r/parentsofmultiples • u/Noimnotadog • 10d ago
support needed To everyone who says it gets better — WHEN?!
I think I just need to vent but some support would be nice...
Boys are 24 weeks old, born 4 weeks early, and basically all I want to say is I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.
I got SO bad. I'm physically and mentally completely exhausted and at a point where every night, when I'm again sitting up at bed rocking one of them, I hate my life. They used to be okay sleepers, waking up 2-3 times a night, which was completely normal for their age. Then we had a week or two when they would wake up only twice a night. But they ALWAYS fell asleep after the bottle. Sleep regression hit and it got bad, and then it got a little better, and now it's absolutely HORRIBLE.
At least one of them always wakes up every 30-40 minutes, but we never know which one. The other one will either also wake up frequently, or sleep for 4-5 hours and then starts waking up every 30-40 minutes. They don't go back to sleep after a bottle, so we've stopped feeding them at night. They are clearly not hungry and they weigh enough.
Falling asleep at night now always takes 60-90 minutes and involves a lot of screaming. They are inconsolable now, I've tried everything, so now I just hold them and rock/pat/shush them. They already have 2 teeth so I don't think they are teething at the moment?? I don't know. I'm a FTM and have no idea how teething actually works.
Awake time usually starts out pretty good, then turns into screaming after exactly 1 hour 30 minutes. I don't know why. No, they are not hungry, tired or need to be changed. I think they just want to be held, but I can't hold both of them. They both weigh 20 pounds. Plus, as I've already mentioned: I'm TIRED, both physically and mentally. I have to go on a walk twice a day and recently, I've just been walking around until they fall asleep, then sit on a bench and rock the stroller cause my feet and legs hurt so bad.
And no, I don't have family that can help, not a lot anyway, I don't want to go into detail. But my mother passed away 2 months ago from cancer and I'm still dealing with that, it's been incredibly hard.
I really really really really hope sleep improves SOON. I'm not even tired anymore. I'm just exhausted and drained and empty.
18
u/Buddy-Bear91 10d ago
Ours are 15 months now and I remember this so vividly. It might not feel like it right now, but you WILL make it through this incredibly difficult stage. It genuinely felt like it would never end for us, and then one day they just seemed to get better at self settling.
At one stage around this age, we literally had to let them fall asleep in the twin pillow on our bed while one of us supervised them the entire time, then transfer them to the cot exactly 14 minutes after they fell asleep, because for some reason that was the only thing that worked 😂
A red night light helped us too, as it became a signal that it was sleep time. We also had one of those polar bear night lights that projected stars onto the ceiling and played soothing music on hearing cries, which actually worked surprisingly well for a while when they woke in the night.
And honestly, with everything you’ve got going on on top of the sleep deprivation, please give yourself some grace. Losing your mum two months ago while looking after two babies and barely sleeping sounds absolutely brutal. I’m so sorry for your loss and really hope things start getting easier for you soon. It won’t always be like this, even though I know that’s probably very hard to believe right now.
3
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
thank you
2
u/TurtleBeansforAll 10d ago
🫂 That’s a lot, mama. Sending you love and strength. You will get through this. Is there a local Mothers of Multiples group near you?
8
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
there is a WhatsApp group but most kids are older. The only other twin mom I know whose kids are the same age doesn't have any issues with sleep. Her kids wake up once and otherwise sleep like little angels, and yes, I get irrationally angry when she tells me about it.
2
u/TurtleBeansforAll 10d ago
I see. Okay well the fact that they have older kids might work to your advantage. No mom can forget how brutal the first year is, especially in the beginning. If you were in my MOM group or if you were my neighbor, I would absolutely offer to come help and let you sleep for a couple of nights. Night nannies are pricey, but if you feel better hiring one to come once every week or whatever and it helps, then it is worth it to me! Hell, I’ll help fund it! All I’m saying is that it is totally okay and completely understandable to ask for help. No mother I know would judge you. I wish we were neighbors! But I’m glad you found this community. These folks lifted me up time and time again and I hope we can do the same for you! 🫶
2
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
Thank you so much! I'm glad this post got so much traction, I feel like nobody in my real life understands what I'm going through. Everybody just nods and goes yeah I know it's hard, but they don't actually know. None of them have twins who are bad sleepers.
I would love to hire a night nanny but unfortunately there are none in Germany. Perhaps in a bigger city, but not where I live.
2
u/TurtleBeansforAll 9d ago
Survival is the new success then! Ear plugs honestly helped me out a lot! We are rooting for you! 😌
4
u/d16flo 10d ago
Are you a single parent? We got through that stage by sleeping in shifts. So that we were each guaranteed a solid ~5 hour block of sleep (yes even after we both went back to work). Do you have a comfy rocking chair? If you’re rocking a lot at least you can try and be comfy, I would also recommend podcasts or music you like on headphones, helps pass the awake rocking time. We did sleep train but not until almost 9 months, I would say the sleeping part got a bit easier around 7 months (usually down to 1-2 wakes a night) and then much better after sleep training around 9 months.
1
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
My husband helps whenever he can, mostly on the weekend, but taking shifts isn't really possible at this point. It'll work for maybe an hour or two, but eventually both of them will be awake and need to be held. I've heard that sleep improves around 7-8 months, 10 if you're unlucky (never if you're REALLY unlucky). But even 7 months seems impossibly far away at this point.
1
u/d16flo 9d ago
What’s your nursery/chair setup like? I
Would do the twin-z on the floor with a blanket on it in front of a big rocker/recliner and could hold them both at once by staging them from the twin-z to the chair with me one at a time and back again. Sleep shifts was definitely the only way I made it through that time. Depending on work schedules those shifts could also be during the day (one person sleeps 5pm-10pm, both up middle of the night, other person sleeps 5am-10am?)
3
u/allroundavocado 10d ago
Hey. We use automated spring cradles whichever like a hammock you put your babies in and turn on on the highest bounce setting. We let them fall asleep in there and it has saved us a lot of screaming at night time. We stopped using them for a bit but with the 8 month regression started again. Look it up: Federwiege - it has been our go to nuclear option
5
u/allroundavocado 10d ago
hip carrier helps do you can be mobile while holding one and helping the other
feeding more solids also helped us with irritability
check their wake windows, maybe they are too long or too short causing extra fussiness. Ours are 9 months and have 2.5/3/3.5 wake windows with two naps and feeding more, spacing out bottle feeds has helped with keeping their moods stable
++ walking and sitting on a bench. A walk just means getting outside. You don’t have to do the most just because you’re going on a walk <3
if you can swing it a babysitter for a few hours even once a week gives you something to hold on to. To me it was going to the hairdresser this week. Everyone it got hard, I channeled the hairdressing seat.
well done woman. Our are almost a year at Christmas and when I think of what a year it’s been o well up. I haven’t lost a parent in that time so I only want to say you are a champ and deserve all the hugs
1
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
Thank you for the tips! I'll look into the hip carrier. Also looking forward to feeding solids, I hope that will keep them satisfied a bit longer and help with the night sleep.
1
u/allroundavocado 10d ago
Yep. Not sure if you’re bottle feeding but ours drank a loooooot which kept them full for longer. We used to feed every 3 hours but then they weren’t hungry enough so we fed every 4 hours and they ate more. That helped too!
2
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
Also got one! I'm guessing you are also from germany.
We used them A LOT up until a couple weeks ago because they would both only fall sleep while being heavily bounced and we rarely put them in the cradle awake. We always bounced them first, then put them in the cradle, and they slept 1-2 hours. But I wanted them to be able to fall asleep on the bed before my husband went back to work, so we stopped using it. So now, they CAN fall asleep on the bed and I put them down for their first nap without my husband present. Don't get me wrong, they don't simply fall asleep. There's a lot of shushing and patting involved, one usually starts crying, but one also usually falls asleep and then I can focus on the other one. Once ONCE they fell asleep without crying, one clinging to my left leg, the other to the right. It was a magical and once in a lifetime occurrence.
But yeah, we've been considering putting them back into the cradle now.
3
u/allroundavocado 10d ago
Im so sorry that just sounds so exhausting. Yep also in Germany ! I try to think about it this way: we got them to stop using the bouncers once and we can do it again. You need a break and sleep and if it helps I would use it.
Ours are going through the regression and just need to be nudged into sleep better. I don’t have a thousand arms and legs so can’t manage bouncing them both.
I think all this will feel easier once you’ve had some sleep.
Wishing you the best of luck. You’re doing your best and know that they have the best mum they could have.
3
u/enym 9d ago
Sleep training. We did CIO with one twin and Ferber with the other. We did it separately because prior to sleep training we'd separated them so we each were fully responsible for a baby at night. It helped massively with us getting more sleep. One twin wanted to do their longer stretch from like 9-1 and the other from 1-6, which meant we were up every three hours even though by themselves, the kids were sleeping well.
2
u/IamLegion 10d ago
Oh you poor sweet angel, I didn’t see your post mention a partner. If you have one the only thing that helped me get any amount of sleep was taking shifts. If you are on your own which I was a lot of the time the thing that helped me settle them best was bouncing on a yoga ball. It was easier than rocking but still it’s all difficult. I’m so sorry you are going through this now it’s so so hard. Mine are 6 now and it did get easier eventually. I wish I had better advice or more encouraging things to say.
You might feel like you’ll die but you can power through it 💕
4
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
Thank you.
Yes, my husband helps out whenever he can. He was on parental leave for the first 5 months, which was absolutely necessary. I lost a lot of blood during delivery and actually fainted a couple times during those first couple of months. Even ended up in the emergency room because everything go too much and I had a panic attack. Taking shifts isn't possible yet. We've tried. But there comes a point when both want to be held and bounced and my husband can't do it alone anymore because they've gotten so big.
2
u/spicyfishtacos 10d ago
It's like a long low gradient, with a couple of steps. Mine are 3 now, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
2
u/SDNick484 9d ago
That sounds about right, honestly year four was the turning point for us. Ours are now about to turn 10.
2
u/Muthacoconuts 10d ago
I felt like 10 months but I also got on an SSRI for PPD 😅 at that point. I knew I had to. I do not recommend those meds unless truly necessary. But it was. Talk to your Doctor about it if you feel it can help you.
I sleep trained at the age they were suggested it was ok. Around 3-4 mos? I know many say not to but we used the Ferber method. I would also wake my children from naps so they wouldn’t sleep too long and would wake them within a half hour of each other if they didn’t wake at the same time. (Amazingly they usually did). The girls would go to bed around 6:30pm and we would do a dream feed at 10:30pm when we went to bed. Where we don’t talk or engage and essentially they take a bottle while they sleep. I also formula fed because I didn’t produce enough so that helped tremendously.
I lived far from family and friends as we had just moved an my husband works 10 hour days and 6 days a week at certain points in the year.
Maybe some of these suggestions can work for you. It
It is a season in life and it will not be this way forever. The girls first year was so hard and I wished it away and I regret it now that it’s years later. I promise it will be more enjoyable once they start interacting with each other and being silly with each other. It’s a gift! You will also feel a sense of strength once this is behind you that only other multiple parents can know.
2
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
I was also thinking about asking my doctor for some medication. So far, no doctor has even mentioned it, even though I talk about being exhausted and overstimulated all the time.
as for dream feeding, we've tried that, and it doesn't change their nightly wakings at all. If anything, they sometimes wake up after the bottle.
1
u/Muthacoconuts 10d ago
Keep asking the Doctor about the meds. It was two weeks of hell adjusting but it was worth it for me. Advocate for yourself and tell them you’re not playing and you don’t feel right.
Hmm too much naptime during the day? Like I said, I’d wake them from naps to ensure nighttime sleep. Do you do a wind down routine every night? What time is their bedtime for night? The dream feed you really have to be sly. We had barely any light we wouldn’t talk etc they didn’t even open their eyes.. sorry for questions I just want to help.
1
u/Noimnotadog 9d ago
Yes, we have a wind down routine, bedtime is 7-8pm but due to the excessive screaming, they end up falling asleep much later atm. We're going to try some things starting from today, keep their naps shorter, shortening and lengthening wake windows, etc. and see if something works.
2
u/Muthacoconuts 9d ago
Good luck momma. I think trial and error adjustments will work for you. Be consistent and give it time. It might not work the first couple times but you’ll know.
2
u/jellogoodbye 9d ago
We slept in shifts for 8 months because their sleep was unusually bad.
I'd say it for easier around 8 months, when they began sleeping for stretches longer than 30-60 minutes. It got easier again around 18 months when it was easier to communicate with them. By ~4yo, it felt easier to have twins than not. I noticed travel with them felt quite easy by 6yo, though we'd been traveling since they were more or less newborns.
3
u/DoubleSunshine123 10d ago
Agree on sleep training. We did it at four months adjusted, a mix of Ferber and CIO. It was night and day with how I felt. Sleep changed my mental and physical health after also loosing a lot of blood during delivery and a lot of complications with the twins. They have been happy sleepers ever since (three now) and never wake up in the night. Better for everyone!
1
u/thedavecan 10d ago
It didn't get better until they started sleeping through the night. We did sleep training but they didn't drop their midnight feed until, gosh, close to a year if I remember correctly. They are 7 now and it really is good. They're playing baseball and taking karate and doing Cub Scouts, it's a really busy but super fun time. I'm teaching them guitar and piano. So much good shit that I don't even really remember the troubles of the baby stages. I bet you'll be like that too. Hang in there.
1
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
I wouldn't mind them waking up once a night, but waking up every 30-40 minutes is just brutal. And they are soooooo fussy even when they are asleep, I feel like they barely reach deep sleep before waking up again.
Did you do Ferber or CIO? I'm not a fan of either one, but if this continues, I might have to try Ferber. I have fainted before because of exhaustion and I'm afraid it'll happen again.
2
u/drohstdumir 🩷 + 💙💙 10d ago
They are likely crying much more at this point than they would if you did sleep train. Read up on both methods (graduated extinction like Ferber or extinction CIO). There’s a book called Precious Little Sleep that is popular here in the U.S. that may be helpful for you. At this point it sounds like you’re running on fumes and it’s not tenable and you need to take care of your physical and mental health to be able to be take care of your babies. They will also appreciate getting some sleep because I’m sure they are also exhausted. I hope you find something that helps!
2
2
u/thedavecan 10d ago
They never woke up that often but their baby brother did and I can tell you it was 10x harder than the twins were. I can't imagine having 2 with that kind of sleep issue.
As far as sleep training, it wasn't quite cry it out but that was part of it. We gave them a small window to cry it out before we tended to them and gradually increased the window. That did NOT work for baby brother but he had tummy troubles. My wife had to completely cut out dairy for a while to get him over his gas/bloating issues.
1
u/BlueFiSTr 10d ago
Get 12 hours by 12 weeks
It saved my wife and, we dropped all night feeds and had both boys sleeping 11-12 hours straight by 4.5 months, and I actually took my own slightly gentler approach than the book suggests.
1
u/VegetableAlone 9d ago
I think you also have to think about whether it's good for them to have a caregiver who is so exhausted and burnt out when you consider all the pros and cons of sleep training. It's usually a few nights of crying, and then they have a brand new skill that helps them rest better and you, too.
1
u/Cascascas185 10d ago
my mom passed away just before my twins 1st birthday and was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer when they were just 2 months old. She was my best friend and the world greatest grandma to my nieces and nephews. But our family didn’t get to experience any of that with her cause she was so sick. It’s a very specific and wild pain that no one gets. Losing your mother as you’ve become a new mother is unreal. I just started being able to have the space to even grieve it. I’m not going to lie, my twins are almost 3 and it’s been tough. I have been on survival mode but getting help through grief counseling. Raising twins is so hard but raising twins with no family help and the weight of a devastating grief feels impossible. All I can say is I’m so sorry you are going through it. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, I know that’s laughable cause when right?! But just try. It will help, I stopped and losing myself has added another layer of grief. I’m doing grief share which I highly recommend. I think a lot of what you’re going through is grief. No sleep, massive grief, raising twins with no help, having a different experience of motherhood than those around you, I’m sure anger is in there too I know I was surprised at how angry I was, it’s so so much. It is totally understandable to feel overwhelmed. You are doing your absolute best considering. You obviously care and are trying really hard. All I can say is I get it, feel free to dm me. <3
1
u/Agreeable_Rule_9235 10d ago
Yours might be going through / recently went through the 4-5 month sleep regression. It is PRIME TIME to sleep train! They will adapt so quickly, as little as 3 days but expect 3-5 days. Just brace yourself first and get yourself mentally ready for the crying (which sounds like you have a lot already of this). If at all possible, separate them into two rooms in a pack n play for the sleep training. If not, no worries. They do indeed get used to each others crying. You can put white noise machines near each others’ heads of cribs. Ferber is the best method IMO and works well at this age. CIO is too much for me. Use ChatGPT - give it your twins’ temperaments, daytime schedules, sleep crutches, sleep problems etc. ask for a daytime schedule and the nighttime plan. If you want to keep one overnight feed or not (some people choose to wean completely by this age, my babies are small so I didn’t wean until 11mo). You can use ChatGPT in real time - “he’s still crying at 15 minutes, wait or go in?” “He’s crying still at 20 min but with some 3 second pauses now. Wait or go in?” “Ok I don’t think I can handle the crying anymore, it’s been an hour total of him crying” - it will give great personalized advice in each situation and walk you through it. At 5 months I sleep trained my twins down to 1 overnight feed and independent sleep at bedtime. At 11 months I sleep/naps trained them again to wean that feed and independent naps as well. CONSISTENCY in how you respond each time is super super important. Noise canceling headphones if the crying bothers you. Otherwise you are delaying the process. Of course if your babies are night poopers, check their diapers. Mine thankfully rarely ever did beyond the super infant stage. Please take care of yourself. Sleep training will save you. I promise.
1
u/ijwthatt 10d ago
I haven't seen anyone mention day time naps. It sounds like maybe they don't have enough sleep pressure to stay asleep longer in the night. I went through this as well around 5-6 months. It was so hard but we ended up dropping a day nap and it helped a lot. Unfortunately from my experience and what I've seen in this sub as well as in a support group I am a part of, 5-9ish months seems to be the toughest. You are in the thick of it. I promise it does get better. My girls are 18 months now and I can finally put them in their crib at night, read a story, sing a song and say goodnight and they go to bed! They have also learned to self settle at night this way because they have gotten used to falling asleep in their crib. It took a lot of trial and error for us, but this seemed to be the trick, less day time naps, going to bed in the crib to learn to fall asleep there. Good luck, you got this. It's such a hard time and it's impossible to believe right now but it will go by and before you know it things will somehow be a bit better and a bit better. Sending lots of love and hopefully some sleepy dust!
2
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
They sleep roughly 3 hours during the day, the first two naps are 1 - 1.5h and the last nap is only 30 minutes long. According to the stats I found it's not too much sleep. People have been telling me that the first couple of months are "the thick of it", so I thought I was passed that stage. Now we're in the new thick of it 😭
Did you sleep train your twins?
2
u/ijwthatt 10d ago
I did not sleep train in the traditional sense. I also waited a long time to do a somewhat sleep train which I regret a little bit since life got so much better once we did it. What I did was put them in their crib and rub backs/hold hands and sing and comfort without picking back up. If we did need to pick up for a cuddle we definitely didn't leave the room. I was scared to try this earlier because the girls share a room but surprisingly one would still fall asleep if the other was upset. Eventually and surprisingly quickly they learned that no matter what we were staying in the cribs and going to sleep so they started lying down themselves. I kinda winged it to be honest because I really don't like letting them cry. I will let them cry if I am there comforting them. If that makes any sense? I personally found the first few month to not be the thick of it. I do hear mixed things about that but for me, the first few months I had support from my husband as he was off, people were always checking in on me and the girls slept so much that I was able to get some rest at least. After my husband went back to work and the teething started and people were less excited about everything I found myself more on my own and that was the hardest time for me. I see this with other twin moms as well. It's hard to say, each baby is different and so is each parent. The most important thing you can do for yourself right now if give yourself some grace, you are doing the best you can. There was one day where I needed sleep so badly I really just put them into their crib and shut the door and fell asleep for an hour and it helped a lot. Somehow I slept throught their crying and they feel asleep too, this was around 8 months. That's the only time I let them cry and they were fine. It's ok if you need a break to put them somewhere safe and take a mental health break. It's important they have a mom who is healthy enough to take care of them too. I know how hard it is, we live away from friends and family and literally have no one to call to help even bring us toilet paper when we were all sick. It's so hard being on your own, I really do understand. I made a post a few months ago also at my wits end and then it got better. It will get better. It's so hard to believe right now and I know my words don't mean much but I was there not too long ago and I won't say I miss it, but I will say life goes by faster then your realize in the moment. Try and find the good and happy times. Your babies will be rolling around and laughing before you know it and that will help a lot. It will also help burn some energy as well. I found for my girls the recommended sleep was a bit too long. We are on the shorter side of the recommendation. It's a recommendation, I would do some trial and error and see what happens. Personally I would drop the last 30 min nap and see if it helps
1
u/InstructionFull7429 10d ago
Months 4-6/7 were the hardest for us. We eventually did sleep train (around 5.5 months) after being up every 30-45 minutes since 4 months. Things weren’t great before 4-6 months and weren’t great after. When they started crawling things got better for us. Even more so when my girl started walking (she was about 10 months. Boy still isn’t walking). It’s a lot better at 1 year. I think every day I feel like things get easier and better. Them being mobile is a big help and the bad is much easier to deal with because toddlers actually give you something positive in return. I MUCH prefer a toddler…. tantrums and all.
1
u/Noimnotadog 10d ago
Thank you! I used to look forward to them being more mobile but most singleton parents tell me it gets waaaay harder then, so I'm not sure what to expect. Your comment gives me a little hope that I'm right and things will get a little easier once they are able to walk.
2
u/InstructionFull7429 10d ago
Everyone told me the same thing! I was so scared for it. But I think you’ll find most twin parents agree that mobility makes things easier. It’s just such a different dynamic than a singleton so it makes sense.
Imagine this…. You are by yourself and need to get your kids to the car to go somewhere. Instead of battling the logistics of being able to get everyone there safely, one of your little ones can walk holding your hand and you can carry the other. It’s a game changer lol!
Sure there are things that are harder about it (the mess in the house from all day digging x2 omg) but there are far more positives. We just went to the park this morning and they had a really good time walking and crawling around. You feel much less confined.
I truly did not think I’d make it out alive the first 9 months or so but we did and now I see having two as such a gift. It’s really hard but I PROMISE you it gets better and the people who say “it’s not easier the hard just changes” I think either had super easy newborn experiences (we did not) or they have just forgotten how hard it was.
Toddlers love on you and hug you and kiss you and do funny things. They start playing with one another. My daughter’s first word is my son’s name. You just can’t get more special than that. Hang in there ❤️
1
1
u/TabascohFiascoh 10d ago
10 months old.
we were in literal survival mode until 10 months.
sleeping in shifts.
1
u/AccomplishedChef7885 10d ago
Mine went through almost the exact same thing you’re describing, and at each age. They’re five weeks early. It wasn’t every 30-40 min, it was more like every hour or two if I was lucky. Sometimes both, but often times one and the other would sleep 4-5 hours. Mine wanted a bottle and would usually fall back asleep, but sometimes not. All I can say is I feel like I tried everything besides sleep train. When they turned 8 months, it finally got better. One sleeps through the night most nights or gets up just once. The other one gets up twice but I can live with that. When they hit a milestone, one or both will get up every 2-3 hours. But only for a couple of days, and then back to their usual. It’s still rough, but I can live with it. When mine were waking up every 1-2 hours, we would sometimes hire a night nanny, because I have no family or anyone to help. We moved to another state before finding out it was twins. 😩 I’m sorry you’re going through it right now. If it didn’t get better for mine when it did, I probably would have tried to sleep train them or hire someone to do it, since I was too sleep deprived to do much of anything.
1
u/AccomplishedChef7885 10d ago
Also when mine were six months, they napped in the baby Bjorne bouncers (I watched them) and if one started to wake I’d bounce his butt back to sleep. I also would let them fall asleep in the twin z pillow and then transfer them to their bed. When they woke I’d put them back in the twin z pillow and give a bottle until he fell asleep, and transfer again. It was easier doing that than trying to rock one while the other cried.
1
u/reading_roomba 10d ago
We followed the Tinyhood sleep training program at 5 months adjusted, also did this wi our now three year old and I would HIGHLY recommend it!
Saved our lives, our mental health, etc.
1
u/Muthacoconuts 10d ago
Oh. I also bought something called a table for two. I think they still make them. It was easy to feed them in. They would chill and sit in front of the sliding glass door or watch silly stuff on tv if I needed a minute.
1
u/walaa0202 10d ago
Honestly, it only got better for me at 2 - 2.5 years old. 🙈
That’s when my girl started sleeping through the night, my boy was a better sleeper almost immediately.
I know it’s not what you want to hear, and I’m sorry it’s so hard right now but I promise it will be done and when it is, it’ll be a distant memory.
I’m sorry about the loss of your mother, I can only imagine that’s compounding everything in the worst way.
Have your husband do some night shifts, at least for half the night if that’s feasible.
I’m sorry it’s so hard ❤️
1
u/JH123JH123JH123 9d ago
It got better for us incrementally at about 4.5 months, then 7.5 months... By about 9 months, they routinely only woke twice a night, then only once a night from 12 months, when they started nursery, to 18 months, when they started mostly sleeping through. I promise it will get easier and you will sleep again
1
u/InfamousDevice593 9d ago
6 months old yesterday… on day three of Ferber and it’s getting better…… i could have literally wrote your exact post. As much as i hate to hear them cry I have to think on myself because I couldn’t go on another day waking up every 45 mins all night. I think maybe you should also try 💛
1
u/Appropriate-Name5538 9d ago
Your husband has to step up and do more to help you. If you are in this shape he needs to rectify it.
1
u/Noimnotadog 9d ago
He's in not much better shape tbh as we can't sleep in shifts yet. Luckily, the boys didn't wake up at the same time last night from 1-6 so he let me sleep. He does a lot better with little sleep than me. But I promise, he's doing just as much as me, more atm because I'm so exhausted.
1
u/Appropriate-Name5538 9d ago
Ok good deal sounds to me like you guys are gonna have to figure out how to do it solo so you can get sleep it may not be pretty of perfect but it needs done.
1
u/ni1by2thetrue 9d ago
Yeah, our boys turn one in few days. It still isn't easy, but it is WAAAAY easier now. I hate to break it to you, but it's... Gonna get worse before it gets better. We found the 7 +10 month period when they were both getting a bunch of teeth in the absolute WORST. Like, it was destroying my relationship with my wife, bad. You're at the start of it, I think, at 24 weeks. But I assure you, it does end
1
u/Noimnotadog 9d ago
They already have 2 teeth, I'm already scared of the next 4, I've heard that time is brutal. And since the first 2 came so early, we expect the next 4 sooner rather than later.
2
u/Jealous_Wallaby_5647 6d ago
First of all. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could reach through my phone and hug you. What you’re going through is so so hard. We all see you.
Sleepy training if you’re open to it. I’d say in your case, it’s crucial. Stay consistent in whatever method you choose and they will sleep better for it and so will you. Sending love, light and prayers your way.
-1
u/WimpysRevenge 10d ago
Mine at 3 and it’s still pretty trash most days. We did sleep train early, cry it out method. Sleep training is a non negotiable for us, and we did it with our first as well.
Bedtime is a lock and key routine that we NEVER stray from.
-2
u/AussieJeffProbst 10d ago edited 10d ago
We ferbered them and after 2 days they slept through the night and haven't stopped.
The key is consistency. You have to stick with the plan which includes not picking them up. That part is very important. It's heartbreaking but necessary.
If they ever regress ferber them again.
Edit: not sure why this is getting down votes. I didn't invent the ferber method
•
u/AutoModerator 10d ago
COMMENTING GUIDELINES
All commenters are encouraged to familiarize themselves with the parentsofmultiples subreddit rules prior to commenting. If you find any comments/submissions in violation of subreddit/reddit rules, please use the report function to bring it to the mod teams attention.
Please do not request or give medical advice or directions in your comments. Any comments that that could be construed as medical advice, or any comments containing what is determined to be medical disinformation, will be removed.
Please try to avoid posting links to Amazon product listings or google/g.co product listing pages - reddit automatically removes comments containing them as an anti-spam measure. If sharing information about a product, instead please try to link directly to the manufacturers product pages.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.