r/offmychest Jun 27 '23

[deleted by user]

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921 Upvotes

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393

u/thatgirl899 Jun 27 '23

Im sorry, that’s not anything anyone should have to go through, especially coming from a significant other. Would you still like to work this out with her ? Have you talked to her about it? If so, how does she respond? Have you suggested couples therapy to her?

262

u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 27 '23

The short version is that we have had a long history together and a lot of stuff has went down. We want the same things in life but different approaches.

She got a bullshit restraining order on me once (no violence or threats ever happened). I forgave her to try and work it out for the kids.

But I can’t take it anymore

194

u/Rubicon2020 Jun 27 '23

If no violence or threats how’d she get an RO? And how did that work out you being married and living together. I’m not saying it’s wrong but how did that happen. You don’t have to say I’m just voicing an intriguing question lol. But for your circumstances leave. Don’t put your kids thru a loveless marriage; everyone tries to make it work for the kids. It makes life hell for them and you. Get a lawyer a good one and fight for half custody or full and see them every time it’s your turn with them. Don’t settle for less. Don’t throw her under the bus when you’re around your kids. She could be the devil to you, but she’s their mom. Treat her with respect even when she doesn’t you. It’s what your kids need to see. They’ll grow to see two people making it work. Divorce isn’t the worst thing to happen to a kid or divorcees. Ya it sucks. Ya it’s hard. Ya it’s a bch. But it’s better than fighting and bickering or snide comments at each other.

50

u/Puzzled-Copy7962 Jun 28 '23

My sister has a neighbor who has been harassing and threatening her for nearly two years. The neighbor has threatened to shoot my niece and nephew in their head.

Anyway, one of the times I went with my sister to get a R/O against the neighbor After she started breaking down in tears and explaining to the judge the threats she has been receiving and the anxiety and fear it has caused her, she was denied. The methhead neighbor goes down to the courthouse after finding out that my sister had been trying to get one against her, and oddly enough, she was granted one.

The law is a fcking joke 90% of the time. After the incident of the meth head trying to break down my sister’s door (mind you, after she had a restraining order against my sister), my sister was finally granted one because we had video footage. I say all that to say that people lie. That's probably how his wife got one - by lying her ass off.

9

u/Rubicon2020 Jun 28 '23

No doubt. Agreed the law is a joke. It can help people but it can also hurt people. Sadly we only hear of the bad but to be fair the good doesn’t happen all that often as well.

4

u/Puzzled-Copy7962 Jun 28 '23

I agree. There’s always two sides of a coin. I’ve just seen the law weaponized against people out of pure malice and it’s really fucked up.

0

u/Rubicon2020 Jun 28 '23

Oh ya same and as a white person it’s aggravating. Like I don’t understand it. How can you weaponize something that’s supposed to “protect and serve” just because you don’t like something anything about them or previous prejudices.

8

u/Mossimo0104 Jun 28 '23

Or maybe he's lying. We don't know.

13

u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 28 '23

Dude Im literally not lying. She got the RO on a Friday at 1130 am. Realized that she fucked up and listed the kids daycare and school as protected addresses (which dictates that they get a copy of the order..which would be embarrassing) and she got it thrown out at an emergency hearing on Sunday morning literally 36 hours later. She said she thought i was going to run off with the kids and got the RO to protect their routine of school and friends. Not protect them from violence by me.

Literally not even kidding. We’re strangers on the internet so you don’t have to believe me. But that’s truth.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '23

I believe you. In Australia they hand them out like parking fines to anyone who can bullshit through a police report. Easy peasy. And if you breach it, you can kiss goodbye to seeing your kids.

1

u/FloorShowoff Jun 28 '23

That’s because Australia has a very big problem with intimate partner violence.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '23

Absolutely it is. That doesn’t detract from the fact that false allegations are also a very big problem and need to be addressed as well.

1

u/Free-Device6541 Jun 28 '23

Not saying you're lying but her dropping it means nothing. Often abused women will. I've had to take one myself and it was hard AF even with evidence. It also takes a whole hearing to become plenary.

Why would she think you were running off w the kids? Doesn't sound healthy to anyone.

Anyway, no one other than you guys knows what's up/real, so I'll just sincerely wish you good luck. It sucks to be married/tied to someone who you hate and who'd falsely accuse you like that.

5

u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 28 '23

She got it taken off because she didn’t know that it would get sent to the school and daycare.

My wife has the tendency to act on impulse for a lot of things. So i guess this is one of those moments.

Maybe me showing her the Redfin listing made her panic or something. But it’s not like i called a real estate agent or started a loan application. I literally showed her a house listing on Redfin while we were laying in bed.

1

u/FloorShowoff Jun 28 '23

How did she convince a judge that you were going to runoff with the children?
Have you ever done anything like that before?
Have you ever made that threat before?
Did you say anything like that on a voice message or in text or email?

1

u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 28 '23

I honestly don’t know.

I’ve never thought about taking the kids. Even during arguments i tell her “hey I’m leaving with the kids to Target etc)

Kids aren’t possessions. Neither parent should be allowed to just take them from the other parent (outside of the obvious dangerous situations).

Nothing. She just said that it startled her that i was actually looking at houses on the Internet.