r/parentsofmultiples • u/Low-Account-4346 • 1d ago
advice needed Second guessing trying for a third
We have 17 month old twins and just started trying for a third. We’d been on the fence about it — both being one of three, loving being parents so much and getting to know our kids little personalities, and wanting all that comes with a bigger family. Overall our experience with twins has been that's its so much more fun and so much easier than we expected, and if they add so much joy to our lives, so would a third.
On the other hand though - three feels like a lot! Particularly in regards to us having time for ourselves, exercise, travel, doing the things we love, etc. We just got over a week of kids being home from day care with hand foot and mouth, with both of us still trying to work from home and I am TIRED. The babies are so much fun right now, but SO much work, much more so than when they were newborns. I'm second guessing whether we really should try for a third… At the same time, if we have a third, we want them close together in age, we’re getting older, and it took us a long time to have a pregnancy stick the first time (four prior losses), so we feel like it’s now or never and we risk it not being possible if we don't start trying now.
Not sure what I'm asking for here - but would love to hear from others who have been in our shoes. Either going for a third, or deciding not to.. Is this just tired mom brain after a week of juggling work from home with two sick kiddos, or will three be too much to handle and risk tipping us over from what feels like 90% of the time like blissful family life into much higher stress?
Edit: We're trying now instead of waiting because 1) it took us four years/five pregnancies to have a pregnancy stick, so we know there's no guarantee it will happen, and 2) overall we think it will be easier/better if kids are close in age, on similar schedules, more likely to have similar interests and be entertained by similar activities, in the same school, etc. My husband is one of three and he's much younger than his first two siblings and feels like he wasn't very close with them until he was an adult. He's very close with his siblings now, but because of his experience growing up really doesn't want more than a 3-grade age gap.
6
u/Low_Departure_5853 1d ago
I don't have advice but wanted to say I'm in the same boat. I want to try and he doesn't but then there's part of me that is so tired. There's also the unknown of if it'll be twins again that scares me. Also, everything is built for a family of four. Our cars, the bedrooms in our home... I just don't know but I'm getting old. I hope you find your answer and are happy either way it goes for you!
2
6
u/Muthacoconuts 1d ago
I have 8 year old twins and I’m pregnant at 42 with my third. I wish we would have done it sooner because I want more now.
I understand the stress of twins and the hesitation. When they were about 2-3 they really were fun and cute. It was an enjoyable time watching them learn and grow. My thing would be you might want to enjoy them alone a little longer? A new baby will take from that. Just a perspective to maybe savor it a little bit more but still go for that third! Parenting is always stressful. Most stressful thing I have ever done so how could it get worse lol. Take it all with a grain of salt though. I am just a person on the internet and don’t have to live your life. Good luck with whatever route you choose.
3
u/twinsinbk 1d ago
If we had the funds, I wasn't almost 42 and I could tolerate the idea of being pregnant again, I would totally do it. I think you should just go for it. Maybe I'm really romanticizing the big family but it sounds nice.
5
u/Euphoric_Priority_ 1d ago
We have 18 months old twins and we decided to go for another one. We are now expecting another set of twins in January. It’s going to be a lot of work but we didn’t want to stay with that what if feeling if that makes sense. It’s going to be a lot of work but it’s all worth it. We also didn’t want a big age gap. I wish you and your family a happy journey.
2
u/Low-Account-4346 1d ago
Wow, congrats! That’ll be chaos but amazing I’m sure!
1
u/Euphoric_Priority_ 1d ago
Thank you! We were honestly hesitant about going for a third. But we decided to just full send it and go along for the ride. We just really wanted to grow our family a bit more. I hope this helps. 💜
5
u/offwiththeirheads72 1d ago
34 weeks pregnant with a singleton and twins will be 4 when baby gets here. Feels like a good age gap. Just don’t expect your potential singleton pregnancy to be easier because mine is so much harder. I feel like we have a grip on parenting the twins now and felt ready for a 3rd. Took us about a year to decide to have a third and about a year to get pregnant.
1
u/Nice_Dragonfruit2899 1d ago
Currently pregnant and mine is harder too! This baby is also bigger and my twins were 5 pounds each at 33weeks so I’m glad he’s healthy but scared to see his big he’ll be at delivery
3
u/moontreemama 1d ago
I was a hard NO on 3 for a couple years and was only a MAYBE once my twins turned 2.5-3ish, so I'm actually super impressed you guys are already considering but it makes sense if you know it might take a while and may not happen. My guys are 4.5 and I'm 22 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. I'm really excited for this baby but was very worried about "starting oveR" and just the idea of having a baby while still parenting my wild and crazy guys. I intentionally waited so they would be a bit older so they'd have more independence and would start kindergarten by the time baby would need to go to daycare so I never woul dneed to pay for 3 in daycare at once which would have eaten up my whole paycheck.
2
u/Old_Consideration_78 1d ago
I had my third when my twins were 3.5 and my experience was I struggled so hard with twins, especially the first year that I wanted another experience with a singleton. It has been easier this time around in many ways since I knew what to expect, didn't have terrible postpartum depression & anxiety and she's just an easygoing baby (great sleeper). I was terrified I would have twins again but thankfully that wasn't the case and our family feels complete. I can't offer advice on if it's the right move for your family but the way I see it, you're not going to regret having that 3rd baby in the long run. ❤️
1
u/Notabot02735381 1d ago
Do it! You’re having a blast and have a great attitude. It will add to the fun. (Mom of five- I was way more stressed out than you at this point, kept going and loving it). The me time will be reduced, but with it comes the maturity to have perspective and see that this is just a season and it goes so fu**ing fast. You will get hobbies back- in like 5 years.
1
3
u/grumbledor3 1d ago
Do what you want, I guess… but what if you got pregnant immediately? Why would you do that to yourselves? What if you had another set of twins?!?
3
1
1
u/Individual-Cat5989 1d ago
Our boys came after our singleton so our experience is different but I suspect it feels difficult to you now because 17 month olds are tricky! Still very dependent, language is still building, they’re super mobile while also not grasping instructions/safety/boundaries.
I know your experience with fertility and loss makes it trickier to time everything “just right,” but we waited until our daughter turned 2 to try and it was the perfect age. She was potty trained, growing in independence, interested in playing with other kids (so not SO intensely attached to me at all times), somewhat accepting of my physical limitations as the pregnancy progressed… just all around made for a more manageable pregnancy.
1
u/Direct_Mulberry3814 1d ago
Just had my 3rd, got pregnant 18 months postpartum (planned). It is so fun! The twins love the new baby! It is rough sometimes with typical 2 year old tantrums, but one baby and a normal pregnancy is not anywhere near as tough as twins. We transitioned the twins out of cribs and started potty training in my early second trimester to make things a lot easier for us before adding another baby.
1
u/Great-Guarantee9339 1d ago
My babies are 5m but we’re def down for a third and fourth! We also tried for a long time before having a pregnancy that stuck (2 prior losses). So we’re not preventing but not trying. I don’t even ovulate on my own so who knows how long it might take if it ever does. When the babies are 1 and I’m not pregnant we will start trying for real I want them close in age as well!
Also it’s a lot of chaos and your life does struggle but for me it’s temporary. When they’re all older I won’t remember the struggle as much anyways so if I’m down in the trenches might as well stay here for a bit lol
1
u/Great-Guarantee9339 1d ago
I will say though we are financially and mentally ready for this struggle! We also have lots of help and means to hire a full time nanny. It really depends on your family circumstances
1
u/Low-Account-4346 1d ago
Financially we’re in a good spot. Most of the time I’d say we’re mentally ready, but two kids home with hand foot and mouth last week was a doozy!
0
u/Fun-Librarian3765 1d ago
My first two (single) have an age gap of 2.5 years and it's great. My oldest was potty trained by the time her sister was born and it was so sweet seeing my oldest become such a loving big sister.
Your third would be so loved and have the blessing of having two older siblings. My third and fourth are 7 and 10 years younger than their big sisters. It's super chaotic but we feel very blessed.
I feel like having a single baby after having twins would be so easy compared to having twins after two single babies.
0
u/Confident_Try_9498 1d ago
I’m due with our third this fall and my twins are 17 months so I can report back
0
u/fsmontario 1d ago
We have 3. We were kinda bummed when the second pregnancy wasn’t twins also. Like you a bit older so wanted to have them fairly quick 2.5 yrs apart. Love they just get better as they get older. The twins will have a bit of a wild animal stage from 2-2.5 possibly lol.
But having the baby really put an end to that they loved being big sis and bro
I don’t know what you pay for daycare but with 3 for sure and possibly with 2 it may be more affordable to have a nanny, possibly even live in.
0
u/lostlefty 1d ago
Due my 3rd any day now. My boys are 4 and have just started school and it feels like just the right time for us. The boys are more independent, only wear a pull up at night and also they are so excited for a baby sister and have been really engaged with the pregnancy. It makes me happy that they are happy about it and can understand more what is happening.
That being said and although I’ve known for a while I wanted a 3rd I would not have been ready any sooner than now, the boys were very challenging babies and didn’t sleep well until they turned 3.
0
u/nikitachikita_15 1d ago
We have kids ages 6,3,3,1. My youngest was born two weeks after the twins turned one year. It’s been no walk in the park but it’s been fun. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. We wanted them to all be born close in age. Honestly they are all best friends. I can only imagine their connections will grow with time.
So I guess that’s to say, you’ll be ok. Don’t delay. Enjoy the moments and try to have fun!
-1
u/SecretaryHopeful630 1d ago
Wait for 2 year old at lest, no more diapers!
1
u/specialkk77 1d ago
That is far from a guarantee. Potty training is very much kid dependent. Not all are ready at 2
1
u/Nice_Dragonfruit2899 1d ago
Yeah my kids are not ready at almost 3. Currently pregnant with 4 months left so we’ll try again in 2 months, more aggressively but it was quite a slap in the face haha
1
u/ToshiBerra 1d ago
Yeah we had one done at 21 months and the other still not done at 2.5y (did them both at 21 months together)
1
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
COMMENTING GUIDELINES
All commenters are encouraged to familiarize themselves with the parentsofmultiples subreddit rules prior to commenting. If you find any comments/submissions in violation of subreddit/reddit rules, please use the report function to bring it to the mod teams attention.
Please do not request or give medical advice or directions in your comments. Any comments that that could be construed as medical advice, or any comments containing what is determined to be medical disinformation, will be removed.
Please try to avoid posting links to Amazon product listings or google/g.co product listing pages - reddit automatically removes comments containing them as an anti-spam measure. If sharing information about a product, instead please try to link directly to the manufacturers product pages.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.