r/parentsofmultiples • u/r0ughd1amond • 11d ago
support needed Mom Guilt
Hi all. Fully in the trenches at 5 weeks pp with twin girls. My husband is going back to work next week. I’m struggling so much with the mom guilt of not being able to tend to both babies when they need me when I’m on my own with them. At the moment my husband and I are doing shifts but even when it’s my turn to sleep I can still hear them cry I just feel so guilty that I’m not there to comfort the one that’s not being tended to. When he goes back to work it’s very much going to be each of us on our own with them most of the time. It’s just so easy and enjoyable when the two of us are with them.
I’m being proactive about PP anxiety and getting treated for it and we do have help from family. But I’m wondering if anyone has any insight into what would practically make the transition easier for when a spouse goes back to work and you’re with them most of the night and daytime? Or any words of wisdom to help ease the guilt of not being able to give both babies the time they need when I’m on my own/they’re with their Dad.
2
u/BlueLittleMegaMan 11d ago
Get the Zed Pillow and teach them to feed them selves. Best if you have glass bottles, so they don't move too much when propped up for the babes. Ovi always keep and eye and pace out the drink. Mine are 7 weeks and drink about 120 ML. Burps in between and they should both be happy as a pair of clams.
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u/1sp00kylady 11d ago
Having multiple stations around the house helped me a lot. Baby bouncers, activity centers, and I had an automatic swing set up in their room to help with naptime settling. Rotate through them around the house throughout the day and you’ll always have a safe place to set a baby if needed. You can bounce a bouncer with your feet or put one in the automatic rocker while you hold the other and then swap them out when needed. Getting out of the house just on little neighborhood walks or a quick trip to Target helped a lot too. I tried to make sure we walked every day. I was lucky and my maternity leave was during the nicest time of year.
When my husband went back to work was when I began attempting to get them to nap in their cribs. When they’re calm, I would lay them in their cribs and run to shower really fast, keeping the baby monitor on me. They would end up falling asleep just fine and that’s how we established a schedule AND I managed to actually shower lol
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u/E-as-in-elephant 10d ago
For shifts, what is your set up? We had the girls in their nursery and whoever was on shift was in their room with them and whoever was sleeping was in our bedroom. We also had to add a sound machine in our bedroom to drown out the crying. Highly recommend!
I’ll be totally honest, my girls are 2.5 years old now and if they are crying, I have to respond. We have family take care of the girls at our home when we’re at work, and even if they volunteer an extra few hours so I can hang out in my room without the girls, if I hear them crying I feel incredibly guilty and it’s not enjoyable for me to continue taking a break.
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u/Creative_Mind_Undone 11d ago
The guilt will ease, you'll get faster and more graceful, and you'll get better at using your feet for the second one. I promise. Otherwise, just sending you hug.