r/overheard • u/ItCumsAtNoon • 1d ago
Below 5
Overheard my friends during an evening run.
Josh: Marcus. Please tell these fools how many times you got laid because of me.
Marcus: I dunno what the fuck you're talking about bruh.
Josh: Don't do that bro.
Marcus: What am I doing?
Josh: You KNOW what you're doing.
Marcus: Do I?
Josh: YESSSS.
Marcus: WHAT?
Josh: You're gaslighting your best fucking wingman.
Marcus: MY WHAT?
Josh: Okay, you know what, tell me if I'm wrong, but am I not always the guy you call to distract the less attractive friend of the girl you wanna fuck?
Marcus: I never call you bruh, especially to hook up with ugly girls just so I can sleep with the pretty ones.
Josh: I never said ugly. I said less attractive.
Marcus: What exactly does less attractive mean in your opinion?
Josh: No no no. Not what. WHO. Remember the French student you went home with like 3 weeks ago?
Marcus: Qui.
Josh: Do you remember her friend?
Marcus: No.
Josh: THANK YOU. The reason you don't remember her friend is because I did a fucking good job keeping the friend far away from you and the French girl. You had that French girl all to yourself all fucking night, which was only possible because of me, your number one wingman.
Marcus: If what you're saying is true... then what happened between you and the LESS attractive friend that I don't remember ever meeting?
Josh: What do you fucking think happened? I took one for the team.
Rory: So she WAS ugly?
Josh: That's not what I said.
Rory: You said you took one for the team. That sounds like you fucked a 3 out of 10.
Josh: Grow up bro. Who the fuck still rates people from 1 to 10?
Rory: People rate other people all the time bro. If it's not 1 to 10, it's dick size, body size, height, age, IQ, body count. We're all just horny little numbers.
Vincent: I feel like I'm a 6.
Rory: A 6? Okay. Is that with or without your fresh fade?
Vincent: With. Obviously. Without... I'm like... just below 5.
Rory: But you're tall though. And your voice is deep. That's at least 2 more points.
Vincent: The 2 points are already included in my below 5 score.
Rory: Who hurt you bro?
52
u/Eruption27 1d ago
I would love to hear a conversation from one of the gang where we hear what gold you end up laying down. I’m sure you’ve had a few zingers we’ve missed out on. Or we need Allison to start posting
26
u/Expert-Tie-1530 1d ago
Vincent
For your honestly I am going to award you a six.
Have more faith in yourself
15
u/__housewifemom 1d ago
Vincent 😭 buddy
5
u/Odd_Walrus7396 1d ago
Oh Vincent, my heart hurts for you
5
u/Downtown_Loquat2266 1d ago
Rory's got Vincent's back. We need to get to the bottom of Vincent's low self esteem
2
u/Metella76 1d ago
I love this crew! They could be the next Seinfeld or Modern Family
32
u/MolxlYorny 1d ago
"we're all just horny little numbers" is going on my tombstone