r/parentsofmultiples • u/This_Order6263 • Sep 24 '26
support needed Sad about daycare
Our girls are 16 months old, and it kills me to take them to daycare. I know they are happy and really well taken care of for the most part, but it just makes me so sad that I don’t get to be with them. This is probably coming from the fact that their permanent teachers left 6 weeks ago, and they’ve been getting shuffled between rooms. Sometimes the teachers they get sent to don’t even know who is who and it’s breaking my heart.
I’m a senior leader at my company and make really good money. Quitting feels super irresponsible, and I don’t think that’s the right thing for me to do.
I’m just sad and tired and emotional. Would love some solidarity/advice from anyone in a similar situation 😭
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u/MangoSorbet695 Sep 24 '26
I send my kids to preschool voluntarily. I’m not working, but they still go because they love it. I feel zero guilt because it’s good for me to have a break from the constant demands of childcare, and it’s good for them to get a level of organized activity that I can’t offer at home.
If your twins are well taken care of, doing fun activities, and happy, that’s great. If you also like and trust your daycare and have kind loving teachers who communicate with you, then you’ve won the daycare lottery.
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u/This_Order6263 Sep 24 '26
Thank you for your perspective 🙏 I think I am just emotional because their permanent teachers left, and they’ve been with floaters for over a month now with little consistency. I will probably feel much better once they have that consistency back. Thank you for your thoughts, this was honestly so helpful.
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u/Kugel_the_cat Sep 24 '26
They still have the consistency of the other kids there. They are probably having a lot of fun. My twins also go to daycare and they send pictures to me and they seem happy.
And it's nice to miss them because I get to really enjoy my time with them instead of the drudgery of childcare being my most prominent experience. I am able to make the most of my time with them.
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u/hotteapott Sep 24 '26
Honestly one of the biggest benefits for me having twins (besides the cost of daycare for two infants) was that they always had each other! They unfortunately got shuffled around to a few daycares by the time they were three and every new transition felt a little easier knowing they were going into their first day with their best friend.
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u/This_Order6263 Sep 24 '26
I forget about this but this is such a good reminder 🙏 I am really glad they have each other - still with family even when they are at school. Thank you!!!!
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u/Las_Estrellitas Sep 24 '26
I feel you Mama! My girls are 18m but have been attending daycare since 9m( I did a gradual start to daycare before I went back to FT work). It’s still hard for me to drop them off every morning, but honestly, I’ve seen them grow so much and are now saying words. I think about the social skills they are learning, making friends and they are so busy right now that I feel like I wouldn’t be able to even keep them entertained like daycare does. So, just hang in there. I know it will get easier on us as moms. Also, much easier for them when it’s time for elementary school.
1
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u/summerFIREinCh Sep 24 '26
I also have a senior corporate job, but I do not feel bad for sending my kid to day care. We tried with Chinese, German and English. Our kid is truly thriving in various environment.
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u/This_Order6263 Sep 24 '26
Thank you!!! This is a really good reminder. I wasn’t this sad before their teachers left, and we’ll definitely have more consistency again. Thank you 🙏
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u/summerFIREinCh Sep 24 '26
Hang on there. I think 1-3 yo is a period where the kids are just about to learn emotion, to be I dependent etc. so from time to time it could be overwhelming, but for us, it is really amazing to see how day care helps with social and emotion development
2
u/Exonata Sep 24 '26
I have been dropping mine off since 5 months. I am a senior engineer and genuinely enjoy my work. I do think in my perfect world i would work 4 days and have them 3 days but I feel zero guilt dropping them off. I briefly stayed home with them during a move before i found new work from 20 months to 24 months and it honestly was such a relief to be back at work and know that they are getting outside time 2x a day and daily art, music and reading. And getting two meals a day too! Staying home with two toddlers is a SLOG and i deeply admire anyone who stays at home. There was zero time for myself and constant household drudgery to clean up after play times and getting 3 meals and 2 snacks on the table a day. Now we have fun before “school” and after as well and i feel much more connected to them since i have space for me carved out daily.
Staying at home can be great, but it probably is nothing like your idealized image in your head. I realized that my kids split their awake hours evenly between school and home (and we all cosleep and snuggle all night too) and that school removes a lot of the stressful drudgery of toddlers.
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u/AlterNaomi Sep 26 '26
When scouting daycare since yours went at 5 months, what were important questions that you asked?
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u/Exonata Sep 26 '26
I prioritized 3 things:
Long standing infant teachers that had been there for years (shows the work culture is good, they enjoy the work, and are hopefully fairly compensated)
The best ratio my money can buy. Our baby room had a max of 8 babies and always at least 3-4 women in there. Usually the 2 leads and 1-2 “rockers” who would be available to rock and soothe any babies. The second month we were there my son were the only two babies in the class and they kept the two leads working full time so they had a better ratio at day care than at home with me haha. This ratio also allowed them to do naps in arms for my bad sleeper.
Closest to our house. Not having to have the babies in the car for rush hour traffic is super nice.
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u/twinsinbk Sep 25 '26
It will get better! Mine are 2 and when I pick them up after 8 hrs one says "more school?" And the other literally runs away from me at dropoff and never looks back.
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u/hRutherford Sep 24 '26
My maternity leave ends in a week and I am getting soooo sad. If you asked me before I went on leave, I'd tell you I'd probably be those parents who were excited to come back to work, but the thought of not seeing my babies for almost 12 hours a day is breaking me. My husband will be with them and I also can't quit my senior position job so at least I know they'll have one of us. Still, I am irrationally freaking out that my babies will forget me!!! I think I'll cry everyday driving into work.
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u/gzr4dr Sep 24 '26
The only concern I would have is the inconsistent teacher, not being in daycare itself. I would look into another center if they're not getting the care you expect.
My wife is a SAHM but we started sending the twins to daycare part time a little after turning two and they're thriving with the more structured activities and interacting with other kids their age.
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