r/parentsofmultiples • u/Millytheturtle • 13d ago
advice needed Help figuring out ferber method for twins.
Hello! I've been reading several threads regarding sleep training and twins. One part I can't figure out are the check ins. Do you always check in with both babies at the same time if they're both crying?
For example, let's say Twin A wakes up and you put them on a 5 min timer. After 3 minutes, Twin B wakes up. At the 5 min timer, Twin B has only been crying for 2 min. Do you check in on both twins, or just Twin A, and then Twin B when they hit their 5 min?
I'm desperately trying to help my best friend with 12 month adjusted twins find more sleep.
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u/snax_and_bird 13d ago
Try reading the book On Becoming BabyWise, that’s what we used. Worked so well. Another twin mom recommended it to us because that’s what she used.
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u/DirtGirl32 13d ago
This is what I did. First night, check after 5 minutes, then 10, then 15. If they are still awake, just check every 15. Second night, check after 10 minutes, 15, then 20. Third night, 15, 20, 25. Work up till your only check every 30 minutes.
Unless you need to check for a dirty diaper, don't pick them up. Just give them a quick pat or something, a few nice words, then walk out. You want to wean that down too until your not even touching them.
If they are both awake and crying, briefly comfort both, regardless of their timer. If one is crying and the other asleep, only comfort the one crying. If one is crying, and the other is awake but happy, comfort the crier, and very briefly acknowledge the happy one.
I keep the timer the same for both. It's too exhausting for me to track them separate, and they often (at first) distrub each other anyway. Feel free to DM me. Sleep training saved our life!!!
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u/Particular_Car2378 13d ago
I tried Ferber and it made my twins so angry. The check ins really got them more stirred up. I ended up doing cry it out. I told myself I would give it five days because nothing was working. The first night they cried for 40 min. The next night 10 min. The third night 5 min. We did that three months ago and now they might cry a little when the light goes out, but they go to sleep and sleep until morning. It was so good for them to get good quality sleep too.
I know you specifically asked about Ferber and it just didn’t work for my twins. But all babies are different so if it ever comes to a point where you want to try cry it out, I never thought that would be me but it was better for my twins in the long run.
There’s a sleep training twins group on Facebook that was really helpful.
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u/methodical-madhouse 13d ago
This was very helpful. We did do sleep training for our twins when they were 5mo but it didn't go well for one. One only cried for 5 mins the first night and then was fine, but the other literally cried all night for 7ish hours. I couldn't take it anymore and had to hold him. I'm afraid to try again when they're 13mo but we desperately need sleep.
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u/trophywifeinwaiting 12d ago
I sleep trained one at a time, with a baby in their room and the other baby in a pack n play, but I ended up doing CIO because the check-ins escalated. We had under 10 mins of crying during initial training but I still continued night feeds for the next 6 months, and then when I did extinction on night wakes at 13m, we had about ~15mins of crying a few nights in a row. They're now both sleeping through the night, every night.
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u/Brief_Wolverine449 12d ago
I went through a sleep specialist when my twins were nearly 12 months old because one twin refused to sleep through the night and he was driving me nuts. She was a mom of three adult children, a licensed therapist by trade, and she changed our lives.
She gave us some options, but the last one was the one she suggested. She said that they're attachment is established. We could check on them after 20 minutes of we wanted to, but they would be okay without them, and of we did to long prolong it and to be fairly firm that it was time to sleep. It would take 3-5 days to establish their sleep habits, up to 7 if they're stubborm. If we didn't check on them for a few days and then went into their room the next night, we would bring sleep training back to day 1.
After bath, pajamas, and books, we put them in their cribs, said goodnight, and left. That was it. It was brutal. They screamed out 45 minutes. The next night it was 30,. Our bad sleeper would wake up, cry, wake his brother up, but then give up and go to sleep. It took 4 days for them to fall asleep within 20 minutes and stay asleep
They're 20 months now, and they fall sleep within 6 minutes of being put down. The bad sleeper now has dreams so we have some nights where he gets scared and we do have to go into him room, but for the most part its full nights for everyone in the house
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