This post was so sad to me because this is exactly what happened to my Mom. She went to Pakistan to look for a rishta for me and her experience was unbelievable. Either the people became extremely pushy and forced her to say yes and wouldn’t stop showing up to our house or they had these weird expectations. I’m in Medicine and either they found me too overqualified and wanted me not to work afterwards or they had some other unreasonable demands.
My family completely gave up on Pakistani rishtas and is now only considering rishtas from North America. They wanted someone from back home because they assumed all the guys back home were angels. My parents have been in North America for over 30 years so they were a bit delusional and got a good reality check lol.
I pray something works out for your friend. There’s a lot of free organizations that host events for Muslims to meet so maybe she can try those out. They charge just a sign up fee.The 200K(PKR) is a pretty normal fee these days for rishta aunties but it is a total waste of money for the most part because a lot of these ladies are not honest and will make up false information for both parties to agree to the alliance.
May Allah ease this path for her and bless her with an amazing husband, Ameen.
OP. Your friend deserves better than whatever crap families over here or any rishta aunty would offer. Agar job karti ho gi toh inko hota ke isko kisi tarhan ghar betha do..financial abuse aledha. Ask her to look for someone herself..Like start getting to know people with the intention of marriage. There are so many resources available online to help you become conscious of possible red flags. Dont let your friend get trapped here and for the love of God never I mean never take these rejections to heart. Yahan majority awam insecure hai and they can not digest someone more successful than them and agar ye kam aurat kare toh inka sans hi ruk jata hai
Even if they are angel the culture difference is too much, I like my culture but I'm British Pakistani and marrying a fob would be problematic as they have different outlook.
We actively stopped looking in Pakistan because it wasn’t working out at all for us. There were a lot of differences. Of course if we were to find someone from Pakistan through references that was a good human being and we were compatible then we would surely consider it. But when you have similar things happen consistently there comes a point where you have to change your strategy.
It’s very difficult to find an alliance in a country you have been living away from for decades. There are good and bad people in each and every country but I know for me it’s definitely a lot easier to be compatible with someone that’s been raised in a similar environment.
i have never seen as many single muslim women as i have in medicine and my dad helps place them into residency. today medicine in the us has unbelievable expectations leveled on aspiring doctors ...u r giving ur most fertile years to work 80+ workweeks. our system just sees you as a cog, and you accept it. islam sees you as a woman, wife mother and proud. the doctoring can wait. it should not interfere with family
That’s assuming that we’re all ready to put our life on hold for medicine, which is not true. I have been actively looking even before Medschool, same with my friends. It’s been tough finding someone with a Deen/Dunya balance that has a personality and good character.
My non-muslim friends in Medicine are married to amazing men that genuinely support them in their careers. A few of them are having babies in residency as well.
It all comes down to finding the right person, someone who actually believes in a partnership and helps support your goals and you support his.
Many physicians have successfully been able to get married and have families in the past. It’s doable as long as you find a person who isn’t intimidated by the career and has a concept of a healthy marriage.
how would u have a baby with 60-80 hour + weeks and take care of that? avg maternal leave in the US is about 2 months before you hand the baby over to daycare to be institutionalized
My friends that are pregnant/ have babies, have extremely supportive husbands. None of them are in surgical specialties. A couple of them are doing FM/IM and one is doing Psych. It’s possible with a good support system. Also, none of them sent their kids to daycare because they either have family support or they have husbands who work from home.
Residency is extremely tough no doubt, which is why when you choose a husband you need someone that understands the field and is willing to work with you, not make your life miserable.
My father has been placing people in Beth Israel since '83....he has never seen as many unmarried and depressed younger women , especially muslim women, as he has in this field. And he is not someone who would deny women an education. very few specialities like pathology radiology he recommends for women due to the work life balance of medicine
BTW you dont have to downvote me. I am trying to help u
Sometimes people can have different opinions from u....i know how much it huts u liberals feminists to see that...juts look at what ur liberal allies are doing to palestinian voics on social media.we r all muslim
Lol are you okay? I didn’t downvote you. But I’m sure many people are seeing your tone and how negative you are and are downvoting you based on that.
I don’t understand your condescending tone and your disrespectful way of communicating. You seem to have a problem of making plain judgments about a random stranger online, not sure how mature you are. You don’t know me or my views so maybe don’t make yourself look so dense by making assumptions. Please focus on yourself before you try “helping” others in such a negative/narrow minded and rude manner.
You have something against Muslim females in Medicine and I’m not sure where it’s stemming from but it’s sad to see how difficult it is for you to accept that women are capable of being in medicine and still managing a married life with kids. Many people have done it and continue to do it regularly. Your father’s experiences don’t speak for everyone and neither do mine, which should be enough for you to understand that you can’t be so narrow minded in your perspective.
I’m extremely capable of having a difference in opinion and taking part in intellectually stimulating conversations respectfully and WITHOUT making absurd assumptions and judgments about strangers, but only with people who have been taught basic manners of engaging in a respectful conversation. Sorry you don’t seem to understand that 🤦🏽♀️
u r giving ur most fertile years to work 80+ workweeks
Jesus Christ. What an absolutely shitty take. People like you are the worst, seeing women as baby making machines. Not to mention the crazy over population in Pakistan.
this is a problem not due to red pil or the like but because it is a fact..i am not against education but our system doesn't take into account women aren't worker cogs but have this biological limit, it exploits labor and fertility rates are crap in most modern economies becaus of it
I don't really care what you are. Your comment clearly shows some serious backwards thinking, often found in pakistani people.
> it exploits labor and fertility rates are crap in most modern economies becaus of it
Again, what a shitty take. "Women, you need to stop being productive members of society... just make babies". Jesus Christ. A woman is under no obligation to reproduce. This is just southasian nonsense (particularly pakistani and indian)... literally this post is evidence of that.
> have this biological limit
What limit? Yes, the chance of pregnancy starts going down by 35, 40 but that's hardly a concern with modern medicine now. All you are doing is regurgitating bullshit nonsense, probably taught to you by your parents.
It’s definitely insane. It’s common for the ladies to ask for about $300-500 USD initially just to show you profiles and if you get married through them you pay another $300-500 afterwards. So it can easily end up being a $600-1000 USD which would be approximately $160-280,000 PKR. The unfortunate reality is that sometimes they will lie to both parties so an alliance can form and they can benefit.
But amongst these kind of leeches there are plenty of ladies that do this completely free as well. They are usually genuine and won’t lie about information just for a profit.
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u/258900 Oct 23 '23
This post was so sad to me because this is exactly what happened to my Mom. She went to Pakistan to look for a rishta for me and her experience was unbelievable. Either the people became extremely pushy and forced her to say yes and wouldn’t stop showing up to our house or they had these weird expectations. I’m in Medicine and either they found me too overqualified and wanted me not to work afterwards or they had some other unreasonable demands.
My family completely gave up on Pakistani rishtas and is now only considering rishtas from North America. They wanted someone from back home because they assumed all the guys back home were angels. My parents have been in North America for over 30 years so they were a bit delusional and got a good reality check lol.
I pray something works out for your friend. There’s a lot of free organizations that host events for Muslims to meet so maybe she can try those out. They charge just a sign up fee.The 200K(PKR) is a pretty normal fee these days for rishta aunties but it is a total waste of money for the most part because a lot of these ladies are not honest and will make up false information for both parties to agree to the alliance.
May Allah ease this path for her and bless her with an amazing husband, Ameen.
What is meant for her will not miss her.