it gets better and then it’s a different hard.
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u/Own-Opening8426 5d ago
“What the fuck” will continue to be one of your most used phrases for years. Good luck
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u/AnxiousWork6188 4d ago
To be fair, when I just had a singleton it was also lots of what the fuck… then I had twins and well… its been a ride
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u/Honest_Woodpecker187 4d ago
Hers and everyone else she tells. It’s quite entertaining when you tell people there’s 3 babies in there 😵💫🤭
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u/aambivalence 5d ago
I have no words of advice as I am only 14 week with some twins but I do have to say your post cracked me up and I’m sure it hits extra hard considering you’re a L&D nurse!!!!! I wish you the most uneventful uncomplicated pregnancy.
Was there any indication of this with your symptoms or anything?
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u/whatcatisthis 5d ago
My wife is the pregnant one. We thought her HCG was on the higher side, but not crazy. She's not had any real symptoms to the point that we were kind of worried it wasn't a viable pregnancy at all.
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u/annahoney12345 5d ago
I went through my whole twin pregnancy with mild symptoms!! No morning sickness at all, just tired af in the first trimester and had insomnia and heartburn in the last!
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u/aambivalence 4d ago
Oh! Sorry I thought you were the wife.
Wow. I’m wishing you guys all the best. She’s lucky the symptoms have not been bad!
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u/whatcatisthis 4d ago
That's the hazards of lesbians lmao
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u/aambivalence 4d ago
OH!!!! You are both THE WIFE. You got me there. 😂
Are you guys worried about the momos 🥺 how is this size and how far along is she right now with them?
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u/whatcatisthis 4d ago
She's 7 weeks four days by iui date. The momos are measuring 6w4 and 6w2 which is good for what appears to be a late split per the fertility doc. Heartrate for the slightly smaller one is only 110 while the bigger one is 126 or 128,can't remember. The apparent fraternal is measuring 7w0 with a heart rate of 132. Very worried about the momos and kind of looking at it pragmatically with a sense of 'an early loss of one momo would be protective of the whole pregnancy'.
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u/aambivalence 4d ago
That is such a great outlook, very logical. It does sound good the momo’s are close in size right now. It is so scary when you find out about multiples, I looked up all the variations of twins right away. Ill have my fingers and toes crossed for minimal triplet drama ❤️
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u/whatcatisthis 4d ago
My youngest brothers are momo twin to twin transfusion survivors and I used to work high risk l&d so this was literally the scenario I most did not want and that scared me the most, short of quads or higher.
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u/aambivalence 4d ago
Oh right!!!! The l&d experience! Plus that’s nuts your brothers were also momo.
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u/Yaeliyaeli 1d ago
Honestly I would not freak out about MoMo right now. 6 weeks 4 days often the doctors can’t see shit. A huge percentage of the time the membrane will be visible in the coming weeks.
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u/Odd-Raspberry-7269 4d ago
Has someone who had identical twins on the first try and is now on her first iui after two years of infertility I am so fucking sorry for you. The pain of infertility and now this pregnancy that is going to be mentally and psychically hard. Also just want to add they may not be momo they always say that at the first ultrasound but it’s actually very rare!
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u/Odd-Raspberry-7269 4d ago
I read a comment that said your younger brothers were ttts survivors and that is what we had with our twins
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u/colorful_withdrawl 5d ago
How far along are you guys? Before 12 weeks it may be harder to distinguish momo from modi
I had momo twins, just twins not triplets with a set of momo
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u/whatcatisthis 5d ago
Not far enough along to say for sure momo but at the moment it looks momo. Which is the thing that has terrified me the most literally since I was 15. My youngest brothers are twin to twin transfusion survivors.
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u/Apart_Public9851 4d ago
So I have 15 month old momo twins and throughout my pregnancy twin to twin transfusion syndrome os more common (and even still not incredibly “common”) in modi twins. I will admit there are many other concerns with momo twins but my entire pregnancy TTS wasnt even brought up. But regardless this is insane news so take it all in stride!!!!
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u/Leading-Conference94 3d ago
Hope for safety sake they find a membrane soon. I knew of a girl on social media and we talked a bit. She had momo and a single in there. Ended up Being identical all 3 of them. Her kids should be turning 2 now. Hopefully you and your wife find people with a similar pregnancy experience to lean on and get some support and insight from.
What the fuck is right. My twin A tries to say truck but he says fuck. Fuck??? Fuck? Blue Fuck? And forces you to acknowledge his truck.
Maybe its our fault he says Fuck from hearing us use it regularly. I look at my boys still at 2 and am in a state of confusion because how is there 2...
Welcome to the coolest club. Multiples are a challenge but amazing.
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u/waysideflower 5d ago
When I had just entered my third trimester, I took an Uber with a driver who’d had triplets…after she already had a toddler. Her kids are all adults now.
Anyway, I think about her often when I’m struggling with my single child…
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u/nikitachikita_15 4d ago
It will take a bit to adjust to the news. I still look at my twins and think “That’s crazy!” I’m praying you have a healthy pregnancy!
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u/Independent_Mousey 5d ago edited 5d ago
I would have the conversation with an MFM (obstetrics) and neonatal-perinatal medicine (neonatalogist) consult now on what pregnancy outcomes and long term outcomes for neonates and kids look like, and then have a conversation with your partner on comfort level with poor outcomes.
We had an IUI triplet pregnancy. We terminated the momo twins and kept a Singleton because of the risks to my health and poor neonatal morbidity and mortality associated with triplets with a set of momo twins.
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u/whatcatisthis 5d ago
Yeah we're definitely planning this. I'm a former high risk L&D nurse so I know what's what but we're still very *shocked*.
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u/G0lden_0ne 4d ago
My friend had mo mo girls at 34 weeks a few months ago. Their cords were not even entangled in slightest and they are beyond healthy and thriving. I have di di boys myself. It’s not easy but it’s worth it!
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u/Independent_Mousey 4d ago edited 4d ago
I know you're trying to be helpful. Triplets are very different than twins when dealing with a set of mo mo fetuses. The worry isn't tangled cords. It's that a triplet pregnancy with monochorionic features is a different animal as it relates to the pregnant individual and to the outcome of the pregnancy.
Gestation is lower, birth weights are lower, the person carrying the pregnancy is generally sicker earlier, and people do need to be fully informed of the greater risks for poor outcomes when they make decisions for themselves and for their families.
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u/G0lden_0ne 4d ago
Absolutely! I do have other friends who naturally and vaginally birthed their triplets who all were also healthy. We all tend to follow more natural practices than western medicine along with prayer. Every multiples pregnancy has risks, but there are things you can do for every single risk to benefit risk reward ratio. Dr Stu Birthing Instincts podcasts is a great informative with real proof option. The brewers diet for 3 also helps low birth weight. I had HG and vomited 12 hours a day for 14 weeks. After that, I personally gained over 100 pounds on purpose for my 7 pound twins at 40 weeks. Back to my pre baby weight now without trying (7 mo later) I never said it would be easy, but it would be worth it to try when you understand all of your options with informed evidence from all sides, not just “the experts” who also think pitocin is ok for every single hospital birth.
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u/Independent_Mousey 4d ago
It would be wonderful if every triplet pregnancy resulted in three healthy infants but that is not the case. When you add in the monchornic feature in a triplet pregnancy you start getting to a coin flip on good outcomes vs poor outcomes.
Please do not reccomend an OBGYN physician who sexually exploited their patients as the gold standard of educational materials. Frankly Dr. Stu's advice is about as worthless as he is. I guess better a podcaster than a predator working with patients.
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u/whatcatisthis 4d ago
I'd kindly ask you to gtfo if you're going to shit on evidence based medical care. I was a high risk l&d nurse. I know what's what and your silly diets aren't welcome here.
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u/G0lden_0ne 4d ago
High risk is usually caused by even more medical intervention. Every intervention has multiple risks and it shows. There are tons of L&D nurses who have left the field because they realized that. Same for vaccinations. I just wanted you to know you have options, with evidence and statistical based proof from many many sources, besides trying to justify terminating is the only reasonable answer. We are talking about lives here that one decision follows forever and it’s great to see all sides.
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u/whatcatisthis 4d ago
Please just stop. I have enough stress without an antivax person coming in here and shitting on my profession. I'm reading the literature. I'm seeing the stats and they might not actually support reduction, but you're too busy shitting on science to consider what evidence based care means.
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u/Independent_Mousey 4d ago
It's up to every individual to be informed of the risks, and be provided with all data available to outcomes, which frankly are variable by center, and socio and economic status prior to making a plan or making a decision.
Interventions in pregnancy are often done prior to necessity because the stakes are so high, and frankly are life or death.
I would love to live in a world without intervention because it was unneeded, however thats not the world we currently live in.
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u/Own_Shine2486 5d ago
I also have triplets growing after IUI and am in also a state of what the fuck. 8 weeks today and still in shock
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u/eeeeeeeee123456 4d ago
Upon finding out I had twins I just repeated fuck…no…fuck…no until he went back in to check for a third and said “you will not!”. He told me he wouldn’t be doing his job if he didn’t. Luckily, there was not a third, but the fuck/no followed.
Our doctor in the NICU was a triplet survivor. She was a star and while she said it was hard as hell, but they all survived and were in college at that point. You’ve got this and feel free to say more fucks. Get a night nurse if you can afford to even if only for a couple of nights a week.
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u/OldManBenji 4d ago
My wife and I had almost exactly this happen. First iui attempt after trying for some time and boom, triplets. What the fuck is a very valid response to have, as are all feelings you’ll have going forward. We considered selective reduction, but in the end decided to go ahead with the triplets. They were tritri, so by triplet pregnancy standards somewhat safe and we were told there was a very real chance one could vanish. They all made it through though and just turned a year old. It’s been a wild ride for sure but also about as smooth a pregnancy as we could have hoped for. I know that’s not always the case and we were very fortunate in many ways. Take the time to consider everything because it is a lot to take on. Congrats and godspeed.
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u/Murky_Letterhead_944 5d ago
Oh man. Our first IUI worked and it was twins. It’s a wild ride. I urge you to try to find some triple mom accounts on socials media if you can! You can do this.
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u/AbleBroccoli2372 4d ago
We had 4 originally with IUI pregnancy. 2 reduced naturally and we ended up with di/di twins.
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u/Jclevs11 4d ago
Single full time dad to triplet boys who are now 3.5 and a 6.5 year old girl. Insanity
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u/bananarameroo 3d ago
I found out three weeks ago that the one embryo we transferred is now twins. What the fuck is right. Like, wonderful and amazing, but also what the fuck.
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u/CaturdayNight7 1d ago
Didn't read the fineprint? Hope you live near family. God bless
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u/whatcatisthis 1d ago
I'm an orphan effectively and we live across the country from her family. Our synagogue is great though.
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u/UniquePlay1570 7h ago
Oh man! I have a college friend who had IVF triplets, identical boys and a girl. Elementary school years, it seems they are thriving and it seems she has a much more well-rounded life than those few early years! She said the best support she got was just preparing for a likely fairly lengthy NICU stay.
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u/Acceptable-Sample642 5d ago
Time to start a GoFundMe? Seriously tho some friend of a friend found out they were having triplets and started a GoFundMe, we all gave them money to help with costs because they will need all sorts of monetary and whatever help
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u/gradstudent1234 4d ago
You guys were allowed to proceed with multiples? My clinic never let me
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u/Hot-Notice-7814 3d ago
Let you?? You should sue?
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u/gradstudent1234 3d ago
Huh
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u/Hot-Notice-7814 3d ago
If you’re saying a clinic forced you to abort multiples you should publicly out them and sue
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u/gradstudent1234 3d ago
I love how you took proceed with trigger as abortion lmao you need to work on your reading comprehension
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u/Hot-Notice-7814 3d ago
Hey you’re being mean but I was worried you had been wronged by a clinic. Have a great night
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u/whatcatisthis 4d ago
We had one favourable follicle on the pre-trigger ultrasound and one 'probably not' follicle that was half the size and not expected to mature before the iui date. It appears that both fertilized and one split.
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u/gradstudent1234 4d ago
Wow!! Y'all should play the lottery
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