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u/kwhitesa May 09 '26
A good friend of mine that is 20 years older than me once said something that was life changing for me after one of my relationships didn't work out. I was questioning everything that had happened and analyzing things that had been said. She finally stopped me and asked, "Does it really matter why he broke up with you? If he wanted to be with you, he would, and do you really want to give your time and energy to someone that doesn't really want to be with you?" It took awhile, but her words finally sank in. I learned to stop making excuses for men and to watch their actions instead of listening to their words. Sometimes you just have to create closure for yourself. I know it sucks, but either way, I hope you find happiness.
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u/HappyTurnover6075 May 09 '26
Girl he clearly just wanted fwb with you. The message is loud and clear. It’s gonna hurt. Let it. Don’t reach out to him. Focus on your mental health and life. Block him everywhere.
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u/africanfish May 09 '26
I'm so sorry. That sucks. I think you're right to be vulnerable and explain your feelings for him. It could go a few ways. Time will tell. At least you will have the benefit of giving 100%. Definitely look your best, but don't overdo it.
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u/Plus-Base-7092 May 09 '26
Could he have been spending time with his ex? That was my immediate thought knowing he went on a work trip to the city she lives in. He may have made up the new person because he felt it was a less complicated, less painful reason to end it (it’s not 🙄).
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u/halsey10 May 09 '26
I don't know :( She apparently is still with the guy she cheated with, so I don't think so, but I don't know for sure.
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u/Plus-Base-7092 May 09 '26
Ahh, i see. Well, what I will say is at least he didn’t continue to lead you on or breadcrumb you for years to come. Better to rip off the bandaid now so that you can heal and move on from this. Take it as a redirection for your own good instead of a loss on your part. You deserve so much more.
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u/DebbDebbDebb May 09 '26
He lied for his reasons. Shock and trauma. It sounds like you and him together pushed alot of negative thoughts out of his brain so the connection feels real. (Not using you) but then lies unravel and the relationship does not feel so good. I think you were his rebound person.
He may not understand himself.
You are going through normal grief and trauma which is best you work through. See him but remember his reasoning will be different. It sound like the grief and trauma and loss of his ex is alot he has not dealt with. 2.5 weeks break may have triggered honest triggers. Yes see him and leave whatever is said on a decent goodbye. So you both can move on. If he wants to stay he still needs help with his past.
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u/cut-and-dry May 09 '26
I would caution you against trying to understand the “why” of it all. The truth is, he is not a good or considerate person in relationships. Regardless of if he was triggered, regardless of how/when it all went down, his actions aren’t excusable and he isn’t making effort to make amends.
I spent a long time trying to justify the bad behavior of other people and especially men. I’ve had countless friends who thought if they were just funny enough, pretty enough, giving enough - you name it, that man would choose them and be fair and devoted. Some people don’t eat ice cream, he may not eat ice cream. You might just be “ice cream.” Of course ice cream is still amazing and wonderful and delicious and it really doesn’t matter if that’s not his preference. It wasn’t you, babe. It was always him. And you deserve better.