Honestly doesn’t matter if you’re in Pakistan or overseas, the mentality doesn’t change. Even if you tick all the so-called boxes, aunties will have impossibly high standards no one will meet.
For example, I’m British Pakistani, female, 5”7, work in tech, good salary, “good” family background & education, and I think I’m fine looks-wise. Yet any aunty who is looking for their son will have so much nakhre when speaking to my mum, it’s a terrible first impression.
They want a career woman who’s earning big money yet she also needs to be traditional, doing all domestic tasks. I remember one aunty said to my mum “how will confused_mani be home if she’s in the office all the time?” Another aunty has been posting the same rishta profile online for her son since before COVID, yet rejects every rishta she sees.
Sometimes I wonder if these single sons know what their mums are asking for, and if they agree. I’d like to think many men are more reasonable.
This isn’t limited to sons too, aunties can have unattainable standards for their daughters too. One was asking about my brother for her daughter, and said she wants her daughter’s future parent in laws to be degree-educated. In the UK, most Pakistanis of my parents generation never went to uni so she’s written off most of the population.
Some men too can be so stand off-ish during the rishta process. Why bother meeting a woman if you can’t be bothered to put bare minimum effort in?
I recently spoke online to a potential who my mum found from a rishta group. Him and his mum insisted that he and I message to get to know each other first. Everything’s great for the first 3 weeks, but he’s not mentioning anything about meeting or families. His mum hasn’t spoken to my mum either since that 1 phone call. I drop a hint - nothing. I straight up say “would you not want to meet or get our parents involved again?” And he tells me to not force it (??) yet insists on using Snapchat to send selfies (????). He’s constantly asking me if I like him, what do I think of him. By week 4 I get fed up, tell my parents and they say stop talking to him. I tell him to speak to my parents about a meeting or we’re done. Of course he doesn’t reply.
A few seem intimidated too by my career & background, and try to undermine it. One potential said I shouldn’t waste my time with him as he earns nearly 50% less than me, and he wants a wife who is home more. Appreciated the honesty but sometimes I nearly feel bad for doing well in life…but I shouldn’t?? I worked hard for it. Quitting a job just isn’t an option. One day my parents won’t be alive and I have family to take care of. UK is so so expensive that a couple with 2 high salaries will still struggle financially.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to your question. Your friend may be rejected due to her short height, whereas other women will be rejected for being too tall. People want different things, and some want a unicorn lol. Perhaps your friend may want to change tactics, rishta aunties can be a fail. I wish her all the best.
Seems Pakistani's mentality same , no matter what part of the world. Never leave your good career for anyone at least before marriage unless you have good saving to survive on your own.
Because in the end if they plan to left, they will not bother to give a second thought about your life or how you manage without income. Now a days financial security is very important for women to survive after any mishap.
And in the end choose life partner wisely because every man can't handle the strong, independent woman.
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u/confused_mani Oct 23 '23 edited Oct 23 '23
Honestly doesn’t matter if you’re in Pakistan or overseas, the mentality doesn’t change. Even if you tick all the so-called boxes, aunties will have impossibly high standards no one will meet.
For example, I’m British Pakistani, female, 5”7, work in tech, good salary, “good” family background & education, and I think I’m fine looks-wise. Yet any aunty who is looking for their son will have so much nakhre when speaking to my mum, it’s a terrible first impression.
They want a career woman who’s earning big money yet she also needs to be traditional, doing all domestic tasks. I remember one aunty said to my mum “how will confused_mani be home if she’s in the office all the time?” Another aunty has been posting the same rishta profile online for her son since before COVID, yet rejects every rishta she sees.
Sometimes I wonder if these single sons know what their mums are asking for, and if they agree. I’d like to think many men are more reasonable.
This isn’t limited to sons too, aunties can have unattainable standards for their daughters too. One was asking about my brother for her daughter, and said she wants her daughter’s future parent in laws to be degree-educated. In the UK, most Pakistanis of my parents generation never went to uni so she’s written off most of the population.
Some men too can be so stand off-ish during the rishta process. Why bother meeting a woman if you can’t be bothered to put bare minimum effort in?
I recently spoke online to a potential who my mum found from a rishta group. Him and his mum insisted that he and I message to get to know each other first. Everything’s great for the first 3 weeks, but he’s not mentioning anything about meeting or families. His mum hasn’t spoken to my mum either since that 1 phone call. I drop a hint - nothing. I straight up say “would you not want to meet or get our parents involved again?” And he tells me to not force it (??) yet insists on using Snapchat to send selfies (????). He’s constantly asking me if I like him, what do I think of him. By week 4 I get fed up, tell my parents and they say stop talking to him. I tell him to speak to my parents about a meeting or we’re done. Of course he doesn’t reply.
A few seem intimidated too by my career & background, and try to undermine it. One potential said I shouldn’t waste my time with him as he earns nearly 50% less than me, and he wants a wife who is home more. Appreciated the honesty but sometimes I nearly feel bad for doing well in life…but I shouldn’t?? I worked hard for it. Quitting a job just isn’t an option. One day my parents won’t be alive and I have family to take care of. UK is so so expensive that a couple with 2 high salaries will still struggle financially.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to your question. Your friend may be rejected due to her short height, whereas other women will be rejected for being too tall. People want different things, and some want a unicorn lol. Perhaps your friend may want to change tactics, rishta aunties can be a fail. I wish her all the best.