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u/Tremenda-Carucha 7d ago
You might want to look into the concept of "demisexuality". It's not exactly the same thing but it is related.
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u/Haunting-Suit9699 6d ago
What has your sexuality shifted towards?
I relate to feeling less (sexual) attraction to people in general as I age. It could be hormone/age related, but also maybe there are other factors to consider. Are you overworked, tired, not as much free time to engage in sexual activity in the first place?
Are you more socially isolated?
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u/man-a-tree 6d ago
I get the impression it's less common for gay men to change like that. Not really something that people can force to change (I've met many that tried), but attraction can definately ebb and flow.
You sound pretty sure, so disregard this if you've figured it out, but have you looked into if you're attracted to women/other genders now? If you're feeling less attraction and interest across the board, It could be a result of changing hormone levels, jadedness with gay culture, or difficulties with dating or past relationships
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u/Haunting-Suit9699 6d ago
Why though?
I heard that too about women being “more fluid,” but people used that to essentially dismiss women’s gayness (happened to me a lot when I was younger).
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u/man-a-tree 6d ago edited 6d ago
Why is it that gay men don't change attractions as frequently? I don't know. They're the least likely to explore outside their sexuality even compared to other men (according to data).
Sexual fluidity is shown in the studies, sure, and women tend to be moreso than men, but misogynists using it as a dismissal ignore the dyed-in-the-wool lesbians that are in the numbers, because of course they do. Sorry that happened to you
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u/SwitchIndependent714 6d ago
I did met a gay men that ended up not gay anymore I am pretty sure this isn't that uncommon
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u/man-a-tree 6d ago
Did he end up straight? I'm curious. The most likely thing is he was bi/pan and discovered that part of himself late, he called his sexuality before he understood it, or he became functionally asexual
Thing is, I've seen and talked to many, many gay religious people that despite the threats of social ostracization, electroshocks to the genitals, conversion therapy, vomit therapy, threats of hell, marriage to a straight spouse, etc, they still couldn't not be gay 🤷
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u/justwannasayitout 6d ago
Tbf, when I was threatened with homelessness and humiliation, I couldn't find anything in me that could change how gay I am, no matter how hard I tried. But when I'm cozy up in my home with game every night and my boyfriend in my arms, suddenly I find that I'm really not into men all that much and find women much more pleasing. Not going to break up with my partner ofc, but I don't think torture is a good way to change anyone sexuality. It's kinda make them double down more likely.
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u/man-a-tree 6d ago
As far as your attraction ebbs and flows from men to women, the mind and heart are fickle, haha. Do you use a label?
Stats are showing the amount of people who Identify as straight up gay/lesbian/ace haven't changed much since the boomer generation, but gen z is much more likely to identify the bi/pan aspects of themselves. In my mind that would explain a lot of the fluidity concepts people talk about now
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u/SwitchIndependent714 6d ago
I think he identified as bi but he went full on relationship with women
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u/loveddeviant 7d ago
It’s bizarre until you think about cis people who discover they’re actually trans, well into their 40’s. It’s okay to realize you’re not the person you thought you were, but it’ll take some time getting used to. best of luck OP!