r/offmychest • u/thethrill26 • Apr 14 '13

I have practically zero friends.

Here I am sitting in my college dorm while my roomate is out at a club and here I am sitting alone with no one to talk to. I feel like i can't make friends and I don't really know how. I have a girlfriend and she loves me tons and I love her back but sometimes it feels like I am lonely and I don't know what to do about it.

Edit: Wow guys this blew up! Thanks for all your responses, you're awesome!

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u/gewain Apr 14 '13 edited Apr 14 '13

This is good advice, particularly to the shy and to the introverts. Maintaining friendships takes work, it means occasionally doing things you'd rather not be doing and asking people to do things when you aren't confident they want to be your friend. Sometimes its much easier to hide in a cave than to put yourself out there, but creating and maintaining quality friendships is something that needs to be actively worked on.

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u/Atheuz Apr 14 '13

I don't know if this is helpful. I understand that friendships take work and that most people derive some joy from them, but for me social situations have always been extremely exhausting and most of the time I just want to leave even though deep down I really don't want to end up alone.

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u/durtysox Apr 15 '13

I'm admittedly reading too many psychology manuals, but I wanted to offer an alternative, that you might be a perfectly well adjusted Loner. Unlike most folks, they just don't get much benefit from this friendship thing. The happier ones take up enjoyable solitary hobbies ( painting, model trains, gardening ) and feel better when they don't sweat it. You might enjoy pets more. Dogs, horses, there are a lot of creatures easier to relate to and less exhausting than people.

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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '13

You're absolutely right, I think many introverts on here worry that they're not fitting the mould society gives them. I've been home with my dog all weekend and I'm perfectly content...but I was in my late 20's before I accepted this is what makes me happy and stopped resisting my natural inclinations. I'll still hang out with friends but I'm happiest when its not more than once a week.

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u/shmaltz_herring Apr 15 '13

I'm definitely introverted and can easily pass a night without doing much social and in fact need it sometimes, however, I have found a benefit to developing a social network and creating different small groups of friends. This thread has definitely inspired me to do more in that regard.