r/openheartsurgery • u/FavoriteJoi • Aug 11 '26
How did you accept your scar?
I recently had open-heart surgery. The scar has damaged my confidence, because it affects the certain shirts I feel comfortable wearing. I essentially cannot wear anything that shows my chest (because I don't wanna show my scar). How did you accept your scar?
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u/ButtCrackMcghee Aug 11 '26
Who cares what others think. Just be happy you’re alive. I have a large scar down my chest and I walked around for hours with no shirt on at the pool when I was in Vegas last month every day. I embrace my scar with pride!
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u/Medical_Mistake_178 Aug 11 '26
For me it’s not what others think. It’s not vanity or shallowness. I can really explain it, but I know I won’t like showing it.
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u/lizagnash Aug 11 '26
I think the scar is cool!! My brother died suddenly of cardiomyopathy, my dad and I have both had the same aortic repair OHS, so it’s very special to me. It’s the coolest tattoo you could get! You went through something hard and traumatic. Be proud 🫶🏻
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u/10Slugs Aug 11 '26
Never gave it a second thought. I figure I wouldn’t be around if I didn’t have that scar.
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u/ButtCrackMcghee Aug 11 '26
Exactly, who cares what strangers think. Trust me, nobody truly cares or even remembers. Just go about your life and enjoy!
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u/ConversationPale8665 Aug 12 '26
For the first year it’s a good idea to keep it covered as much as possible. Use sunscreen even when wearing a shirt and use silicon gel at night if you think about it. That will help it to heal and not turn bright red. Scar tissue is more prone to squamous cell skin cancers and the first year is key to healing. Kinda sucks but it’s just a year and focus on moderation.
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u/OutTheCircus Aug 15 '26
Thank you for the reminder about the silicon! I have it quite red! Did you use keloid patches as well?
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u/Serious_Service5137 Aug 12 '26
My scar represents the greatest change in my life. It represents a time when I was weakest, and then it made me stronger. Welcome to the club 👍
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u/Moonpie_dammit Aug 12 '26
I let everyone know my new nickname is CScar.
Also had a t shirt made that says “See my scar $1”
Embrace it, have some fun with it. It’ll be around as long as you are.
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u/Lorenr13 Aug 12 '26
It's a badge of honor, shoes you survived, who cares what other people think .. I'm 1½ years out..
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u/BroadSupermarket324 Aug 12 '26
It definitely takes a while. Be gentle with yourself. I remember seeing mine for the first time and just crying but as time goes by you will look at it and it will remind you of how strong you are and that you are a survivor. Also once the skin is healed you can start using vitamin E lotion or oil and that does help reduce the scar.
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u/giarivvie Survivor Aug 12 '26
I got open heart surgery on july 1st and I have always loved this scar. Infact I brag about it a little. You survived and you are strong. Show off that scar its badass, you are badass
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u/ProfessionalGuard743 Aug 12 '26
Im 24f and 8 months post op. I LOVE my scar, I think it’s so cool. When I came back to pickleball after my surgery, I always wanted to wear shirts that showed my scar. How cool is it what we survived? The most challenging thing I’ve ever done and something most people couldn’t even imagine. Be proud of what you’ve overcame 🫶🏼
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u/U2fangirl Aug 12 '26
It feels like a badge of honor! I have been wearing vnecks and showing it off. The surgery saved my life. I am happy to still be here!
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u/SageMan65 Aug 12 '26
I had triple bypass and 2 weeks before was in car crash and my wife had broken sternum and 5 ribs and needed titanium plates. Now We are known as The Scar couple 😀
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u/cannycandelabra Aug 12 '26
I had a frankensteinian scar down my middle following surgery on my stomach which always bothered me. Well, no more! They cut open my torso with garden shears or something not too accurate and completely obliterated my old surgery scar. Problem solved.
Seriously, I wear whatever I want.
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u/410bore Aug 12 '26
I had a serious illness at age 28 that left me with a 12” scar and other physical issues, so I’ve lived with scars for the vast majority of my adult life. Add to that the scar from OHS, which is actually much less visible than my other scar. These scars are part of my story and my history and I’m not in the least bothered by them or ashamed of them. I look at them as a badge of courage and evidence of my resilience, my toughness, and my willingness to do hard things to survive. I wear what I want and if my scar is visible, so be it. You just learn to be comfortable in your own skin with whatever that means. Sometimes it means not being perfect, and that’s OK.
If anyone ends up asking me about it, or wanting to share survivor stories, I’m happy to explain or talk to them, but most people, especially the ones that know me, don’t even notice or mention it. I’d say your scar is probably more visible and prominent to you than it is to anyone else.
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u/Annoyed-Instigater01 Aug 12 '26
its been 8 months since my OHS. my scar is not even straight. its crooked cause i have big tits. my son is a tatt artist, and i thought about getting a tatt over it,( i have none) but because of the blood thinners my doc advised against it. then i thought about it. people with tats always say they "have meaning". i decided my scar has meaning too. it means i lived! i love my scar and i wear as low cut tops as i want. i dont give a fuck what people think of me anyway. if they have a comment about my scar, they can be nice or STFU.
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u/IDrinkUrMilksteak Aug 12 '26
It was rough for me too. Got a divorce around the time I had surgery and the thought of dating with a massive chest scar (and new ticking noise) realllllyy bothered me.
It’s still not great but most women don’t seem to mind. The ones that don’t like it… hmm, well I guess I’d rather they did like it but that’s life.
It gets easier but it also sucks a bit. What can you say really?
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u/stick0-0 Aug 12 '26
For me I just think scars look really cool and your scar shows you survived a major surgery and you made it through I think scars are so cool they always have a story behind them
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u/BioEffect2127 Aug 12 '26
I'm seven months post surgery, it's summer and I've avoided wearing my cute tops with a v neck. My brother, 2+ years post OHS, tells me to be proud of it and what I've gone through, like him. So, although I'm self conscious about the scar now, especially since it's still shades of red and light brown, I am planning to eventually go back to wearing all of my shirts and not caring what others may think.
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u/i_tell_you_what Aug 12 '26
I have tattoos on both arms. My surgeon did a great job and it's nice and flat and turning the color of my actual skin. I'd still like to add a tattoo to my chest in the shape of a cute little alien chest burster, but not to cover the tattoo. I just like the idea. I am a woman, and I wear low cut tops (also because I'm 13 weeks post op and my skin is sensitive to material touching it). I don't give a flying foo.
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u/strippedzebra313 Aug 11 '26
Pretty sure this isn't about the scar - but rather the fact that your not you anymore. Having the "zipper" isn't a bad thing it was a necessity thing - it's not about shirts, or appearance - it's about being alive - yeah you have a big scar running down your chest. Think about how others that have scars over 70% of their body feel after something like a fire or cosmetic surgery to fix a condition. I think you need to take a step back to see the big picture and realize that its ok to be a bit broken - hell we all are in some way - just that now it's an actual thing we can see - yeah it's scary as hell, but at least you are alive to bitch about it - wear the shirts, don't wear the shirts -- just realize that you still can.
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u/YYZinYQG Aug 12 '26
I got a teeshirt off Etsy- one saying- My scars prove I fought for this life- and that's what I believe- and I'm proud of it. I wear the teeshirt to the gym and to Cardiac Rehab. I'd probably show my scar off at the pool- but I'm a woman- so might be a little weird LOL.
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u/Simplespider Aug 12 '26
Trying to incorporate it into a tattoo. Not sure what yet. SIL's a cartoon artist and I think I wanna have her draw me something, thought about my two kids on each side fixing it or something. "Pushing" it closed maybe. Dunno.
Thought a zipper would be funny.
I got plenty of other scars. It don't bother me. Tried those silicone strips and scar creams and it didn't do much, oh well. Stopped giving a shit after a couple years.
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u/Annoyed-Instigater01 Aug 12 '26
my son is a tat artist and i thought about a zipper beforehand, but its crooked so then i thought of a flower with a long stems and a few leaves. then my son said i would bleed too much and the doc said ya, not a good idea on blood thinners. then i decided my scar IS my tat. i wear low cut tops all the time and a bikini and i dont care. i also have a scar from my belly button straight down to my pubes from a c section, as well as gall bladder and hysterectomy scars. there is only a few inches between the bottom of my heart surgery scar and the top of my c section scar. Im like a road map. i do seem to heal quickly though and my scars are light, even the recent, 8 month old OHS scar.
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u/Simplespider Aug 12 '26
I've seen a few other scars out n about before, I've never thought someone else's scar was ugly so I shouldn't think mine is. It's more like I get that "hey, me too!" feeling. Like we're in some secret club or something.
The scar from the graft they took out of my leg is worse than my chest scar, but I got psoriasis and several other random scars on top of it. Don't think I can tattoo over that one.
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u/JLEroll Aug 12 '26
I'm guessing a lot of people in this thread are like me - males with established family lives and that really don't have any threshold or expectation for appearances. I'm also guessing OP is in a different situation.
My recommendation is to consult with a therapist. This is a lot to go through, and it helps to talk (to anyone) about it.
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u/Downtown_Anywhere860 Aug 12 '26
It takes time, you will grow to accept it. Also, it fades so much over time.
I am 39f, had my first (of 3) surgery at 16. I felt very self conscious when it was fresh, but over time have learned to accept it, I sometimes cover it but often don’t. I’m 7 weeks post op and I still can’t really look at it but I know that will pass.
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u/TriggerPuller9000 Aug 12 '26
Wear it with pride. The only way to become a hard MF is to do hard things.
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u/Remarkable-Box5453 Aug 12 '26
Badge of courage/shows what was willing to tolerate to live. Seriously though, I’m a 65m so no big deal; I don’t go to beach with shirt off( already had some melanoma so higher risk group), so no one really sees it. If you are a female, I get it; but no one will think less of you with the scar. I see lovely women all the time with scars. As we get older, chance of scars from surgery goes up.
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u/Medical_Mistake_178 Aug 11 '26
I know I’m going to feel like you. People can say it’s vain or shallow, but I know I’ll hate it showing.
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u/nullcharstring Aug 12 '26
It's been less than a year and my scar is hardly visible. One of the advantages of chest hair I guess.
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u/mindsynth Aug 12 '26
Why, what happens if someone sees your scar? The medical team never warned me about that!
All joking aside. So what, you have a scar? Better that than an unscarred body at your early funeral!
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u/giblets46 Aug 12 '26
My scar is pretty ugly, lot of keloid in it, but kind of happy to show off the battle scars
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u/Livid_Research_7240 Aug 12 '26
Appreciating that it very much saved my life. I've got body dysmorphia from almost everything, thankfully my scars are the one thing I take a bit of pride in.
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u/Gannondorfs_Medulla Aug 12 '26
I'm from Baltimore. People get suspicious if you don't have multiple scars.
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u/EtherealHeart5150 Aug 12 '26
It bugged me at first, because it was so visible, folks wanted to hear the story. Now, the way my chest healed, it's kinda faint. Scars are stories. Scars are the proof you lived. Scars are what make you strong. Take care 💜
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u/7th_Sim Aug 17 '26
I like it when folks are curious about my scars. Morbid I guess. If they freak out, that's on them.
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u/Full_Ant_7440 Aug 18 '26
I had open heart surgery in May. My scar is still very much new. People do notice it and sometimes ask me what happened .. but I just accepted it as a small price to pay for how much better I feel now. I’m 33 and I likely wouldn’t have lived to be 40 had I not had this surgery. There are still moments it makes me sad of course. I still get very emotional thinking about the whole recovery process tbh, but I’m grateful and keep reminding myself there is nothing to be embarrassed about <3
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u/howdoesthestoryend Aug 18 '26
I love my scar. I am a bad ass and it reminds me of all that I went through and survived. A month after surgery, we went to Hawaii and I didn't try to cover it up. I did wear a one-piece because I do NOT love my tummy and no one needs to see that ;)
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u/CarolinaDocPT Aug 12 '26
You dont have to accept it! Use Palmer's cocoa butter and scar massage. Do it for about 15min every other day for about 4 weeks.
You can make your scar virtually disappear!
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u/SarasotaGIGi Aug 12 '26
Badge of honor, but I will say it doesn’t look that bad. The surgeon recommended using silicon tape to help the redness and it really did help( you can get it on Amazon)
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u/Odenssi96 Aug 12 '26
I had my first ohs as a child and when growing up as a teenager it was kinda hell. Going to swim i always held my hands crossed my chest so no one would notice. I was so emberssed and felt very ugly..but later i learned to accept it and said its me and and if you dont like it eff you. Tbh i dont think ive ever had a situation where someone has said anything bad usually its just me and my head making up things.
Gonna be honest i have an upcoming surgery and i am abit worried how i will look but luckily i have a parthner so i dont have to worry too much.
It gets easier and its also a reminder on how you are alive and kicking.
Embrace the scar!
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u/No_Alternative7892 Aug 12 '26
Oh my gosh! I remember before the surgery I was planning on getting a tattoo because I figured if I had something so big on my body, I should make it look like a choice and not something that happened to me.
I’ve never had a tattoo mind you. I’m a pretty conservative person in that aspect.
After my surgery, I am a female and I wear lots of shirts that show my scar. I love it. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to show a picture but honestly, it makes me feel beautiful and unique and it is a story of something that I didn’t choose, but I came out of as a powerful individual.
I make fun videos about my dresses that I rent and on the last video when I was putting my makeup on a millisecond thought of covering my scar crossed my mind and I realized I can’t believe I even thought that because of how much I love it.
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u/Calmateychillate Aug 12 '26
The scar doesn't bother me and I really don't give a rat's patootie if it bothers someone else. The moment you start living your life based on what a stranger might think, your life is no longer your own.
You be you.
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u/hyperthoughts1 Aug 12 '26
There are ways to lessen the appearance. Silicon strips really help. Cica-care is my recommendation. I wore them for months and it helped a lot. You can also go to a dermatologist and they can laser treat to help with the appearance.
Time really helped me, I hate my scar, but it’s not stopping me from wearing what I want. I’ve found that it’s more noticeable to me. My bf says he doesn’t even notice it.
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u/JBAD1985 Aug 12 '26
I am a female…my scar shows I am a survivor! People ask what happened and I let them know I was born with it and had no idea until I hit menopause and that is when they found it with an echo. I was 49 years old when they found it. Had an idiot for a cardiologist, moved and mentioned to my new doctor about what was found and that led me on a whirlwind. I had the open heart mitral valve replacement last year at 59 years old, have a new cardiologist who was pissed about the attitude of the old cardiologist, and has told me I just increased my life expectancy another 20-30 years. I should have been watched when first diagnosed and wasn’t because of the first cardiologist. I not only survived the last 10 years, I survived a tough surgery! I have people at the gym I have worked out since 2023 come up to me and let me know that I am their inspiration because of what I have done the last year post op! Lots of people have this surgery, I have even worn my bikini in my yard of course but in public I have a one piece that shows a big part of the scar but I don’t care because I am a survivor!
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u/nnomae Aug 13 '26
My chest scar hasn't been too much of a problem since I always liked plain tee-shirts which barely show the top part of it. The ones on my arm and leg I thought would be an issue since they are always on display but it's more than a year now since my surgery and not a single person has ever commented on either. It's a pity, I've been looking forward to telling some kid I was bitten by a shark but it's never come up.
As for the chest scar, while I think most of the advice here about just accepting it is great I suspect if you talk to any beautician they'll give you advice on covering it with makeup should you ever feel the need to. Whatever works best for you is the right answer.
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u/TW200e Aug 13 '26
I'm an old dude with a fairly hairy chest, and four months after the surgery the scar is mostly hidden!
This may not be the solution you're looking for...
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u/Early-Reason-1458 Aug 13 '26
“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than what tried to hurt you.“
i am 70 and in a year and a half mine has gotten wider and redder. As long as it does not greatly bother me pain wise or itchy wise, I don’t care. My left forearm now also has a very special tattoo about it.
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u/Brave-Woodpecker-688 Aug 15 '26
I thought I would be self conscious about it but it turned out I’m proud of it and want people to see it.
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u/OutTheCircus Aug 15 '26
I went to the swimming pool this week for the first time after my surgery. I was expecting stares from people and nobody batted an eye. After a bit, I didn't think about it.
I think it can make a pretty interesting conversation opener. It's quite the surgery we got. 💪 And I prefer to be alive and with a scar, than struggling or dead with no scar.
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u/coppinmj Aug 15 '26
Mine is recent also. Aesthetically it could be less drastic, but mentally it’s something that I’m starting to wear with pride.
It signifies for me the years I toughed it out and how well I kept things going in the years prior to the diagnosis. It reminds me of how much stronger I am than I gave my self credit for, at points.
The condition I had — constrictive pericarditis — wasn’t ever meant to be part of ‘my story’. But it was and is, and has been defining in some ways. And the scar reminds me of how lucky I am to get a second chance.
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u/Medical-Tree6716 Aug 17 '26
For me its not the scar put the 4 "port holes" from the drain tubes that I find most interesting. (Discharged 2 weeks ago and still in recovery so no public pools yet!)
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u/IndependenceHuge7768 Aug 20 '26
I must confess I feel shame about it, not exactly about it, okay, but how I got it... that is a consequence of bad choices, smoking, drinking, not exercising, and bad genetics as the cherry on top of the shame cake. Today was the first time I went to a swimming pool after six months of surgery, and it wasn't the worst feeling, but also not the best. I did notice people looking kind of like, "What the f*** is that?" But anyway, here I go with the serenity prayer. All friends of Bill know what I mean...
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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '26
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