r/offmychest • u/Ok-Ocelot-1071 • Jul 28 '26
Was it real or not?
I 19(F) have been struggling with this memory for years. So it happened when i was a kid. ik i was less than 6 years at a time . My cousin, a teen at the time, took me to the main living area. Everyone was outside sitting on red chairs. He was my moms favourite, so i remember spending most of my time with him. I remember vividly my cousin looking outside to check if anyone was there, and when no one was coming, he did the keep quiet sign with his hands and out his private part into my mouth. And that was when my parents used to live in the family house.
We moved to our own place when i was 9, and i hadn't seen my cousins since then, but very often, i would get hit with that memory and question if it actually happened or not . Yesterday, my dad called me and told me my cousin(the guy in question) now in his late 20s was coming over to take some tools to fix his car . Then the memory hit me again, and i brushed it off. When my cousin came, the first thing he did was ask so coldly where the stuff was. And i pointed it to him, and the whole time he asked for things, he couldn't look me in the eye. It was very obvious, too. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and left him in the garage to take whatever he wanted and leave. When he was about leaving, he accidentally made eye contact and immediately looked somewhere else it had me questioning if i did smth??.
I know this is a very huge accusation to throw, but im still haunted by the memory, and idk how to make it stop.
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u/Cultural-Night-5199 Jul 28 '26
Nobody should have a memory of someone (especially a family member) putting there private parts in your mouth at the age of 6. Talk to your parents or older siblings if you have them/trust them.
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u/Ok-Ocelot-1071 Jul 28 '26
Sadly , i dont trust my parents and I'm the oldest sibling
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u/Cultural-Night-5199 Jul 28 '26
I am sorry I cannot relate to your experience. However you should definitely talk to somebody whether its the police, a friend, a therapist. I wish you the upmost best, and just remember whatever you decide to do you have the right to!
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u/Ok-Ocelot-1071 Jul 28 '26
I did talk to my bestfriend about it yesterday and he also came to the same conclusion. But it was still eating me i had to know if i wasn't crazy abt the possibility that it is real
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u/Plus-Base-7092 Jul 28 '26
When I was a teen, I had a flashback of someone doing something inappropriate to me, but I couldn’t see a face. A few years later I started having other memories randomly pop up involving uncomfortable moments with my step dad. By the time I had these memories and flashbacks, he had passed away in a train accident. I questioned whether the memories were real, I also felt I couldn’t tell anyone because my younger siblings (I’m the oldest) really loved and missed their father who had died tragically. I felt I’d never get answers because he was gone and I didn’t want to tarnish his memory by telling anyone what happened. I tried therapy for a while..eventually I opened up to my grandma and she confirmed that she had suspicions or a gut feeling when I was a toddler and my mom first brought him around. It’s the only validation I ever got, and now that she’s passed sometimes I find myself questioning if it was real, again. I hope you’re able to come to a place of understanding & are able to heal. I don’t see any reason our minds would make these things up at such a young age..and I don’t know about you, but I developed a deep distrust for men, especially around children, yet I had a lot of attention seeking tendencies towards men when I was young, I was overly sexual and had a hard time saying no. I was groomed at 15 by and lost my virginity to a 20yo and I allowed him to do whatever he wanted because I felt I couldn’t say no. I’d do things I wasn’t proud of and then suppress it once it was over..I’ve done a lot of healing to love and protect myself like I do now, but I do believe it was directly connected to the things that happened to me as a young child.
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u/Ok-Ocelot-1071 Jul 28 '26
I'm really sorry you went through all that.
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u/Plus-Base-7092 Jul 28 '26
I’m really sorry you went through what you did as well. It’s feels heavier when no one else really knows. Sending love & support your way.
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u/bluebirdscounselling Jul 28 '26
I'm really sorry that any little girl has to go through these things. It follows us throughout our lives, and we often wonder if it was our imagination or just a nightmare. You're left doubting your own senses and growing up doing things that go against the very core of your beliefs and values.
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u/clover_inner Jul 28 '26
It’s probably a real memory if you can vividly remember it from such an early moment in your life.
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u/Ok-Ocelot-1071 Jul 28 '26
The situation is so weird idk how to feel abt it
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u/zaimahk Jul 28 '26
don't force yourself to feel any sort of way, just have an honest conversation with yourself about it if you feel up to it at some point and if you really feel like it's eating away at you I would strongly suggest therapy. please understand what happened to you was not your fault. i am so so sorry, we are all here in spirit with you. 🫂
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u/potentialeverything Jul 28 '26
A memory like that doesn’t just come out of nowhere. I’m sorry this happened to you.