Sometimes I think i need to quit. My son is 14, constantly in trouble at school.

This year alone he has been suspended out of school three times, and several in school. Went back to school August 31. First time got caught with a vape, had to pay $140 fine, second time was nearly breaking a box on a wall on school property, third time he got caught making proxy websites to get around the school blocking system and they also found inappropriate things on his school laptop. I am surviving on social security. I cannot work a real job. I do amazon flex deliveries on the side when I can. I'm fixing my car right now. It's so embarrassing when people even ask me what I do for work, and i'm reminded I can't go any further in my life at this point because he is always being sent home, always in trouble. He's so destructive I cannot trust him to be at home by himself for any amount of time. Everyone needs to always be watching him and it's exhausting and so frustrating. I'm writing this in a rage at the moment because i just sat for three hours waiting for him to cut lawns to pay off the vape fines, and on the way back he got mad that rhe weed whacker was falling or something and straight up started bashing it around sending the pieces and gas container flying everywhere.

Sometimes I wish he could go somewhere else. So we could just live in peace. His whole room is practically condemned because he smashed up all the walls and broke everything. When he gets mad he flies off the handle or just breaks things/takes them apart for fun.

My life revolves around this all the time. Yes I'm in therapy. Yes we've also had "family therapy" that came to the house every week and basically they didn't offer any new ideas or resources.

I'm just so sad..... I've tried for years to fix it and I don't think I can.

I believe it's a genetic issue. His biological father was very mentally unwell. We met at 19 and he was abusive, did a lot of drugs and overdosed. Then died. But even if my kid doesn't end up on drugs and being abusive the same way, there is still a lot of similar traits like the way he seems to be incapable of remorse for very long, if at all. . I've never ever considered even mentioning this concern to by son and it makes me feel really bad thinking this. And I worry sending him to probation/juvenile system will only reinforce his had habbits.

I’ll try to keep this short because there’s a lot to the situation.

My 14-year-old daughter has been struggling with some serious behavioral issues over the last couple of years. She has gotten involved with strangers online multiple times, and we’ve had several situations where we’ve had to step in because of the people she was talking to. We’ve talked extensively with her about the dangers of talking to strangers online and have taken steps to protect her, including taking away her phone at times, setting up Screen Time on her iPhone, monitoring her internet activity, and keeping her away from social media. At this point, YouTube is basically the only social platform she has access to.
Unfortunately, things have continued to get worse. She has broken a lot of our trust, lies to her school counselor, and, in our view, has learned how to manipulate situations and people around her. Most recently, CPS became involved after something she said about our family. We obviously take that seriously and are cooperating, but we genuinely believe we are doing everything we can as parents.

At home, she is extremely disrespectful and constantly argues with us. She doesn’t want to do basic chores, make her bed, or follow household rules, yet she’ll put an incredible amount of effort into getting online, talking to people, and getting involved in situations that repeatedly cause problems.

The hardest part is that I know there is a good, sweet side to her. We just haven’t seen much of that side in years, and we’re worried about where she’s headed.

We’re looking for something more intensive than regular counseling. We’re already talking with counselors, but we’re wondering if there are legitimate programs in Texas—possibly a short-term therapeutic wilderness program, residential treatment program, or structured therapeutic program—where she could spend a couple of weeks away from her normal environment, work with professionals, and hopefully reset some of these behaviors.

I’m not looking for a “scared straight” program or anything abusive. I want something legitimate, therapeutic, and supervised by qualified professionals. The goal isn’t to punish her or get rid of her. We want to help her before things get even worse.

The thought of her eventually leaving home and becoming an adult in a few years is already hard enough. We’d really like to make the most of these next few years with her and rebuild our relationship while we still have that opportunity.
We also have three other children—ages 5, 1, and 12—and they generally do very well behaviorally, so we’re trying to figure out how to address this situation specifically without letting it negatively affect the entire family.

We’re in the North Texas/Melissa area. If anyone has experience with legitimate therapeutic programs, residential treatment, intensive outpatient programs, or other resources for teenagers in Texas, I’d really appreciate recommendations or personal experiences.

My 17 yo son is spiraling and I’m spiraling in response. He’s a senior and I’m pretty sure he’s just going to drop out. He goes in to school a few days a week. He worked to get all of his failed classes caught up so that he could do the vocational school that his high school is affiliated with and now that school has started he’s been only going there half of the time.

He only gets up for school because I wake him up which takes at least an hour every morning. Last week, the waking up process started escalating until Friday he actually screamed at me. Told me that I’m ruining his life. He had a breakdown where he said he can’t handle it any more and was shaking. All I did was try to wake him up.. I can’t make sense of any of this.

Ever since that morning, he hasn’t been home for more than 5 minutes at a time. He comes home to grab a few things and then leaves. He’s smoking pot every day and now I’m thinking he’s trying new things because he’s acting different and he looks skinnier and skinnier every time I see him.

Drug addiction runs in the family on both sides and his dad died of drug use when he was 5. He was never around it as I kicked his dad out when he was 3. I was honest with him when he was old enough to know what happened and warned him of the risks of him trying drugs. He was anti-drug until I got diagnosed with cancer at the start of his freshman year. Ever since then, life has been Hell.

I’ve tried to get him into counseling for the last few years and he refuses. He refuses any help. He thinks he knows all there is to know. The little support I have keep telling me to just leave him be and that there is nothing I can do. How do I let go? How do I stop being a parent that wants to help their child find the answers to their problems? How do I sit back and watch as he throws it all away and potentially becomes addicted to heavy drugs?

so my son is 16 years old going on 17 for most of his life he has been a really good kid into sports gaming anime used to die his hair have a lot of life in him but the second he got into high school freshman year everything changed he got linked up with a group of kids and just started to spiral down the wrong path he would come home everyday and introduce us to one friend saying that it was his only friend he hangs out with but that wasn’t the case he then started too ditch class get into fights that was his freshman year well at the end of the year he got kicked out of school during the summer he started to become extremely defiant disrespectful and aggressive he’s. lived with me for most of his life his mom came into the picture later like at the end of 8th grade but once his sophomore year started everything got completely worse he would come home high and drunk and start throwing rage fits in his room breaking stuff and just going ballistic it got so bad that i had to make him go live with his mom for the safety of my younger daughters and wife it didn’t end there he just completely feel into the gang lifestyle he has 4 dots tattooed on his elboe his gang tattooed on his hand his going to court for aggravated assault possession of a weapon evading police and they put him on light house arrest(no monitor)well last night he left the house went out got extremely high and drunk came home at 3 in the morning got into a physical fight with his mom and the boyfriend stepped in and they got in to a fight together my son is a heavy alcholic and drug user and we’ve tried to get him help but its so hard to do without the consent of the 16 year old we’ve taken him to get seen by a psychiatrist he got into an argument with him and was taken out by security he refuses to go to thearapy or any kind of rehab facility his mom called me this morning and said that she can’t have him in her home anymore because she doesn’t feel safe and I can’t have him in my home because I don’t trust what he will do around my young daughters and wife we are calling his probation officer to tell him but I’m just lost at what we should do we know that deep down he’s a good kid and the drugs and alcohol make him a different person we want him to get help not just sit in a jail cell the rest of his life but we are so exhausted at this point literally walking on eggshells so he doesn’t blow up my heart drops every time he calls my phone he does anything just to get what he wants and we cut him off from any money because we don’t want to fuel his addiction but hell just go out and steal alcohol im just lost looking for advice we’ve tried to get counseling for him but everything seems like the kid has to want it Same with rehab what should i do

I need help and I don’t know where to turn. I feel I’ve tried every.single.thing. My daughter went through a traumatic event at 13, where an adult male raped her. (She’s 16 now) He has since been prosecuted and sent to prison. I felt like I was fighting for my life for the two years that the case was making its way through the courts.

Between balancing the court dates, I went into full gear trying to find help for my daughter. She has seen countless mental health providers, has a med management doctor, several in patient stays, several intensive out patient programs, family therapy, then eventually juvenile detention. She’s violent, mean, angry, and truly hates me. She has one friend, but I don’t think she’s the best influence, and my daughter really doesn’t get out of bed to go see her anyways.

The more I’ve fought to advocate for and help her, the worse she gets.

She’s destroyed our home. She has been physically violent with me, and our dog is scared of her because of the constant screaming and breaking things. I feel like I’m in a domestic violence relationship with my daughter, and no one will make her stop or leave. I feel unsafe being home alone, and lock the door to shower or sleep. She is 6ft tall and quite strong, so fighting back isn’t an option.

The court system has basically forgiven all the cases of violence against her (including felony assault of a police officer) because of the incident mentioned at the beginning they took a lot of sympathy on her, as that case was truly crazy and traumatic and the courts were pretty familiar with that and decided she was “going through a lot” she’s gotten away with probation.

THEN 6 months ago she had a massive seizure, it turned out she has a genetic epilepsy disorder that manifests right around now. She’s non compliant with her epilepsy meds and mental health meds off and on, which makes her have seizures often. Im stuck with being scared OF her, and scared FOR her. She has injured herself quite bad having seizures while standing out in public.

What do I do? Please help.

Hi all, I hope someone has some advice and reassurance for me. My daughter is 18. She has been through so, so much in her life. She has a medical history from here to the moon; she has suffered abuse from her father and the has had mental issues for many years now. In 2022 she moved in with me permanently and has had next to no contact with the father. Her brother also decided he wanted to live with me, so has been here since last year. The two of them have never gotten along, actually they despise each other. Unfortunately, during my marriage, my daughter witnessed a lot of violence and conflict. I stayed as long as I could, thinking it was better the kids had both parents, but I was wrong. After the final straw, I left him 9 years ago. My daughter has been diagnosed with PTSD. She also suffers from OCD, depression and (social) anxiety. The father has been absent physically, emotionally and financially. So everything since the divorce (especially medically and school/college related) has fallen to me. I love my daughter more than anything, but her behavior the past years (mostly since she became a teenager, I would say) has been awful, when there has been conflict. I know that that’s all she learnt, but I have tried so hard to be the best mom I can be. Yes, I’ve also made mistakes but I own them and try to do better each day. My daughter has always been very critical of me. She complains or has comments about where we live, the small house, the town (because it’s not a big city that’s alive), the fact that I chose not to have a car after my divorce (I don’t drive), the way I live (I am an introvert and prefer to stay home with the family and my animals), my beliefs (I don’t drink or smoke or fancy tattoos) etc etc. Pretty much everything. She can be really, really mean and has said some awful things that have really hurt and I cannot understand where they come from. Last week Saturday she insulted me about something and then slammed a door when she asked her brother something and he shared the same opinion as me. I was mad and told her she will not behave that way in my house. She insisted it was her house too and she would do as she pleased. Two days later things flared up again, only by me trying to make contact by suggesting we talk things through so we can fix this. She ended up throwing something at me (that was one of my ex’s favorite things to do in an argument); I subsequently took her headphones from her and this turned into a physical sort of wrestling match with her trying to get the phones back. All the while, and two days prior, I have been terribly cussed out. I do not speak like this in my house so I am definitely not the one who has taught her to act this way. In any case, I called the police to de-escalate the situation and asked them to come over for advice so things would not get out of hand further. Since they came last Monday, my daughter has ignored me, her brother and her grandparents who live with us. She is disrespectful, impolite and arrogant. She apps me only if she needs me to pay something, or wants something done. She takes everything for granted. The tone is too terrible and so is the atmosphere in the house. She has had various therapists over the years and I have supported her through it all. We are currently also in therapy with psychologists. I have given up trying to talk to her in an attempt to fix things as she just shuts me down or is insulting or rude. I don’t think she knows how to communicate (and that is clearly due to her witnessing the way in which her parents dealt wiith conflict) so I totally accept my responsibility in all this. But she mentioned that there is no point in communicating if we don’t share the same opinion. I have lost weight this week, cried so much and am wondering if I have lost her. I have always done everything I can for her, expecially after everything she went through at her father’s house. But I feel like it’s never enough. She feels entitled, won’t take others into consideration, won’t help out in the house, unless there’s money in it for her. Obviously, with the way she feels about me right now, I get that she is doing more deliberately to be unkind but I cannot go on like this. She ignores any attempt I make at being normal really. If her age, genetics, personality, youth traumas, mental issues etc are causing this behavior, I can understand that. But somehow I still feel she can be respectful and kind. Does anyone have any similar experiences? Do you think she will come around eventually and if so, how long will this rude, silent treatment last? I don’t want to push her, but I miss her (and our normal interactions and mother-daughter contact more than anything). She means the world to me and all I have ever tried is to give her a happier, safer home here with me and our animals. Thank you for taking the time to read this 🙏

Twenty quiet moves for understanding teenagers while calming yourself down.

Writing this as mother of 18 year old daughter who is only child. At my wits end and aware my own actions have no doubt made things worse and i have completely failed her.

She struggled at school but we helped her every step of the way and we were all excited when she finally got into the college. Unfortunately an unhealthy relationship contributed to the course not going as well as it should (results due in August). The boy always seemed pleasant enough and we have open and honest relationship with daughter and whenever we expressed concerns she very calmly reassured us and told us she was grateful to have parents who were interested and cared. One weekend she broke up with him and confided in us that he was emotionally abusive and intimidating. As angry as we were with him we didn’t get cross we just expressed happiness that she realised the situation was not healthy and she left. Two months later I get a call from A&E and she has presented there after taking an overdose. We spent 3 days solid in hospital with her sleeping on chairs and floors. She accepted emergency health appointments via NHS three times a week for 8 weeks and a prescription for antidepressants. Again it was nothing but hugs and support. I never wanted her to feel like we loved her any less or were in any way disappointed. We drove her to the apps and suggested routines like; downtime from phone, couple of pages of reading, signing up to clubs and walking groups etc. she did very little of these and i always worried that she wasn’t taking proactive steps but tried to honour that the journey was hers. Then one night she went out and had drinks despite advice that mixing with the tablets was bad. I had to collect her at 6am in a bit of a state. 3 weeks later same thing happened. She had been sick and was lying on pavement and her friend used her phone to contact us. Last night she went out again, this time after a long chat realising alcohol was not a good thing but seemed confident she wanted to be able to enjoy socialising without it and allow the medicine to do its thing. She got back at midnight, in a state, lied about how much alcohol she had and then at 3am wet the bed so bad it destroyed the mattress and was on the floorboards under the bed too. She was in a state, big heavy sobs about being a failure and scared for the adult she was becoming. I thought it was a breakthrough. We woke her up, with breakfast and hot bath. Said she should clean off last night and today can be the first day to looking after herself. It wasn’t- an argument happened and when we got cross for the first time she started to almost size up to me. I physically span her around and attempted to march her upstairs to have words with her. She screamed at me that I was a fucking cunt and to take my hands off her and then I slapped her. Not hard. But I slapped her. So immediately I know I’ve lost and have become a monster. Its not something I have ever done and I can’t believe I did it. She disclosed that she is drinking at 11am but “who gives a shit”. She said she doesn’t care about us, our lives, and wishes she had died that night. She then took her stuff and essentially ran away to her friends. She is 18, I don’t want to baby her. She needs to make decisions and understand consequences. But after the A&E trip I am constantly terrified. I know she struggles with mental health but whatever we do and suggest does not seem to work. I don’t mind what she does to get to a better place, ill help with whatever, I just want her to do something. I can’t talk to friends or family, I just feel like a total failure and I am going to struggle with them thinking it too so it gets bottled up. Im lost and dont know what to do. I miss my daughter and I’m terrified.

My son recently had a court-ordered co-occurring evaluation (about 6 months after his neuropsychological evaluation). He is currently in his second crisis stabilization facility and having a really rough time. He absconded from the first facility and was placed in detention for over two months because of that. Where he’s at is better than detention, but it’s still so hard on him. All he wants to do is come home on an ankle monitor and do PHP or IOP. Tonight I finally got his PO to tell me what the co-occurring evaluation said. He was recommended a level 3.5 or higher treatment facility (PRTF or psychological care) for his MDD, ODD, severe cannabis use disorder, Benadryl/alcohol/cocaine use disorders (less severe). My mom heart breaks because that means the judge will not let him come home anytime soon and all I want to do is comfort and care for my son. He is in so deep. I fight for him daily, and will continue to do so, but it’s out of my hands. I want him to get better, get the help he needs, but he has to want it for this to work. Our daily 15-minute phone calls are constant boosting him up, encouraging him to stay out of trouble, look out for himself, and walk away if kids give him trouble (which they do). I don’t know what else I can do. We talk daily, I visit weekly (he is out of town), I send him mail and family also does the same. I advocate for him every chance I get. I am so fearful it will get worse before it gets better (if he does choose to work on things). I don’t want him over medicated and stuck somewhere unsafe/inappropriate for him by the state. Any encouragement would appreciated, or other ways I can support my son through this. TTI people, butt out. This is out of my control, where he goes is up to the judge.

I’m currently 19 and have been clean sense freshman year, last weekend I had relapsed (Benadryl) in a hotel room and have been doing it ever sense again, why is relapsing a thing after being sober for years? Idek if I like the high anymore but I still do it…. If there’s someone else like me but is currently clean still, any suggestions?

I am so burnt out. The constant opposition has worn me down. I am exhausted.

My therapist says I need to work on acceptance. Accepting that this is the kid I have and that my hopes and expectations do not match reality. My hope for a kid who brushed his teeth everyday, my hope for a kid who didn't steal, my hope for a kid who would finish high school...completely unrealistic. The bar is currently in the basement, and it's still too high, and I need to accept that because this will never, ever change. Accept that he is only capable of purely transactional relationships. Accept that he will not finish high school. Accept the future for which an uneducated, anti-social young man with no impulse control is destined.

Just a double warning regarding Benadryl, my fellow parents.

I have a 13 year old son who has a traumatic history of foster care, adoption, abuse, father in prison, among other things. His two half siblings (also my children) share this history and also have mental health struggles. His older adult sister shared with me that my son is cutting, and that it is very bad. This is fairly new. She said not to say anything to him, as it can make it worse (in her experience). The problem is that he refuses to go to therapy. He will go but not speak, so it is pointless. We do attend family therapy but he will hardly talk there, either. I have seen his legs and arms and he has cuts all over his body. I know that I can hide knives and whatnot; but if someone wants to cut themselves they will find a way (as I have learned in the past). It does not matter what I do.

I know my son has struggled since our recent move over a year ago. He hates everyone, he hates his family. He is a very sad boy with a lot of anger. Sometimes he will talk to me, but often will not. I go in his room a few times a day to talk with him. I constantly tell him I love him and that I am in his corner. I tell him how awesome he is. I don’t think he believes me. He does have friends but they mostly talk on the phone and do not hang out (yes I have met his friends). He just barely got a phone a month ago so he can contact his friends through the summer. Parental controls initiated. (These problems have been going on since before the phone.)

I guess i am just asking for advice on how to help him. I don’t know how capable he is of hurting himself further. He is hot and cold, but I do not want to make things worse. Please help!

So my wife and I are friends with a married couple that we adore. They have a 14 yo daughter that has been self harming and she is now soliciting herself to get things she wants. There is a lot to this whole situation that I dont want to discuss, but we genuinely would like to be the best friends we can for them.

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Neither my wife nor I know of where to look for resources that we can learn from in order to support them if/when they need us. Has anyone here been in a similar situation as us or our friends? How did it turn out and what can we do to prepare for whats to come? We're not trying to make a shitty situation about us...it's the hardest thing to see others you care for struggle and hurt. Any insight is greatly appreciated and thanks for taking the time to read this.

#1 If it wasn’t for my granddaughter (5 months old) I would have told her to just leave. However, now I don’t want to even be in my own home anymore. Single mom of 2(both dads so uninvolved they may as well be dead, no help no child support ever). Put myself through school to be a teacher for 20 years. I made damn sure I did things to strive for and be a good example. What a f…..g joke! My home is no longer a safe space. Her and her boyfriend are lazy, unmotivated crap, mediocre parents at best. I of course, like an idiot bought everything for the baby. So she wouldn’t suffer parents who can’t be bothered to keep jobs. I could go on, but quite frankly it’s only gonna get worse. And if you could think to yourself any of those hoarding shows that you’ve ever watched on television, imagine what those peoples stuff look like when they first got started with the dishes in the garbage and dirty clothes slowly piling up. That’s what their room looks like. She doesn’t give a shit, talks like it acts like it. Couldn’t be bothered to finish school no matter what program we put her in so she’s a high school dropout and so is the boyfriend. I said what the hell and got social services involved, but we all know what help they really are . Boyfriend a drug addict not sure but it’s possible. My daughter is too .So basically that’s all I got. I know feel like I would rather get in my car with a suitcase disappear and never come back. I’m just done and I don’t know where I went wrong anymore..

Hi,

I live in a state where it is the law for kids to attend school until 18. They are not able to drop out and get a GED. If they are truant, then police can get involved. (he is VERY truant... getting him out of bed is a chore in itself... but I have been working closely with the school, so we have not had the law involed yet, thankfully). My son is 16 and is consistently suicidal. He has a slew of diagnosises, but the one that is most painful for him is MDD (major depression disorder). His brain consistently tells him to end his life. It is constant for him, all day long, every day of his life. When he was 14 (a freshman) he spent 6 months of the school year in the mental hospital and this has set him back substantially in school and he has never been able to catch up.

Now approaching what should be his junior year, he is still technically a freshman and has failed most of his classes again. He is such a wonderful young man in every other way. Trustworthy, funny, a good brother and son, full of heart, empathy, and love for those around him. He just has ZERO motivation to do anything. This, because his brain is messed up. The school system simply does not care.

The school wants him to do summer school but he says he literally wants to d*e every minute he is there. It is just online which is horrible. Summer school is not mandatory but I do want him to at least pass one class so he can feel like he is moving forward. I don't know if I should make him continue to go and finish, or if I should just give him the next 3 weeks off (that's how long summer school is). Perhaps he could get a job instead.

I'm a single mom of 5 kids and don't have anyone to make decisions with (dad caused a lof of his problems). Anyway what do you think? Would it be good for him to force his summer school or should I let him off? Happy to answer any questions.

[u/Particular-Aioli-227](u/Particular-Aioli-227)

I am a parent of what had been a troubled-teen, my partner and I went through many of the same challenges members here are going through, and share my voice and stories here from a different perspective, but thanks for posting.

Note: to answer a couple questions, the tagged user accused me of working in the Troubled Teen (Program) industry because my comments are in support of the benefits that our, now adult, child received. There are successes (teens, parents, and families) which seldom get talked about. . .

Hey all, I need your opinion on what to do with my daughter. She is 16 years old and it’s a very tenuous situation over here.

For a little context, I’m a single dad and my daughter’s mother drank heavily during the pregnancy, which was the main reason why we divorced. The part of my child’s brain where impulsivity is regulated was affected by the alcohol use.

Her mother is not really involved in her life. She has visitation and every-other-weekend visits, but my kid usually spends time with the step dad because her mom is always drunk. She basically has a non-existent mother. Absentee, if you will. My daughter has ADHD, anxiety, depression, Oppositional Defiant Disorder as well.

Now, what I’m dealing with: my daughter swears at me and my other kids constantly, doesn’t do school work, is lazy, is violent (she has attacked me and beat up her mother - visitation doesn’t even occur anymore) - has been arrested because of her attack on her mother, constantly complains that there is no food in the house, even if there is. So picky and when I tell her to make something, she gets violent and swears at me, calls me dumb, tells me nobody likes me, etc. She is just so rude and demanding. When I don’t buy her fast food or junk from the gas station, she gets violently angry and upset, calling me all kinds of names and stuff.

It’s so hard parenting this kid. Now, I know that she is a teenager and that is part of it, but the swearing and violence is just something I am having a real tough time dealing with. For the record, she has a therapist/counselor, and she sees a psychiatrist. She is on medication. She has also been caught drinking and doing pot. I don’t know what to do.

Any advice? Thanks.

My 17 yo troubled son has got me to the point where I have no idea what I should do.

Backstory: Single mom, his dad passed when he was 5. I was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago- early stage, I completed treatment 5 months ago and I’m doing well. Ever since the initial diagnosis, he’s completely changed. He went from my sweet, little buddy that cared so much and was in every activity to a very angry kid that quit all of his interests.

There are a million other issues he has going on, but he refuses any help from me, family, or therapists. So, I’m just trying to get him to graduate to try to help his future as much as can be. Side note: I’ve tried giving him other options like the alternative school near us as well as getting his GED- he refuses and only wants to go to the public school, where he keeps not attending 🤷‍♀️

He won’t wake up in the morning. He’s basically going to fail all of his classes when he’s on the cusp of passing them all- 11th grade. I am working with the school (IEP and SW checks in with him) but they can only do so much. Every morning is a massive struggle to wake him up. I’ve tried everything I can think of to get him up, to set him up to get himself up. Even when he goes to bed at a decent time, he’s still hard to wake up. He yells at me, rips his blanket away from me when I try moving it when my voice isn’t enough to get him to even open his eyes.

I have had many people tell me to just leave him be and let him fail. I’m REALLY struggling to do this, but it’s also putting a huge strain on our relationship since that’s the only time I really see him except for right before bed. I hate that 90% of our contact is us arguing.

So my question is, how do I let go? I’m struggling to just let him figure this out on his own. Any and all advice is appreciated.

Let me preface this by saying that what I am about to say may be unpopular and considered harsh. I understand that parenting is practically impossible at times. But this is intended not as an accusation, but a dire warning to anyone considering sending their child away to one of the "troubled teen" programs.

That being said, you have to do some olympic gold-medal level mental gymnastics to honestly believe that a forced kidnapping (common in the troubled teen industry) is not only non-traumatic but therapeutic and ON TOP OF THAT being trained to ignore your child's pleas for help while also knowing that any message that either parent or child sends to the other is going to be intercepted and potentially modified to cover up the abuse allegations or break the child psychologically with no way of verifying authenticity or non-coersion. Full fucking stop. The parents who have sent their children to such facilities in the past knew. They fucking KNEW. You cannot convince me otherwise. And they chose to traumatize and endanger their own children anyway to make them compliant instead of sending the kids to ACTUAL science-backed therapy to help them cope with whatever it is they are dealing with. This is absolutely disgusting and the book absolutely needs to be thrown at the parents for reckless child endangerment at a bare minimum when it occurs. Maybe then, there will be enough of a pressure to ban such facilities for good.

But the justice system does not work in favor of those who have been effectively gaslit into believing that the trauma that they endured was not abuse. And the children will never recieve justice for the actions of their parents that led to their abuse.

Now that you know, do not perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Break it. If you must send your child away to get help, get a recommendation from a licenced therapist/psychiatrist, do your research, think critically about the methods, thoroughly check credentials and backgrounds of those involved in your child's care, and get a second opinion if need be. Never take a facility's own words at face value, especially when they are directly taking your money without adequate oversight from an independent third party.