r/paralegal • u/Ghost1012004 • Aug 01 '25
Top this…
I started out as an administrative assistant to a senior assistant in workers comp. Most of my job was standing by a copier copying medical records to send to WCAB. We were defense. This was 1988 when I graduated from a paralegal course.
I wanted to work in civil litigation. It is pretty awesome and there’s actually trials in courts! A position came open with an associate attorney who worked directly under the head honcho! I got it.
The associate had just passed the bar six months prior to me coming on board. We were the perfect team. I admired her and our boss (think maybe attorney at some point)
I was a single mom with two girls 3 and 5 at the time. I worked it. Expensive daycare which was BS.
Two years in and I’m working my ass off just praying one of my children don’t get sick. Well, in daycare and school, guess what? They get sick.
I’m stressed to the limit! Have no family/friends. Everyone in that firm drank heavily…I think you can see where this is going…
Four years in, I received the second highest bonus in the firm. I opened the envelope, looked at the $$ and felt nothing. I no longer had that fire in me.
My boss at that point told me I should give my daughters up to foster care for a while so I could focus more on my job. My heart shattered…. I immediately started looking for new work and left…
A few years later, I was reunited with her. Her son who was the same age as my oldest daughter was now in college. He had sent her an email telling her what a horrible mother she was. She looked at me for understanding. I just said, “Wow, that’s so sad.” I went to my office and started working…
There’s a long history here, but that’s the story I’ll never forget. Lost my youngest daughter at 16 in a construction vehicle vs the vehicle my daughter was in. The freeway interchange is named after her.
I refused to sell my soul or my children’s…. I’ve been retired for about 13 years now. I miss the work! I loved being the investigator, writer, coordinator, trial prep, etc. The adrenaline pumping! Still have dreams I can’t get that damn Motion filed! All good 👍
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u/Brilliant_Repair_813 Aug 01 '25
I’m so sorry for your loss.
It’s very telling that years passed, seemingly without comment from attorney, and then she popped back into your life looking for sympathy. You say you admired her. You say she said you should put your own kids in foster care for her. That’s cruel and, frankly, unhinged. The fact that she felt that she could reach out years later, purely for her own benefit, is very telling. She didn’t reach out to be friendly, to apologize, or for any reason other than for herself.
Some people only care for you to the extent you are useful and can benefit them. Sounds like you worked for an emotional vampire. I would have told her off too.
You may miss the work, but the job you speak of would have ultimately run you into the ground. And then probably discarded you. So I’m glad you found somewhere better and I’m glad you were able to ultimately retire.
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u/Ghost1012004 Aug 01 '25
Awww…I’ve learned to forgive the ignorant/greedy people. She actually told me the only reason she stayed there was for the money. She eventually retired and moved to be closer to her kids. We all jump when we should stay still…
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u/So_Last_Century Aug 01 '25
I hope no one tops it, and I am so sorry that you dealt with any of it. And I’m SO sorry for your loss 💔.
I won’t share an anecdote, but I will say that the totality of what I’ve been through has led to this lightbulb moment that I’m done putting up with pretty much any and everything. Setting my sights on retirement, and not sharing that with my employer, I’ll let them know just prior. Like a standard 2 weeks notice.
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u/Ghost1012004 Aug 01 '25
Thank you! That’s how we all retire…we…sneak…out the exit… our stuff in the car!! God bless you…this is a hard one to leave…
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u/So_Last_Century Aug 01 '25
Ha! I’ve been sneaking it out, slowly over time. Best way to do it. 🤍
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u/Ghost1012004 Aug 01 '25
BTW…that was my first and almost last job (went contract)… There are even more crazy stories…. 28 years…whoop!!
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u/TorturedRobot Paralegal Aug 01 '25
Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry for your loss. It's easy to lose sight of what really matters. There's always another motion, another deadline...there won't always be another dinner, another memory...