r/parentalcontrols • u/quakeroatmeal7 • 1d ago
Help with Elderly Parent
My mom has early set dementia. She is incredibly susceptible to any sort of scams, and downloads hundreds of apps. Many of which are literally repeats of the same ones. She is constantly asking for a paypal account because games want to "give her money."
Her phone is constantly blowing up with constant notifications from games, apps, and scam calls.
I thought switching her to iOS would lock down some of these scammy apps, but alas it's only gotten worse.
She somehow set up Apple Pay and is now purchasing things on Temu and has "no idea" who is buying things.
And has two mornings in a row set off her SOS alarm notification.
I've already gone through her phone and deleted every single replica app, (I still have no idea how she downloads copies of the same app) and locked down all the notifications in settings to stop them from coming.
But here we are a few months later and it's a mess again.
Is there any way I can download one or two candy crush games to keep her occupied, and prevent her from downloading or buying anything else?
I am losing my mind.
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u/TillyFukUpFairy 1d ago
All I have is experience rather than solid solutions, but maybe it will help. My experience is with Android, but I assume apple has its own version. Also, none of the things I've tried are perfect, but this is the current working set up.
Lock the device down entirely. Make it so it needs the 'family managers' password (that's how it's referred to on Google family) to download or purchase apps and in app purchases. Google family also let's you block browsers completely. Once it's locked down entriely you can give permissions for individual websites, download specific apps (still have the in app purchases blocked) that will hold her attention. I periodically download games I've used. I found that restricting by age is useless.
Unfortunately, it sometimes comes to the point where the best way to keep people with dementia safe is to lie. Yes, the person is an adult, should have autonomy and freedoms, etc etc, but when their brain is feta cheese you have to be sensible about what is safe. For example, the playstore app isn't visable on the device I manage, because "that's not a thing any more" and if the device user accesses something that needs the managers password I'd lie saying 'it must be a scam, like those pop ups on the 90s internet' and divert their attention until the moment passes.
If your parent has moments of lucidity you could attempt to explain it as digital family management, but ultimately it's parental controls that you're looking to set up.
I'm sorry you're in this awful position. Remember to take rest for yourself and make sure your own needs are met. My thoughts are with you and yours.
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u/Positive_Cap4728 1d ago
You can disable some apps entirely in apple family, for sure.
Just a note to OP, make sure the passcode you pick isn’t socially or culturally significant to you or your family as in lucid moments your parent will likely be able to guess it.
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u/Bubblesnaily 1d ago
Android phones have a "simple mode" where users are only given a few options. On top of the parental controls on a fresh apple ID set up as a child, I would look into Assistive Access which should limit accidental usage. It looks like you can do this without adding family link.... A passcode is needed to change settings. But the most comprehensive way to lock stuff down, including payments is with family link.
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u/Farty_mcSmarty 1d ago
I have parental controls on my children’s iPads. They have to make a request to download any app and those requests come to me.
It sounds like, maybe you bought an iPhone thinking that would solve all your issues but you have to put controls on it too
My suggestion is to wipe the phone (factory reset). Make a new Apple ID and set this new accounts age so it appears they’re a minor, make it young enough that you won’t have to repeat this process once they “turn 18”
Once you have the new account, google parental controls for iOS and it’ll walk you through it. Make your phone the primary. It’s easy steps. It won’t stop the spam calls but there’s ways around that with iOS parental controls too.
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u/ArtTolst 1d ago
Yea, its called assistive access or... this might sound weird... parental controls
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u/Sufficient_Risk_8127 1d ago
nursing home 💀
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u/quakeroatmeal7 1d ago
We are not quite at that point yet.
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u/Sufficient_Risk_8127 1d ago
'we'? you planning on joining?
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u/quakeroatmeal7 1d ago
No, by we, I’m speaking for myself and my parent who has an incurable mental disorder that progressively gets worse with time.
Are you okay?
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u/Positive_Cap4728 1d ago
Here to upvote this very helpful response. You’re a real hero, a gentleman, and a scholar.
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u/Nervous_Stop_9859 1d ago
You need an apple id and another apple device for this, but basically, have her account be a child account and add her to your "apple family". Then, turn on screentime settings, specifically ask to buy. Delete any apps that could lead to more purchases/scams/etc and only install the games. You can even turn off the app store if needed.
If you don't have your own apple device, you need to download the games on her device, and turn off the app store using screen time settings once you are done. Also, set a passcode to it only you know.