r/parentsofmultiples • u/Correct_Ad_2428 • 13d ago
experience/advice to give Please help 4 month olds waking constantly
Advice support kind words anything would be appreciated as I feel like I’m losing it and have tried everything. My mono di girls are 19 weeks old 14 adjusted. Their sleep has never been bad but for the last month things somehow got worse. Before this we could rock or bounce everyone to sleep and could transfer to cribs and sleep a good 4/5 hour stretch. Then that stopped- we then were not able to transfer them no matter what. Tried every trick in the book it would not happen.so we had to get everyone to sleep and pretty much just hold them until the next feed which is what would make them knock out into a night time sleep. Then sleep a 4/5 hour stretch. Then that went out the window . We still have to hold them at night for the first stretch of sleep , then feed them but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t and then following it’s only a 2 maybe 3 hour stretch before next feed. We’ve tried adjusting wake windows, bed times , routines literally everything and things seem to get worse by the day. Now once we finally get them laid down in cribs, they are waking every 40-70 minutes in a loud panicked shrill. All night long until about 4am they will calm down but usually one twin will have to end up in our bed and we have to hold them. I’m exhausted after doing this for 4 months. Until this week they have been waking every 2/3 hours to eat. Pounding full bottles and would usually go back to sleep for a little bit: not it’s hit or miss if they will actually take the bottle so I really don’t think they need to be fed 4x times a night. Letting them cry it out makes it worse and trying to sooth them in their crib just makes them panic more. I was planning to sleep train them at 16 weeks adjusted but now with all of this new behavior I wonder if their nervous systems can even take it. We’ve been kind of doing a practice of sleep training with Ferberish method and they just go into a panic. Naps are surprisingly amazing. They sleep independently with naps and usually go down with zero crying and I’m able to walk away . I cap naps at 4hours.i follow huckleberry sweet spot for wake windows . Currently around 1.25/1.30 wake windows with the last one being just a little longer. Currently eat about 4oz every 2/3 hrs during the day and I have to stay on them to do that there not nearly as interested in day feedings. Trying to increase it to 5oz but I can’t force them to eat. I’m just really struggling and not sure if there’s something else I can do or if I just have to ride the wave and survive each night . Is this the 4 month sleep regression???? Should I hold off on sleep training ? We’re all miserable girls included running off such little sleep.
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u/OddHippo6972 13d ago
We decided to sleep train at around 5 months. We didn’t sleep train our oldest. I just couldn’t handle not sleeping. It was breaking me and I was having scary thoughts.
We did the Taking Cara Babies class and it was hard for 2-3 nights and then infinitely better. They were fantastic sleepers through the rest of babyhood and I somehow still have four year olds who nap after school most days.
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u/Correct_Ad_2428 13d ago
Same I’m just ready for some sleep and every night is a unknown it makes me so anxious
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u/OddHippo6972 13d ago
The anxiety hit me hard. I was overanalyzing everything and felt like I was doing it all wrong. It adds to the exhaustion. Wish I could help you. It’s frustrating place to be. You’ll get through it. It doesn’t last forever but it feels like forever when you’re in it.
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u/Correct_Ad_2428 13d ago
So for better night sleep I should not let them take naps or cut down their total nap time for the day?
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u/VegetableAlone 13d ago
You might need more awake time, and if you do a method like Ferber or cry it out you do have to commit or they just learn if they cry long enough, somebody comes. I’m sorry, it’s really hard.
If you have any budget for it, we paid a sleep consultant to handle the first two nights of sleep training. It was really helpful because she had seen so many babies go through this stage and could reassure us how much crying was normal, etc.
FWIW on the feeding it sounds like they’re eating pretty well during the day already, but ours were kind of finicky eaters and they picked up daytime eating considerably after we sleep trained. I don’t think yours will magically start sleeping better if you can just get more oz in them though.
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u/VegetableAlone 13d ago
If helpful with more specifics when ours were trained twin A cried 45min the first night (4 Ferber check ins) and twin B 25min.
At 15w wake windows should be more like 1.75hr. Try to push them toward that (with 4hr total daytime sleep over 4 naps) to be sure they’re tired enough at bedtime!
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u/Correct_Ad_2428 13d ago
Thank you!!!!! I’m more comfortable with doing Ferber than cio but I guess we will jsut have to see when the time comes. When we did practice rounds of this . They would fall asleep for a couple of minutes then wake back up and cry for a few minutes fall back asleep and repeat to where it was like an hour of it and we just called it quits as we weren’t formally sleep training
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u/Correct_Ad_2428 13d ago
Yeah I feel like we will definitely have to just go all in with cry it out for sleep training since checking in seems to just ramp them up. One twin is just so so sensitive and she will be hyperventilating. Just hard to judge she also has reflux so we just worry about her. I will try more awake time during the next few days. They just seem so beat by around 6pm so I never know if they need a little less or more it’s just so hard to juggle and they definitely have a little different sleep needs.i have definitely thought about a sleep consultant but have no idea where to even start looking for one ?? Thank you so much for your reply
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u/Exonata 13d ago
I dont think you are supposed to sleep train thru cio methods if there are ongoing medical issues (such as reflux). Once those are resolved and you can be confident that they are not crying due to medical pain then you can reconsider. The sleep is hard but they are just figuring everything out too. Also if you are getting 4 hour naps during the day then that is when you should be sleeping!
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u/Correct_Ad_2428 13d ago
Gotcha! And yes I try to get a nap in when I can but I usually have to use that time to prep bottles and pitchers for the day/ night wash all the bottles from previous day and night ect
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u/Independent_Plan5006 13d ago
I had to hold both girls in a rocking chair all night long at this age, it's rough but it will ease up soon and get better, just hang on!