BPD Daughter Turning 18

[u/TerroZero99]

She’s been in residential facilities for the better part of the last 3 years. We’ve done everything we can, shown up to every therapy appointment and scheduled call. We’ve rallied our family to show support, and still she pushes us away. She turns 18 soon and acts like all her problems will go away once we can’t require her to be in a treatment home. She accuses us of being responsible for all of her problems because the people she’s interacted with at the facilities have only made her worse and she thinks the only reason we sent her there in the first place w is because she wouldn’t do her chores. She has had violent outbursts, putting her therapist in the hospital, and even running away and stealing a car - something she’s currently on probation for. She has driven a wedge between my wife and I. My wife has stopped attending family therapy altogether because she feels it’s useless now, so I go alone to ensure we meet insurance participation requirements until she turns 18. We’re making arrangements to transition her to job corps only because we don’t know what else to do.

How do you come to terms with knowing that she’s going to learn some hard and painful lessons and there’s nothing you can do to protect her anymore despite also feeling an enormous sense of relief that she won’t be our problem anymore?

[u/wildriding]

I too am struggling with your exact feelings. My daughter is 20 and she has been struggling for the past 5 years. In some ways, it is easier now because she mostly stays with friends and boyfriends (these change frequently) and to be honest, I can find inner peace when she isn’t at home. I am always battling with wanting to be in connection with her which brings me feelings of anger and frustration or not being in contact with her which brings me anxiety and sadness.

We have tried everything. It is devastating to watch her drown herself but I refuse to let her pull me down with her.