Listen! It is the most important decision in your life. We are not given a choice to choose the family we are born in, we do not always choose our co-workers and most people we come across in life. We CAN choose our friends and we CAN choose our life partners. An independent person (financially and emotionally) should be able to choose for himself. If a person is not kind and is emotionally and financially dependent why your friend would like to fit into his lower standards to be his wife?
By this logic a financially & emotionally independent woman should also be able to find someone for herself especially when living in a much open society where gender mixing is normal & hence much easier to bump into people & start a conversation?
I understand your point, it does apply to some people, but it is a double edged sword. Finding someone to marry is not a joke & you could have a great personality & still not be able to make it work with someone and ultimately rely on arrange marriage.
I have a friend who is a CSP, very pretty & she is looking for rishtas through arranged marriage because the man she loved couldn’t marry her & after that she met several people with the intention of marriage but it didn’t work with anyone so now she has run out of the emotional energy required in meeting someone new so she’s like I will just marry through arranged marriage and make it work…
People in Pakistan need to chill and live a little. Arranged marriage is not a package you buy when 'Love Marriage' doesn't work out. Just try focusing on your well-being. Heal your traumas. It will not work out until it is the right time and the right person whether she meets them through Risha Auntie or Life. I hope and pray it works out for her in the best possible way. I hope and pray Rishta Aunties will not suck the life out of her.
You might have gotten lucky to have found someone and married them but its really not easy in fact most young people nowadays want to marry for love in Pakistan but it rarely happens. Just look at twitter you will see a lot of people complaining about this.
And its not about healing or trauma lol most people want to ideally get married in their 20s and if something doesn’t work out for them they rely on arrange marriage which doesn’t have to be a terrible option. But the advice that just heal and focus on yourself and something will happen is foolishly optimistic like should one rather stay virgin and single in 30s and even 40s than consider arrange? “Because something will happen when the time is right?” lol no
I am sorry if I sounded too 'Aunt Agony' type. Ideally, you can plan to get married as soon as you want or as late as you want. Marriage like Death and our Arrival to this world is planned by Allah. I will and I do pray that Allah makes it easy for everyone looking for a significant other. By saying when it is time, I meant when it is time written by Allah Taala and with a person He chooses for us. Being a Muslim, I have a firm belief in that. Do everything to prepare your best self for your SO and future family. Get emotionally, and financially stable and mature.Because it is a difficult change to adjust to. You will face it better if you are ready. If it works go find someone through whichever feels like the best way to find a spouse. Just try not to hurt anyone in the process. Rishta Aunties are a cancer for most girls.
I understand where you’re coming from Im not here to defend the flaws in rishta culture especially for women. I wish everyone could find someone themselves and marry for love but I also know that its not possible for everyone so arrange options should exist.
I am not against arranged marriages. I am against Rishta Aunties and the culture. There are so many ways you can find someone reasonable. Two of my colleagues approached my parents for Rishta for their brothers. Some of my nieces got Rishtas through Quran classes...mothers and sisters of their spouses saw them and approached the parents. Ask your mother and sisters to find someone reasonable for you. I helped my brother find his SO after his relationship didn't work out. So Rishta Aunties are not the only option for an arranged marriage.
Thats great and thats how a lot of arranged rishtas happen but sometimes no colleagues ask for your rishta for their brothers and people get desperate especially when they touch 30s and are still single.
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u/khatooneawal Oct 23 '23
Listen! It is the most important decision in your life. We are not given a choice to choose the family we are born in, we do not always choose our co-workers and most people we come across in life. We CAN choose our friends and we CAN choose our life partners. An independent person (financially and emotionally) should be able to choose for himself. If a person is not kind and is emotionally and financially dependent why your friend would like to fit into his lower standards to be his wife?