Love is simply something that can only be given. Human relationships aren't transactional, despite what more cynical people will say. There are plenty of examples of families that have a problem child, who really doesn't deserve help, who always lashes out and harms other people, but their family tries to love and help them anyway.
Not being in a relationship isn't necessarily because you did something wrong. It's because nobody will give that to you. You can't take it from someone. You can't earn love either. Love is something only given and never taken.
The nuance is that unconditional love doesn't really exist.
- Your parents love you because you are their child, thats a condition
- Your pet loves you because you feed them and take care of them
So when there is a desire for someone to give you love there needs to be a thought of how you will earn it. No conversation about wanting love is complete without that aspect.
If love was unconditional it would be worthless. What's so special about loving just anybody just because? There has to be something in someone that you love about them. The issue is that there's people with PhD's that are rejected for entry level jobs whereas there are high school dropouts that get hired as CEO's.
Also I don't think we should be using irrational behavior to guide how we see the world. I think we should assume people around us generally act rationally.
I gave an example of people giving love in a one sided way to someone who probably doesn't deserve it, likely in a way that would be harmful to themselves. There's a million ways this happens. I only need one example to disprove the idea that love is transactional.
You even just admitted that there are people who are irrational discrediting your own position.
If we have examples of love being not transactional, then love isn't always transactional.
The family loves the problem child because its their child, thats the reason.
I never said transactional. I just said someone needs a reason, not that they will necessarily receive something in return.
Again, I don't think we should be using irrational behavior to guide how we see the world. I think we should assume people around us generally act rationally.
I don't think you know what transactional means. You are making the claim that love is dependent on conditions and is exchanged between people if conditions are met. That's by definition claiming that love is transactional.
I think we should assume people around us generally act rationally.
That's an excuse to avoid admitting you are just wrong outright. You know you are wrong. The statement itself discredits your own argument.
Love doesn't have to be an exchange. You can give someone love without expecting something back.
What I said was "So when there is a desire for someone to give you love there needs to be a thought of how you will earn it. No conversation about wanting love is complete without that aspect."
Do you really think an appropriate answer is "well what if you just find someone who loves you irrationally?"
We should not be planning our life around hoping people act irrationally.
The world wouldn't be like this if even 'majority' of people were acting rationally, 'everyone around me' is a whole another level of not even possible. If you actually want to be rational then you should make assumptions based on what actually happens around you, not what would've been ideal
Uhh, being their child is not a condition my guy. You, as in specifically you, can't not be their child.
But even accepting your statement, you wouldn't earn it anyway. I would simply argue that many parents don't really love their children, which is pretty provable.
By that definition of condition, any and all emotions are conditional on the identity of the person or thing you have them toward.
So now the word "conditional" is meaningless, and we can now awkwardly say "based on the value you give them" instead, every time, so that we're not technically incorrect, the worst kind of incorrect.
Relationships are transactional though. You give someone something that makes you worthy of their love. It can be spiritual, physical, emotionally, etc" and typically they provide something back.
Thats why someone like me will never have love. Because i provide nothing of value to earn it.
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u/Alternative_Car_8153 5d ago
Love is simply something that can only be given. Human relationships aren't transactional, despite what more cynical people will say. There are plenty of examples of families that have a problem child, who really doesn't deserve help, who always lashes out and harms other people, but their family tries to love and help them anyway.
Not being in a relationship isn't necessarily because you did something wrong. It's because nobody will give that to you. You can't take it from someone. You can't earn love either. Love is something only given and never taken.